It’s important to show your teen how to disconnect from technology. Do a detox from a device. Try detoxing by choosing a night of the week and not using electronics. Make it a routine each week. Make sure that you, as the parent, are also participating. This will give their brain (and yours) a much needed reset. A detox is hard, so consider starting with a 30 minute detox then increase gradually. Trust me, your teen will find other ways to stimulate their brain without a device. Over time, they will become less reliant on technology and become increasingly well-adjusted to our technological world.

I know this is easier said than done. As I was writing this, I realized that I left my phone in my husband's truck. The very same truck he drove away in this morning. I keep stopping to check my phone, but it’s not here. It is a weird feeling; it’s almost like a part of me is missing. It’s funny – I never felt like that with my cordless phone from 1995. It just wasn’t as addictive. My cellphone is like a bag of Doritos for me...I cannot have them in the house because I cannot stop at just one! I keep going back to the bag in the pantry until it’s gone. Usually within 48 hours. My husband buys them for me on my birthday or Valentine’s day, and every time the same thing happens. I have no control when it comes to Doritos. Our devices are starting to hold that same sway over us. They can be very addictive. We use our devices when we are bored, when we are happy, when we are sad, when we wake up, when we work, when we book trips, etc.

When I was teaching my daughter how to drive, she never knew the directions to get anywhere. At age 15 or so before she got behind the wheel, I made a certain discovery. While I was driving, I would ask her to tell me which direction we needed to go to get to the grocery store. She wouldn’t know. I thought, “How can that be?” She didn’t know how to get to a lot of the places we go to regularly. That is when I realized that she never pays attention to where we are going because she is always looking at her phone. Frankly, I was shocked! I remember thinking that she is missing out on so much when we drive, including the rivers, trees, birds, cars, and people. How sad. I finally had to say, “Stop looking at your phone when we drive. Pay attention to the road and the other drivers around us.” Before she got behind the wheel, she learned the rules of the road by looking away from her phone. We required her to tell us many rules and directions before she was allowed to drive. Encourage your children to put their phones down in the car and pay attention to the world around them.

What I have learned: Stop! Stop! Stop! Take a break; you will survive for one hour, one afternoon, or one day without it! Model this self-control for your kids. Putting your phone down and looking around really opens up the whole world.

While editing Raising the Well-Adjusted Child: A Parent’s Manual, I had the pleasure of reliving so many wonderful memories from raising my children. Some memories made me smile and feel very warm inside. Others made me remember the feeling of trudging through mud and being stuck. Like the night when both of the girls were sick and vomiting, while my husband slept through it all. I’ll spare you the gorey details, but I am sure you’ll be able to fill in the blanks.

To make a long story short, I heard one daughter, so I got up to help her. I got her settled back in bed in clean sheets. Then came the chain reaction. My other daughter started; I got her back to bed and changed her sheets. Then, back and forth they went. When I grabbed the two-year-old again, I carried her to the hall bathroom. Well, we did not make it in time, so the hallway got a good dose of you know what. I thought to myself, “How could they have so much in their little bodies?” Yep, my husband was still sleeping in our bedroom at the other end of the house. In his defense, I thought I could handle it, but that did not happen. I remember running through the house covered in vomit and crying. Waking my husband, not kindly at all, I said, “Get up! I need help!” He was stunned and confused but got out of bed to help me. He has always been a great help when needed. Finally, I had someone to help me clean up the mess! When the kids were bathed and in clean jammies, my husband and I each took a child and sat up all night waiting for them to get some sleep. It was sheer exhaustion for all four of us.

That night was horrible at the time, but I can look back and laugh about it now. It was like a scene from a sitcom. I think to myself, “Why didn’t I just bring a bucket with me? Why did I keep the girls in their rooms? Why didn’t I wake my husband earlier?” Why? Why? Why? At the time, I just couldn’t even think straight. It was the middle of the night, and I was exhausted and overwhelmed. There were so many simple solutions, but when you are trudging through mud, your perspective can get a bit murky. And let’s get serious – parenting is exhausting sometimes.

What I have learned: It is going to be okay. You will get through nights like these. It seems like an eternity, but, thank goodness, they don’t happen often.

“You were so relaxed you didn’t even seem nervous.”

That was the comment from the host after the podcast. Little did she know, I practiced conversations and answers to made up questions in my head a million times in the weeks leading up to the interview. I checked the time zones twice to make sure I had the correct time for our zoom meeting. I picked out my outfit days in advance. I colored my hair (believe it or not, this is not my natural color – I think silver is my natural hair color now). I waxed my face and whitened my teeth! Wow – what I had to do to get ready for a podcast! But I think she meant that the conversation flowed naturally. From my perspective, it definitely did. I think that when you talk about something you are passionate about, something you love, something you live, you can speak with ease.

Children have been my life for at least 25 years. I have always connected with kids and have always loved their honesty and wit. I love their curiosity and their compassion for others. I prefer to sit at the kids’ table during family events because they are funny and like to laugh, while adults tend to dwell on problems and negativity. Kids want to share their hopes and dreams, all while still being accepted by those around them. Kids are what I know. I can comfortably talk to them, learn from them, and engage with them. I like to problem-solve with them and hear their thoughts on life. I know that children thrive on structure and routine, just like adults do. We talked a lot about structures and routines during the podcast, specifically how children need to know what to expect. Our kiddos need to know the schedule for the day more than we think they do. They need to know the plan.

On the podcast, we shared stories about our kids and our own parenting faux pas. We talked about how we, as parents, needed our kids to be on a routine as much as the kids needed it. We discussed the repercussions of a diversion from the routine and how we would pay for it later in the evening. For example, if we let our kids skip a nap, we ended up with cranky babies that night. We talked about the importance of asking for help when we needed it. And, we talked about how parenting is extremely difficult but gets easier each day.

It is my passion to help parents raise their children. It is my hope that my work inspires parents to help one another.

What I have learned: It does take a village to raise our children. It is okay to ask for help.

Check out The Kentucky Momma Podcast - Consistency and Scheduling