British Food

In this article, Willow Ransom will discuss the disappointment she conceived when exploring the cultural food of Great Britain.

British Food: An experience

By: Willow Ransom

Although there is a lot of slander against the cultural dishes of Great Britain, it is honest to say that the rumors are true. However, while most of their dishes include the strongly disrespected baked beans, gravy, and sausage, distaste for bad British foods clouds judgment toward more delicious British creations full of fresh ingredients; after all, Great Britain is quite close to countries of more satisfactory culinary creations, like the croissant in Austria or the escargot of France. While it can be admitted that British food (Welsh, Scottish, and English “delicacies”) is often horrendous, there are just simply some flavors that rightfully and respectfully ask to be ignored and others that may bring complete satisfaction as an exquisite comfort food.

Best

#1: Pies

Pies are perhaps one of the most popular British foods indoctrinated into American culture, beginning with apple pasties (turnovers), which were brought to the US colonies in the late 1700s. Apple pasties quickly turned into pie, which evolved according to North America's indigenous ingredients, including "pumpkins.... strawberries, cranberries, and blueberries," stated by the National Museum of American Indian. Other than their fruit pies, Great Britain, specifically England, is famously known for mouth-watering meat pies, which are usually filled to the brim with tender, juicy meats; silky mushrooms, bursting with flavor; and potatoes, carrots, and the occasional leek.

While these pies may not sound as sweet and comforting as their fraternal twin filled with fruit and sugar, these vegetable and meat pies are popular for their comforting taste, which, in retrospect, features an admirable flavor. A meat pie is delicious and revolutionary for the fact that it magnifies the small amount of herbs inserted into it-- especially since most authentic English foods use salt and pepper as their everyday seasoning. It is ill to complain that the meat pies and those poor excuses for seasoning do not work because, in truth, the result is magical.

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Photo Credit: Willow Ransom

#2: Fish and Chips

Another popular British dish that can be enjoyed by your average American is fish and chips. Commonly found freshly caught and fried on the coast (both in the US and the UK), fish and chips are a softer excuse for chicken strips (which is also a more costly substitute for that picky seven-year-old we all know and love [kind of]). While the dish can be pretty self-explanatory, it is still a notable outcome of salt and pepper, which somehow ties the greasy fried part together with the fish that preferably does not have parasitic nematodes crawling in it. (Nematodes, according to Canadian food columnist Khalil Akhtar [Canada is the largest source of fish to the US according to the USDA], are common parasitic roundworms found in more than 20% of fish). Crispy on the outside, and fresh, flaky, warm, and soft on the inside is an underrated texture that is often missed in the food business. Quite honestly, however, as long as it is crispy on the outside and the fish is not soggy, it would still and forever be impossible to regret, even if the meal did contain those rumored parasitic worms. As a matter of fact, you may even get some extra nutrients out of it.

Recipe:

Fish and Chips

#3: Creamed Tea and Scones

A wannabe princess' dream can only ever be fulfilled by having cream tea and scones at least once. The must-have atmosphere is not the only thing that makes the experience, but the subtly sweet, smooth, and creamy black tea along with the dry scones that include fruit on the interior, and a sugar crust on the outside. The perfect combo of the two has been England’s highlight for centuries, as it was a common event for both the aristocrats and royals that came with the privilege to experience such a delight. The creamed tea and scones are also known as afternoon tea, for it is the tea that ties the flavors together between dry and wet– for a smoother texture that is not usually enough for a meal, but a casual afternoon snack before supper. This dish, however, does not have just the Chinese and Indian spices to thank, but also the Scottish, according to Freshways Dairy, for their creation of the scone. Scones are essentially denser cakes with less sugar that includes a delightful, yet filling mix of savory and sweet. Together, tea and scones can only be considered impossibly delicious, and there is a special place in eternal doom and karma for those who disagree.

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Worst

#1: Beans on Toast

Photo Credit: Christina Cucina

This is the worst thing that has possibly ever been tasted. It is not unreasonable to rather eat something like a monkey's brain (that could potentially give you Mad Cow Disease) in place of beans on toast. It does not matter in the least if it is served as a full English breakfast with potatoes and eggs. It will still ruin your mouth for decades. The bread is inevitably too cold or hot, wet or dry, crisp or dull, and the baked beans are too sweet or salty, hot or cold, tough or soft. Only a man who has been starving for three days (or anyone who has gained RESISTANCE against the foul creation) will be inclined to eat beans on toast. There is simply nothing else to describe or admit about it.

Recipe:

Christina Cucina's Beans on Toast

2# Liver and Onion Gravy Meatballs

The Welsh somehow found out how to make an item that is not bad enough to make you cry, but enough to trigger those who have difficulties with the taste of liver, bacon, and a slippery texture. For those who think that this dish could not be worse, it was named [REDACTED], which, although was not originally meant to insult, applies greatly to Western discrimination and modern-day slurs. [REDACTED], also known as Welsh liver and onion gravy meatballs, is considered a food that does not “travel well” due to its vulgar title and questionable taste and texture. Although it remains similar to regular ground beef meatballs, like what is popular in other Western countries, including the United States, these meatballs are not only cooked in a school on a budget-grade gravy, but also have an uncertain texture because of the way the dish is processed. It is not merely the fact at all that pork, liver, and bacon are included in this recipe, but just the complete result that is not favorable. This dish is not anywhere close to being in the top three best foods in the area, despite there being very little other competition.

Recipe:

Welsh Pork Meatballs

#3: Clotted Cream and Maraschino Cherry Scones

Clotted cream is perhaps one of the most average and disappointing creations by far. When I visited a bakery that had received awards for its scones, and I saw clotted cream was an add-on option, I wanted to try it so dearly. The decision, however, was regrettable. Clotted cream might as well be a poorer and thinner excuse of cream cheese, due to its creamy and milky texture. Clotted cream lacks any sweetener or flavor, as it is supposed to be paired with jam (which was also added to my order, but I still say it made very little difference). Despite clotted cream being created to help save milk from being wasted, it tastes (respectfully) more like cow waste than milk waste since it lacks any other enjoyable aspect of flavor.

At that same bakery, I also received a maraschino cherry scone, which sounded delightful at the time, but I should have noticed that the neon red cherries were less fruit than they were a red flag of what I spent money on. Scones, in theory, are delicious. However, there are also contradicting qualities determining whether or not they are truly worth spending precious stomach space. This particular scone came off too strongly in the wrong direction, as it was dry and lacking any flavor. Even the cherries could not help it-- besides adding a slight toxic flavoring that was mixed with the previous dough.

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Photo Credits: Willow Ransom

Rightfully, it can be decided that, even though each food varies in quality and quantity, it would be horrendous to travel to Great Britain with their local food in mind. Some dishes may be able to satisfy consumers for a short while but hold no promise-- good or bad-- beyond the majority presence of grain or starch and limited flavors of salt, pepper, sugar, and onion. A small exception may be specific meat dishes in Wales. Unlike many other countries, such as Greece, Hungary, and Italy, the food in Great Britain is a pure gamble. Either way, trying new foods (good or bad) is still a way to widen world perspectives, whether that may be through visiting a place that specializes in the food or making it at home. A little note, however: if the food is not terrible in Great Britain, you would probably be able to find it easily in the US.

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