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Dear Phoenix
Dear Phoenix
An Advice Column by Amani A., Thea B., & Owen Duncan
Are you struggling with anything personal that you would appreciate a second opinion on? Are you having a hard time in a class, navigating relationships (friendships or otherwise), trying to manage stress or juggle priorities? If there is any question you want answered, big or small, feel free to explain your situation in as many words as you would like, and we'll do our best to help in any way we can!
Here are some of your questions and our answers. Hopefully they can help you, but in no way are we a final opinion and we always encourage you to seek out as much help as you need.
Dear Phoenix, I am considered to be a people-pleaser by many people and I don't know how to fix that. It can be positive but mostly negatively used for me. I just want to make everyone pleased or happy with me. I long for validation, and so I think telling people what they want to hear is good. How do I stop seeking love and attention? - Anonymous
Answer: Don’t stop seeking love and attention, start finding it from yourself and the people you surround yourself with. It won’t be easy, but the solution is to be happy with who you are, and not care what other people think, or worry about pleasing everyone. Making big personal changes can be difficult, so it always helps to have people who care about you to help you through it. Surround yourself with friends who care just as much about your happiness and success as you do theirs.
Dear Phoenix, Can you give me some study tips, or advice on how to get better marks? Thanks! - Maariyah Hamid
Answer: Organise, organise, organise! Having a structured system where you set aside time just for studying with no distractions can be very helpful. A dedicated space only for studying or schoolwork can be helpful as well, but might not be possible for everyone. Make sure to build in plenty of breaks and time for fun activities as well so that you don’t get burnt out. A couple useful strategies can be finding videos explaining concepts, doing extra review questions, or finding a study buddy to help you out. One very helpful strategy can be teaching concepts to someone else, as this forces you to have a very thorough understanding of the concept and be able to explain it in different ways. The best way is to try multiple strategies and figure out what works best for you! As for better marks, while it might seem counterintuitive, the best way is to not worry about marks, but instead focus on having a thorough understanding of the class material, participating in class, and making sure to hand in all your assignments on time. Usually if you focus on learning and truly understanding concepts instead of just getting a numerical mark you’ll end up with a good mark anyways.
Dear Phoenix: How can I better maintain and grow friendships while doing online school? It is a lot easier if you're at school to communicate with friends and even develop new friendships with people that might be in the same class, club, or sports team as you. But in online class, it is a bit more difficult since people in class mostly have their face cams off and just type in the chat, and there aren't too many opportunities to directly have time to interact with others, whether it be in classes or in extra-curricular activities. So some advice or suggestions on how to first maintain and strengthen friendships you already have, and how to grow or add friendships with others at school would be great! - Anonymous
Answer: This is a great question, as it’s definitely something everyone is struggling with this year. First of all, as for maintaining existing friendships, the best thing to do is make an effort to stay in touch with people. It can be easy to lose touch with people without the scheduled regular interaction provided by school and extracurriculars, as well as not being able to spend time together in person. It doesn’t have to be constant communication, but a text seeing how people are doing every now and then can go a long way. If you want to take it a step further organise some sort of video call with one or multiple people to play a game or simply just talk. Seeing faces or even just hearing voices can really help to maintain connections. A great way to strengthen friendships is to tell people how much you appreciate them. It can sometimes seem awkward or scary to share your feelings, but it’ll usually end better than you’d expect.
As for making new friends during these unusual times the best advice we can offer is to just go for it! Participating in class discussions, even if it’s just with your voice or by chat, can be a good way to interact with new people. Joining clubs and extracurriculars is another great way to find new connections. It may not be as easy or as natural as in the past, but to make new friends you have to accept that it will be different, and choose to make the best of the situation. Reaching out to people you want to get to know better by email or google hangouts may seem awkward, but chances are if the person is someone worth being friends with they’ll answer you regardless. From there you can find a means of communication that works well for both of you. Then try some of the tips for maintaining or strengthening friendships from earlier. Really the best advice for both is to make the best of the situation, and make sure that the people who you appreciate know it.
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