Ages 10-12
Social Emotional Development Ages: 10-12 Years
During the tween years, your child inches closer every day to being a full-fledged teenager. Fortunately, all of the changes that go along with the teen years—physical, social, emotional, and cognitive—happen slowly over a period of a time giving you time to prepare.
Typically, 12-year-olds have moments of both acting like the child you have always known and suddenly turning into a little adult right in front of you. Discover how to be prepared for the physical, emotional, social, and cognitive development that happens at this time.
Age 12 is smack-dab in the middle of the years in which girls begin puberty. It's also right at the beginning of the typical age that a boy starts going through the process as well.
In girls, you will notice breast development, hair growth, and, last, menstruation. In boys, puberty begins with the penis and testicles getting bigger, then hair growth in the pubic area and underarms, and then facial hair growth, muscle growth, and the deepening of his voice.
Key Milestones
Begins to show signs of puberty, including menstruation in girls and muscular development in boys
Becomes increasingly skilled in sports
Goes through a growth spurt
Parenting Tip
This isn’t the time to turn a blind eye to your tween’s growing sexuality even though it’s a hard road to journey down. So if you need help starting the conversation, talk to your child's doctor on how to broach the topic with your child.
Emotional Development
Teenage emotions are no joke, and you probably will get a taste of the wild ride over the next year. They love their parents but want nothing to do with them. They feel victorious and then feel as though they have failed everything. There will be moments of happiness, bumps of sadness, and then it will repeat all over again.
During this time, kids start to find their leadership skills and begin to understand the idea of giving back to the community. Encourage these skills by letting them take part in decision-making processes in the home and supporting involvement in community or school activities.
Key Milestones
Starts to show a rebellious streak
Cements their independence from parents, but often wants adult approval
Begins to question family values and develop personal morals
Parenting Tip
Balance independence and leadership with maintaining house rules and keeping your tween safe. Talk frequently about the things your 12-year-old would like to be able to do on their own and continually make compromises when it feels appropriate.
Social Development
Friends are becoming more important than ever, but the opposite sex is climbing in importance, too. Your 12-year-old thinks it’s important to belong, which often means finding independence from parents and other family members, but with that comes the risk of peer pressure.
Key Milestones
Shows concerns about being liked and accepted
Demonstrates interest in activities involving those of the other gender
Understands other people’s points of view
They are looking more to peers than parents
Parenting Tip
Keep communication channels open and available to your 12-year-old. Your child might start experiencing situations that they're not ready for or don't know how to deal with, including all that goes along with peer pressure and growing up. Even though your tween is establishing their independence, they still need to know that their parents are available for support.
Cognitive Development
A 12-year-old’s brain has stopped growing in size, but it’s nowhere near done developing. Abstract thinking, problem-solving, and logic are all becoming easier, but the prefrontal cortex, which plays a role in impulse control and organizational skills, is still immature.
Speech & Language
By 12, most children have a strong command of language and communication skills. They are able to think beyond literal interpretations, and proverbs and idioms won’t fly over their heads anymore. You will probably get your first taste of sarcasm, and they will understand tone, as well as the actual language, in a conversation.
Play
Twelve-year-olds are starting to spend their free time on activities such as organized sports, video games, and social activities with friends. Continue to keep an eye on the amount of screen time your tween is getting and encourage them to stay active, even if they’re not into organized sports.
Key Milestones
Understands and applies logic to situations and problems
Becomes aware of the concepts of justice and equality
Starts to understand cause-and-effect sequences
Parenting Tip
Stay in contact with your child’s teachers—without becoming a nuisance—and remain active in their academic life. Don’t wait until the report card comes home with a bad grade to ensure that your pre-teen is performing academically to their best ability. If there are academic issues, find the root cause rather than get upset, as it could be anything from an eye problem to a learning disability.
Many 12-year-olds begin exploring the morals of their peer group. So, don't be surprised if your 12-year-old announces they want to adopt a new lifestyle so they can live like their friend's family or that they want to explore a new religion.
Exploring morality is a normal part of the development process. So while it's important to explain your morals and establish rules that promote morality in your household, don't worry too much when your child says they don't agree with your beliefs.
Physical and emotional development don’t always go hand-in-hand when a child is evolving into a teenager. Don’t be concerned if your child doesn’t seem emotionally ready for activities that others their age are doing, or vice versa.
Stay connected with your tween’s emotional state of mind to be aware of mental health issues, such as depression, that can pop up at this time. While some moodiness is normal, concerns about a 12-year-old’s health and mental well-being should be discussed with a pediatrician or mental health provider.