Staying Healthy
A Plan for Gratitude
I have a confession to make.
We don’t really have any family traditions for gratitude at our house. Yes, we thank God for our blessings, and we thank one another politely when we should, but we don’t have family traditions that focus on gratitude. I’ve had good intentions for years, but we all know where those lead…
I was reading recently that gratitude increases our self-esteem and resilience. I would add that active gratitude can also drastically affect our perspective in a positive way. When we look around the house and only see piles of laundry, crusty dishes on the table that someone was supposed to clear hours ago, and the list of schoolwork that isn’t done yet, we can feel decidedly un-grateful. We might miss that our kids haven’t been bickering today. That mess they made was because they were, in fact, playing happily together. If I can look around and thank those small humans genuinely for choosing to love one another well today, then it’s easier to tackle the mess calmly and positively. When I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed, it’s easy to start to blame others in my home for not carrying their weight. But in my tunnel vision, I miss opportunities to be grateful for what has been done.
When someone thanks me genuinely, I find myself filled with fresh energy to do even more. Imagine how much we could change attitudes in our house if we all expressed gratitude toward one another as often as we express frustration.
Resilience is something we all need in life. Lately, more than ever. If we can help our children find something to be genuinely grateful for in difficult circumstances--if we can create a habit in them of doing so--they will grow to have a perspective on hardships that will help them to better weather the difficulties that life brings. We can be genuinely thankful for sustenance even if we don't like the food. We can be truly grateful for quality medical care even when we experience sickness or injury.
How do we create these attitudes and outlooks in our families? We start by practicing them ourselves, and gently teach our children. You cannot force gratitude, but you can point out opportunities for it.
I have long thought about starting a gratitude jar in our home. Every day (or week—you decide), everyone in the family writes a couple of words about something they are grateful for and deposits it in the jar. Then, at Thanksgiving the following year, you can read them and remember and be grateful for all of the big and little things that blessed your life that year. As the habit is formed, family members will start to look for things they can be thankful for throughout the day.
I promise to get this jar going in my family and I’ll share pictures on Facebook. I would love it if you would share yours with me as well! It doesn’t have to be fancy to work, it just has to happen!
Another habit that I would like to get started is to have the kids regularly think of someone they can thank. Maybe it’s one another, or maybe it’s a friend who did something nice, a coach that they appreciate, a grandparent that did something special for them. But the next step is to actually thank them. Send a message, give them a call.
Basically, all of these ideas have the simple goal of helping us to look up from our daily grind and notice the things around us that are good. Not fake and surfacey, but real, genuine, someone-did-that-and-I-benefitted thankfulness. From beautiful sunsets, to rainy days, to hard work that brings in a paycheck, to putting away toys without being asked, there are things around us to be thankful for even when times are hard.
Let’s not miss the beauty of the small things that enrich our lives. All the little things add up if we take the time to notice.
-Rebecca LaSavio (rebecca.lasavio@sequoiagrove.org)
A Word of Encouragement
Recently, I was able to attend a homeschool convention. Though I’ve been homeschooling for about 8 years, this was the first chance I’ve ever had to go to one. I had so much fun and came away greatly encouraged. I hope that I can give you just a taste of that encouragement.
First of all, there are a lot of us. Several hundred homeschoolers attended the convention, and it was a low year. In addition to that, within Sequoia Grove schools there are thousands of us. Homeschooling is no longer a fringe thing to do. Really, I’m not sure it was before the pandemic, but now it’s certainly not. If you are feeling negativity from others around you, know that this is now a tried-and-true method of education.
The expo area at the convention was overwhelmingly amazing. It took so long to get through. Over a hundred vendors with books, curriculum, subscription boxes, science projects, camps, tutoring services, and so much more. I was both in awe and utterly drowning in options. I was excited to shop for my kids (or take down names to request as vendors), but at the same time, I kept thinking “Abraham Lincoln didn’t need all of this to be well-educated.” As we try to do our very best educating our children, we have vast resources at our fingertips. But also, know that simplicity is beautiful. Books and nature can provide so much. If you are waiting for curriculum or if you are evacuated right now, just read with your kids. And if the smoke isn’t too bad, go for walks. Really look at the birds, plants, and trees.
As I wandered from booth to booth in the expo area, I realized that what I was enjoying most was talking with the vendors about their products. Many of the people who had created the products themselves were there. They were so excited and passionate and creative! And many are truly rooting us on. They want to help us teach our children and create space for them to grow and thrive. I met Nicole the Math Lady. She made a little video for my daughter and invited her to contact her directly. Suddenly Algebra 1 doesn’t seem so daunting. I got to talk to Andrew Pudewa, the creator of Institute for Excellence in Writing, and listen to two of his workshops. I’ve never been very interested in that curriculum, but I am now! He is such an incredible thinker that I want him to teach my children! As I sat through a hilarious presentation by Sarah Mackenzie of Read Aloud Revival, I was encouraged that all the things that “interrupt” school are in fact part of the process. “That’s the job!” as she put it. Laundry and housekeeping and 2-year-olds come with the package. They are part of the homeschool experience. We shouldn’t be surprised to find them in the midst of every day.
