Tyriq Gay

Damn

I once fell in love with a lover

Found out he belonged to another

We kissed and I cried

We said our goodbyes

I feel so alone and I suffer

If I Were To Leave This Earth

If I were to leave this earth

Could I count on you to love me still?

Would you wake up each morning feeling empty?

Or would you give someone my spot to fill

If I were to leave this earth, leave your presence, leave your space

I mean no more hugs, no more laughs, and no kisses on your face

Reminders and memories of what I was, what we were, and who you were to me

Nonetheless trash, clutter, donation items of what I can no longer be

When I leave leave this earth

I beg you to at-least hold on to me for as long as you must

Until we meet again

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

Our song/ I fell in love with chocolate

I don’t know how you did it, but you broke free

Escaping the hidden vaults of my mind

You resisted to be repressed

Repressed…yes

It does me no good to think of you, to dream of you, to long for you

To constantly crave your commitment to a calloused soul

Me

My head has become a turntable and you a ‘45 record

Spinning around and playing those static melodic memories

Those savory yet nostalgic tunes

Let’s ask the DJ to drop the needle and let our song play just this once

And so it begins

I saw a beautiful brown skin boy standing by the train tracks

And all I could imagine was how lucky the sun was to kiss his skin

High cheekbones and dreads…a lethal combo

He flashed his white smile, strolled that little step over to me, looked in to my eyes, and said hello

Conversation sparked and became a fire

Igniting an instant friendship

We rode the train together that day, laughed, talked about chocolate chip cookies and said our farewells

FAST

FORWARD

Speed it up to the part where our meetings became more frequent

I see you, you see me

Butterflies, red roses, earthquakes

The hugs!

Don’t hug me, wait come comeback

Move in closer

Squeeze me tight

I wanna smell like you

Wait, no I don’t like you

I don’t see you like that

Well, I kinda do, but that’ll be my secret

SHHHHHHHhhhhhhh

SLOW

IT

DOWN

To the evening where we went to see a Midsummer Night’s Dream

Just us two

Watching the rhapsodes emulate the tale of circumstantial romances and true love

Just like the play, I wished that universe would have made us fall for each other

Deeper, closer, warmer

I watched you watching the play,

KEEP THE RECORD STEADY

Steady as the thoughts of you continuously cross my mind without any constraints

Sigh

Steady as the beat of my heart when I looked into your eyes that day and saw my reflection

A reflection of me

But not a gateway to your soul

DON’T TOUCH THE SONG, LET IT PLAY

Let it linger at the part where you found someone to love that wasn’t me

And then you found someone else

And then you found someone else

And then you found someone else

And then…

You became distant

Became stuck, stifled…still

Still then I thought of you even when I was the furthest thing from your mind

Still then I would embrace you with the fear of holding on for too long

Because I didn’t want to fall for you anymore

STOP. STOP THE SONG NOW

Stop the record and listen to the static in the background

Somewhere in that noise holds the truth

The truth that I’ve fallen for a man, romanticized a friend, wanted a world that never was bound to exist

Take the record back and seal it up

Record. Rewind.

Repress.