If you don't take care of yourself, you will have less of yourself available to help others through this crisis.

This is some of the clearest information I’ve seen so far on how to stay sane given our rapidly evolving new normal. It is from psychiatrist, Bruce Perry's work on brain-based education & mental health called the Neurosequential Model.

Our bodies are built to respond to stress and then, return to equilibrium. The pattern of the stress determines whether a person develops vulnerabilities or resilience. We are more likely to be compromised by stress when it is unpredictable, extreme, prolonged, meaningless, and we are isolated from others. We are more likely to have a resilient response to stress when it is more predictable, moderate, controllable, meaningful, and we maintain close connections with others.

Strategic self-care is about taking the steps you can to change your patterns of stress toward being more predictable, more moderate, more controllable, more meaningful, and more connected with others. It is also about being intentional about how you dose your stress and rejuvenation. Taking these steps will help you maintain your cool and be there for your kids in they ways they need to develop resilience.

Here are some concrete recommendations from

psychiatrist, Bruce Perry:

1. Let’s make an effort to talk about the need for physical distancing and emotional closeness to remain healthy, instead of “social distancing.” Reframing our thinking about physical distancing can help.

2. Connecting with others, maintaining/creating routines & rituals, and patterned rhythmic activity (singing, dancing, making music, walking, playing catch) are all naturally regulating.

3. Use how you watch the news and gather information about the spread of COVID-19 as one thing you can control.

   1. Only go to reputable sources of information

   2. Dose your exposure (e.g., 1 news cycle in the am, mid-day, & pm--nothing after 8pm)

   3. After your exposure to the news take 5 minutes to intentionally engage in something that regulates you

4. Use taking action (e.g., being kind) as a way to have some sense of control

   1. Once you make the choice to take action, you gain some sense of control and empowerment (e.g., dosing your exposure to media coverage of the pandemic )

   2. Being kind double scoop: both receiving kindness and being kind is very good for our mental and physical health

   3. Staying home takes away a lot of the downtime we had to recharge & decompress that was easy to take for granted (30 minutes of alone time on my commute has never sounded so good!). We still need that downtime, so we'll need to schedule it. Scheduling brief moments of simple mindfulness are a great way to add downtime and manage your stress patterns during the pandemic.

5. When time for self-care seems like a burden or impossible

   1. 5-10 minutes is enough to break up the stress pattern; it still moves you closer toward the manageable side

   2. Intentionally add regular doses of self-care to your schedule before and after predictable stressors

   3. Remember to include doses of humor, wonder, appreciation/gratitude, physical activity and the natural world

6. Putting it all together (examples)

   1. Creating an every other day 5-minute time to virtually “meet” or meet with physical distancing with someone who is alone or isolated (routine + connection + kindness +taking back some control)

   2. Vowing not to watch the news before you interact with your family (dosing + taking back some control)

   3. Setting up a regular night for socializing with friends over skype (routine + connection + taking back some control)