So parents, as this crazy 2021 marches along, covering us in smoke or kicking us out of our houses, as we work to figure out masks and math, be encouraged. Homeschooling works. One day at a time. You have a whole team of people rooting you on—from curriculum creators to your HST to all the staff and administrators that work hard to build your school into something that gives your kids the wings to fly.
Rebecca LaSavio
Living with Stress
Covid is still here. The effects continue to drag on. Some effects have become mostly normal to us now. Others continue to surprise us. We might not be able to buy the Christmas presents we want? There’s still a shortage of new cars? We’ve stopped trying to imagine what’s next.
Some of these things are fairly unimportant or even silly, like signing a contact list at a 4H meeting. Some are simply inconvenient—I’d really like a built-in bookshelf in our house (homeschooling and books, right?!) but lumber is still too expensive to consider that project.
Others are clearly significant and difficult—masks, vaccine insecurity, financial difficulties, people around us—or maybe even our own households—getting sick. And certainly, in a school community as large as ours, there are those who have lost loved ones to Covid.
Under all the noise, there’s a very quiet effect of Covid sneaking around. There’s a level of stress that has settled over our lives that sometimes isn’t recognized. Do you feel it? It lingers in the unknowns, in the now almost constant changes that are all around us. There’s a lack of stability, because there’s uncertainty. Should I plan that vacation, or will there be another shutdown and I’ll lose the money? Is it safe to have a birthday party for my daughter? Can I let my son play on the play structure without risking the life of a fragile family member?
That instability has caused us to lose our “muscle memory” for daily life. Muscle memory is that ability to do things without thinking about them because you’ve done them a hundred times before and your muscles “remember” them. Muscle memory means that we can walk into the kitchen, get a glass, go to the fridge for ice and walk over to the sink for water, all while holding a conversation with somebody and never really think about what we were doing. It’s why we can run around quickly to get ready in the morning. Our mind and muscles know where everything is. When you are in a new place, your muscle memory doesn’t work so simple things take more concentrated thought and effort. It’s the reason why it seems to take more time to get ready in the morning when we travel—because it does!
Our culture and daily lives have shifted enough that we have lost our mental muscle memory. How we do errands, make plans, vacation, school our children, and much more has changed. It all takes more thought, more concentration. Things that didn’t require a decision before are now something to be thought through and evaluated. This takes up space in our minds and requires more energy from us.
My husband and I seem to be able to see this underlying stress in a unique way. We lived overseas for many years in a different culture. When you first live in a completely different culture, you are faced with such a barrage of information that your mind is overloaded. The different language swirling around you, the different architecture, road signs, food, shopping, and driving, often brings a new, heightened awareness of danger. Until your brain becomes accustomed to some of these things and allows them to fade into the background, it is utterly exhausting to try to process so much information all day long.
After a while, you get used to most of it. But you have to learn to live with a level of awareness that is more heightened than it is in your own culture. You walk into a room and have to evaluate—how do I greet these people? What’s appropriate in this situation? How do they celebrate holidays here? What do I do when my children are sick? This culture doesn’t plan more than a week or two ahead, so how do I make decisions for the future? Everything seems unpredictable and it’s exhausting to make so many decisions.
I find myself using those skills learned by living cross-culturally on almost a daily basis. When you walk into a room, you have to evaluate—who is here? Do I need a mask? Can I shake hands? Should I keep my distance? Can I talk about vaccines? We aren’t sanitizing our groceries anymore, but what about Christmas? Can we gather? The news keeps telling us that we are going to run out of presents to buy—but what if my kids want different things in December than they do in October?
When you are constantly re-evaluating and weighing options, there is a level of stress that never quite goes away. Wondering what the news will say tomorrow brings tension. We’ve had to learn to live a heightened awareness. It’s ok to feel tired—there’s a reason that you do.
Many of you have joined our schools because of Covid. Your child’s whole life has been rearranged because of this. That means your life has been rearranged, too. You’ve become aware of an entirely separate culture –Homeschooling. It has its own language, its own expectations, its own way of doing things.
Since March 2020, the only predictable thing has become unpredictability. That can all make us feel like we’re walking on shifting sand. That takes concentration, balance, and effort. In other words, it’s tiring. We often need extra rest, extra down time. We need to make sure that we have realistic expectations of ourselves and our children. We need to plan for those activities that fill us up. Make some things predictable in a world that keeps surprising us—small things that we can do for ourselves and our children. Through all of our transitions and travels, we always had Friday Night Movie Night with our kids, and I’ve always made the same breakfast on Sunday Mornings. Those things are now almost fiercely sacred to our kids. Continents, time zones, and houses may change, but our family, faith, and those little traditions have helped us anchor ourselves wherever we are.
