(A parody of Poe’s “The Raven”)

Once upon a sultry June day, as I sat reclined at noonday,

With my eyelids heavy as my breath (called vulgarly a “snore”),

As repose sweet dreams was bringing, from my phone there came a ringing,

Shrill as when a crow is singing right outside my chamber door.

“’Tis a friend,” I muttered, “someone who has often called before,

                     “Only this, and nothing more.”

All the same, I rose, complaining, but a calm demeanor feigning

As I lifted the receiver, mumbling, grumbling all the more;

And I sighed, “Hello, who is it?” wond’ring if he wished to visit

Or what might embolden him my privacy thus to ignore.

Inwardly against that wretched telephone a grudge I bore

                     Which remained for ever more.

Not a friend as I had reckoned, he did not delay a second;

“Hello, this is Gimmicks Sale Unlimited,” he said, “the store;

“We have for half-price a Gismo and a Digitalic Prismo,

“Buy at once and you can save a lot on everything and more!”

“I want nothing, thanks,” I interrupted that obnoxious bore;

                     “Please to call me nevermore.”

“But we have on sale a Zwelling—” “I want nothing you are selling!

“Where did you procure my number? Could it  have been from Lenore?”

“We don’t give such information.” “Then I ask, whate’er your station,

“Take my number from your list, as I shall not support your store.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that for you.” I stamped upon the floor.

                     “Will you call back evermore?

“Cease your calling and annoying! Why, with all your skill employing,

“Are you still incompetent to stop these calls that I abhor?

“I detest solicitations! Even friends’ felicitations

“I dislike when they disturb my rest, for they are such a chore!

“Take my number off your list!” I cried. “This only I implore!”

                     Quoth the caller, “Nevermore.”