Why 1:1s?

A 1:1 (one-to-one) is a regular meeting between managers and individual team members. Regular 1:1 meetings provide an opportunity to listen and coach. This will build trust, create time for reflection and allow issues (and possibilities) to be identified early. 1:1s show team members you care about their wellbeing, growth and development. Regular 1:1s are also great for you as a manager - an opportunity to improve your coaching skills, empower your team and make sure changes stick.

• “90 minutes of your time can enhance the quality of your subordinates work for two weeks” (Andy Grove, former CEO of Intel).

• Google’s research into what makes a good manager found that the high scoring managers have more frequent 1:1 meetings with their team members than low scoring managers.

• Gallup research found employees whose managers hold regular meetings with them are almost three times as likely to be engaged as employees whose managers do not.

How?

Put one-to-ones on the calendar.

• These meetings should be a recurring meeting on your calendar, rather than an ad-hoc meeting you have when there is enough time (which there never is!).

• Having the meetings regularly shows your team member they matter. It also helps craft a culture of giving and receiving feedback. As trust deepens, candid conversations become easier.

• Turn up to your 1:1s. Even if you don’t have anything to discuss, you team member might. Showing up demonstrates that someone is a priority (giving a status reward as in the Be SAFE & Certain model).

Meet with everyone on the team

Hold 1:1s with everyone you manage to boost ‘fairness’ on your team. If you neglect some meetings it may be interpreted as a signal that not everyone is worth your time.

Share status updates before the meeting

• A 1:1 meeting is best used as a reflection and development opportunity. It is not just about the ‘to do’ list.

• Ask your team member to send you something like this 5:15 format, 24 hours before the meeting (it should take no more than 15 minutes to fill out, and 5 minutes for you to read).

• Asking someone to prepare (and making sure you read it) signals that you take the 1:1 seriously.

Create a safe space

• When you meet someone you manage, remember that you have status (or power) in this relationship because of your relative roles. This puts some responsibility on you to create the mood and feel of the meeting.

• Make sure you are in a cool, calm, collected state of mind. Pause before the meeting to think about the person who is coming in. Take some deep breaths (do the ABC practice) to help you become calm. This will help the other person remain calm as well, as emotions are contagious.

• What do you need to be fully present? Think about your own energy management. Are you hungry or distracted? Is there anything that might be making you more reactive? Make sure you are not distracted by notifications.

• Having regular meetings will help create certainty for your team member. The regular cadence and familiar format will create clear expectations and reduce the threat that can come with someone asking ‘can we have a chat?’.

• Take responsibility for creating a positive environment, and see if you can boost the dopamine rewards. Create a sense of belonging by smiling, and being warm and welcoming. Use ‘we’ when you can, to show you are on the same team. Take time to connect and show you care by asking how they are doing.

During the meeting - reinforcing the practices

• Enquire about your team member’s wellbeing. How are they finding their workload? What has cost or given them energy this week?

• Use 1:1s as an opportunity to have candid conversations. Set up for success and use the COIN model.

• Acknowledge progress. What have you noticed that can be celebrated this week? What did the team member put on their 5:15 that they can talk about? Use this to create positivity.

• Ask for feedback on how you are managing and supporting your team member. How could you do more? What support would they like from you?

• Use the 1:1 as an opportunity to build ownership. Articulate the ‘why’ of the work your team member is doing. Set clear expectations around purpose, what success looks like and what they have authority over.

• Check for a sense of ownership and use coaching questions to make sure their problem solver switch is ‘on’.

• Use the 1:1 as a moment to reflect and adapt. Ask what is going well, and what they have learned since your last meeting. What are they noticing or curious about? What might they do differently this week? Leave time to answer these questions - we are not used to answering them, so they can be difficult at first.

• • Notice how your limbic system influences you. You might be drawn to some people and away from others. You will be drawn towards some types of work and away from others.

  • What do you need from your manager? And/or other team members?

  • Which of the Be SAFE & Certain elements do you respond the most to – as a need or a preference? How does this influence how you do your work?

  • Notice that your team members also have preferences and needs. Different needs will sometimes lead to disagreements, disliking and/or conflict.

  • Which people create threats – which element of BSC might you be reacting to?

  • Which people create rewards?

• • How do you manage threats and how much energy does it take?

  • What is your impact on others when you meet with them? E.g., do you create more threats or rewards?

  • How do you manage yourself when others react in front of you (so you don’t perpetuate the reactions)?

  • How can you create a calm state for your 1-1 meetings?

  • How do you manage your need for rewards and dopamine?

• • How does your energy management affect how you impact others when you meet with them? E.g., are you more reactive if you haven’t prioritized snacks or breaks?

  • How can you use 1-1 meetings to help people better support their own energy needs and wellbeing?

  • How do you manage your schedule and your energy to look after your own wellbeing?

  • How can you model good practice for prioritizing personal wellbeing, and supporting the wellbeing of others?

  • What is your focus when you meet with others? Do you orient more towards seeing problems or towards what is working?

  • How can you celebrate milestones and acknowledge progress during 1-1 meetings?

  • How can you use 1-1 meetings to look out for ways to support others, emotionally or practically, and to offer that support?

• • What do you notice about how a person is, when you meet with them?

  • What can you ask for feedback on in your 1:1 meeting?

  • What positive behavior could you reinforce during the 1:1?

  • Is there a candid conversation you could have that you have been avoiding?

  • How can you ‘set up for success’ before a 1:1 meeting?

  • How do you intend to receive feedback in a 1:1 meeting?

  • How can you use the COIN model to prepare for a candid conversations?

  • Consider that you may have to have a candid conversation more than once on the same topic - how will you use the tools suggested to prepare?

• How can you help create clear expectations around purpose and success?

• What are your expectations around ownership for this person?

• How can you help this person be clear what they have authority over?

• Think back to your Be Safe and Certain preferences. How might these be influencing your expectations? Or the way you manage?

• Think about asking for feedback on your management style - do you micromanage? What kind of support would best encourage their growth?

• To what extent are you jumping in, and solving problems?

• How will you include some of these reflection techniques in your 1-1 meetings with colleagues?

• How can you have more reflection time and focus on learning in your 1-1 meetings and make sure they are not only task focused

• Take time to reflect about the 1-1 meetings you have. How effective or successful are they and how might you want to improve them?