Inappropriate Language

Your child may:

  • Swear or curse

  • Talk about inappropriate things

  • Be sarcastic

  • Repeat others in a deliberate and patronizing way

  • Speak to others in a condescending or mocking manner

Possible Supports or Interventions

Read Alouds

The Why

Acknowledging Positive Behavior

  • Studies indicate a 5:1 ratio, or, 5 confirmations, praise and approvals for every 1 criticism or disparagement.

  • When your child is seen behaving appropriately, paying attention, being on task, prepared for work, sitting quietly, being kind to others, etc, make a remark to the student about how happy or proud you are to see what they are doing appropriately. You could also say to the student, “Good Job”, “I like what you are doing”, “You are doing ________ so well!”, etc.

  • IMPORTANT! When giving praise, it is essential that you display a positive affect or demeanor while doing so. Express excitement and that you are pleased. This will increase the effectiveness of the technique.

Logical Consequences

  • First, be calm and be empathetic to your child (without being condescending): “I understand that this is frustrating but..."

  • Second, state the crime: “Due to you not doing your work while we were doing it together…

  • Third, provide consequence “You will be finishing it during our movie time tonight.” (consequence should be reasonable, matching the severity of the offense or behavior)

  • Walk away. Don’t engage in a conversation about it.

  • DO NOT GIVE WARNINGS. Provide a consequence upon first negative behavior

  • Other behaviors and consequences:

    • Name calling = say something nice to that person

    • Spills something = cleans it up themselves

    • Steals something = replace it directly to the person with apology

    • Cheat on test = get failing grade

Clear, Consistent, And Predictable Consequences

  • Always deliver consequences with a neutral and flat emotional state and tone, remaining calm and collected and avoiding matching the potentially escalated state of the student

  • Be brief, succinct, to the point, and avoid lecturing when giving consequences

  • Deliver the consequence, expectation, etc, and then walk away

  • Give a consequence for the behavior every time it happens and avoid partiality

  • Always give the same consequence or group of consequences for the same behaviors

  • Keep a visual list in the classroom of the consequences

  • Discuss the consequences with the students occasionally, ensuring they understand and know what the consequences are, why, and what for, having them give examples and repeat them back

  • Use simple language

  • Always make sure your child knows why and what they are getting the consequence for

  • Try pointing to the specific consequence on the visual list rather than lecturing your child verbally

  • For younger children, make a visual consequence list with pictures rather than words, or a combination of pictures and words

Avoid Power Struggles

  • This technique takes a lot of patience, support, self-control and self-talk

  • Keep responses brief, to the point, and succinct, and avoid lecturing, talking at length, or patronizing

  • Use a calm and neutral tone

  • DO NOT match the emotional level of your child, rather remain calm, cool, and collected

  • State the expectation, then walk away

  • Offer several choices, give a timeline to decide within, and walk away

  • Try stating the expectation and consequence, tell your child the choice is theirs, and walk away

  • Try re-direction if student is able to be de-escalated

  • Use reflective listening “I am hearing that you feel this assignment is unnecessary”

  • Ask open ended questions

  • Use body language that represents openness: If sitting keep legs uncrossed and lean toward the student, If standing keep arms uncrossed and legs open (people often mirror their emotional response with others’ body language, behavior, and words)

  • Use humor

  • Validate your child's feelings

  • Tell your child that you want to hear what they have to say, but you both need a break or breather before talking

  • With children who argue or engage in conflict on purpose and with intentionality, tell the student you will talk with them later when they can do so appropriately and walk away or state the expectation and walk away

  • Try keeping a list of rules and expectations on the wall or other visible location, and when your child attempts to engage you in conflict, simply point to the appropriate and relevant expectation on the list and walk away (you may want to explain this strategy to the student before implementing it)