What can you do to anchor yourself? How can you make some little part of your week predictable for your family?
The more we can expect the unexpected, the easier changes will be. Uncertainty is not something most Americans have been forced to live with, and that causes us great instability. Our peace cannot be based on the circumstances around us, because we have no control over them. The more we can roll with unpredictability, the less stress we will experience. We will become more resilient.
Mostly, I hope that after reading this, you will feel a little less “crazy.” A little less like something is wrong with you. That stress you feel but can’t name—it’s real. It’s not just your imagination it seems to require a little extra effort to just live. Give yourself a little extra time to get things done. A little extra time to rest and recover. Take a deep breath before reacting to your children. Our new normal doesn’t have to wear you down, but you will have to make a few adjustments to thrive.
If you have comments or questions, I’d love to hear from you. rebecca.lasavio@sequoiagrove.org
First Quarter Check-in
Friday is the last day of Learning Period 2. That means we are halfway through the first semester. Can you believe it? One fourth of the school year is done! You’ve accomplished that much!
Does that feel like relief and a big pat on the back? Or does it make you feel panicky that you haven’t done enough, or worried that your student isn’t progressing quickly enough?
Now is a good time to take a deep breath and evaluate. I would encourage you to consider the following aspects of your year so far:
Are you where you hoped to be in your curriculum? If not, is that ok?
If you are hoping to finish an entire book or curriculum, you should be ¼ of the way through it. If you aren't that far, you might need to adjust the pace of the work. But--and this is an important ‘but’—you don’t have to finish all the books. You really, really don’t. No public school ever does. If your student is progressing and learning, that’s great! But if it’s not getting done because, well, it’ll happen ‘tomorrow,’ it’s probably time to make tomorrow become today.
What else are you doing that isn’t in the books or the planner? Is there other learning going on that you aren’t “counting”?
As you evaluate the learning that has happened, don’t forget to include the field trips, nature walks, educational movies, and other learning that is happening without sitting at the table. Are your kids in art classes? Music lessons? This is all part of their education. Have you been watching as many YouTube videos as we have about the volcano in the Canary Islands? They’re learning! Keep some notes about their educational activities to discuss with your teacher. Watching TV is not a substitute for lessons, but it can be a tool for a lesson.
How is your child doing, really? Is it time to ask for help?
Is your child struggling? Are you both working hard, but the progress that should be seen by now isn’t visible? If so, it might be time to reach out to your HST and evaluate what might be going on. Your HST is there to help problem-solve and come up with creative solutions. And if your child needs more intervention, they can help get that started as well. Our schools have a team of people to help your children—don’t hesitate to reach out.
How are your systems and habits? How are attitudes?
At the beginning of the year, we talked about systems and habits for your school and your home. How is that going? Is the laundry piling up? Mine was! It was the 8-year-old’s job to help me, but he just wasn’t capable of keeping up, even though he liked it. It was time to switch that job to the 10-year-old. She’s able to be more independent and give me real help. We’ll try again later when the 8-year-old isn’t 8 anymore.
Our kitchen island was always cluttered. It created a level of underlying stress that affected our school day. For the past 11 days, our family has gone to bed with a clean island. The goal is to make it to 30 days and officially have a new habit formed. Waking up to the order that clear space brings really brings more peace to our day.
Are school books getting lost? Are they spread all over the living room and causing chaos? If that chaos is stressful for you, then spend some time re-evaluating your systems. Do you need to have a “put it all back” time in your day? Do you need to buy some plastic boxes to contain all the stuff? Do what it takes so your day is more peaceful and your time is spent learning rather than searching for missing books.
Do you and your kids need to have a frank discussion about attitudes and behavior? Please take the time you need to find the root of those issues and establish new habits. As C.S. Lewis said, “Children are not a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work.” How far your child progresses in math, how many US Presidents they know, or how beautifully they can write a paragraph will never be as important as the child him/herself. Your child’s character and the relationship you have with them will matter their entire life. Education is important, of course! That’s why we are all here. But that all fades in comparison to the core of the actual child. Homeschooling is not easy. Bad days happen—a lot. But those bad days should be building towards good; they should be building “lessons learned” that add up to a healthy child. If the bad days are just bad, if they’ve taken over, please seek help.
As this first quarter ends, I hope you will take advantage of the opportunity to step back and take a good look at your school and the things that affect it. Tweak and adjust as needed and then step into the next phase calmly and ready for the next challenge. I wish your family peace on the beautiful journey of homeschooling.
Questions or comments? Please don’t hesitate to reach out at familyliaisons@sequoiagrove.org
Rebecca LaSavio