Robyn Haydu

You'll Be Okay

Sitting in a room, all alone,

you feel like your cover is blown.

Looking down at your feet,

you try and start to tap a beat.

Hoping no one will notice,

in your hand lies a little lotus.

The feeling of sadness starts to creep

and you slowly try so hard not to weep.

As the day goes by,

you go outside to look at the sky.

Feelings of despair, everchanging,

though you hear in the background people exchanging.

Wondering what will happen next,

your feelings become more complex.

I know losing someone is hard

and your heart begins to be scarred.

Wondering what to do?

Nobody knowing how much they meant to you.

Keep smiling till the day ends

and try to make amends.

Your love for them will never die,

but it's really time to say goodbye.

You know that one day you’ll see them soon,

so keep looking up at the moon.

I’ll be here for you,

When you start to feel screwed or blue.

No more worrying about all your flaws,

he’s already a proud grandpa.

Shining through the night,

you stare once more up at the bright light.

Finally feeling alright,

with no such feelings as fright.

I’ll be here for you,

in every step you try to do.

It’s okay not to be okay,

don’t worry about feeling betrayed.

I’ll be here for you,

so please stay with me too.

Into the Cosmos, We Go

In a vast land full of thoughts,

I try to imagine a world.

A world in which we could break free

from our destiny.

Break free from the ropes that bind

us to our sheltered homes.

Into the cosmos, we go,

searching for the right answers.

But these answers cannot be seen

or heard.

So we try to fight for them in the fading

light that we see.

But into the cosmos, we go.

Still searching,

but nothing to be found.

Still thinking on thoughts that

don't exist.

We all imagine a world for the

greater good.

But we never thought how huge it could be.

So into the cosmos, we go,

where we know we’ll be safe

from reality.

All Hail the Queen

Dear Sister,

Do you remember the fire? The crisp autumn air whipped against the jet-black night as flames burned through the forest behind the house. The garden near the patio, the one we loved so much, was gone. All the flowers we planted together, like my favorite blood-red roses, the brightest of yellow chrysanthemums and the sun-kissed sunflowers, were gone. But of course your favorite cherry blossoms still lived. I wish I could say that I’ll miss all the days we spent together, but in the end, all those days have burned to ash..

Days go by, and all I see in my darkest of nightmares is the bright hellfire flames with the scent of smoldering flesh and visions of you glaring back at me. When the villagers walk past the old house, I hear them whisper: How did the fire start? What really happened? I don’t think they understood the pressures we were under – YOU were under. You were everything our parents wanted as their older child and everything they wanted the next in line for the throne to be. The perfect princess–the twin with her perfect life, while having the face of an angel that made all the princes fall in love. I adored that about you. In the beginning, I was never envious of your position to be the next queen of Romania–never jealous that all the boys followed you home.

The locals around here were under your spell but you never noticed that. You even had one of them fall in love with you, didn’t you? The “prized possession,” breaking rules left and right just because she was in love…

I wish I could have been able to do the same, but I knew I didn’t have the same freedom as you. These emotions of animosity were like a little bird chirping in my head. I wanted to break that rule just to rub it in our parents’ faces but I was trying so hard to be their second choice for the crown. This secret of yours was more than I could bear to keep, but I didn’t want to go down in the same ship as you. I didn’t want to be more of a failure to them. I just wanted to be seen as my own person. Is that too much to ask for?

Every night leading up to the fire, you would leave this empty castle filled with halls of people who didn’t care about me, just to have your little pathetic rendezvous. The person you met up with, were they even worth seeing? Yet, you kept taking those risks while our beloved parents belittled me for making the smallest of errors. I tried over and over again to be my own person, but they didn’t want that. All I heard was…

“Andrada, why can’t you act more like Luminita?”

“You see your sister, with all her elegance. Follow her example and maybe you could keep a man!”

“See how she walks and dresses, act like her! Wear the dresses you’re supposed to wear!”

Tell me my dear twin sister, why was this commoner so much more important than your life here? Why did you have to leave me all alone with these insignificant people? You know they only loved you but now that you're gone, all they talk about is you. Always being compared to the older sibling is like a fly buzzing in my ear to do better. Do you know how bad I wanted to tell them? I should’ve told them about how you were not only messing around with a commoner–but a person filled with pheromones who always smelled like sweets. Both of you acting all charming in front of everyone else but nobody knew that you both are filled with undeniable darkness. To tell our parents would have made me elated, but in the end…my heart was also corrupted with the same sweet darkness.

The fire, I asked you before if you remember the fire. Everytime I close my eyes, I see your thin structured body with your long brunette hair standing in the middle of the arched windows as the flames engulf the rest of the castle. I knew as I stared menacingly back at those windows, as the horse and carriage continued to scurry away, that what we–what I-- had done was never going to be said out loud. Because in those moments, I had gotten away with killing a pretender and it felt like a delicious victory.

You should know that our parents and I will be leaving Romania soon. Everything I wanna do is finally happening. You’re the only one who died in that fire which seems so predictable from the one and only prized possession. Even after your own death, you still were able to outshine everyone. Think about all the secrets that you think are now buried in your grave and then think about why you truly deserved this. Let me make this very clear to you my dear twin: I never hated you, but I never liked you either. We had our differences, which led to many fights, including our last one before you died. I had enough of the secrecy so I confronted you and, well, we know how that ended.

Sincerely,

Your number one fan

As I finish reading this last letter to you, I am not sad to see your casket filled with my blood-red roses go into the black snow-filled ground. But one thing I didn’t need to question is why your casket was closed.

Our parents weren’t very heartbroken to see me dead but we both know that it wasn’t me in the casket. Finally, us being twins came in handy! Now, it is I, Andranda, who will one day become the Queen of Romania and I will make sure that the spell you casted on Romania will finally be lifted. Because you–YOU–ended it all when we fought mercilessly before the fire started. I questioned you on why this commoner was so important. You denied every single question and even started accusing me of making your love affair up. You were a fake and a phony.

I had so much rage built up inside from our parents belittling me, and you never even noticed what was going on. I had no choice but to shut you up. In order to do so, I did the unthinkable. With all my rage, I took my favorite rose-colored candlestick with rose carving detailing, with the flame still melting the wick, and bashed you straight in the frontal lobe.

What can I say? I didn’t mean to, but when jealousy strikes like some sort of disease, these things are bound to happen. Then, before I could fathom what I had done, the curtains started to catch fire as fast as paper burns. I ran out of the room and went to my parents and yelled “Fire! A fire started!” I ran back to you…lying as if someone would come and save you…

I knew one of us was going to live and the other was going to suffer in hell for the rest of eternity…but I was always the rightful queen…

Isn’t that right, Luminita?