Family Conflicts
"We know we’re not supposed to yell at our children. But parents are very stressed at the moment, and frustration and anger are inevitable. Overwhelmed with everything you’ve been asked to do, you find yourself losing your temper at kids who aren’t on their best behavior either. But when your circumstances aren’t normal, your parenting won’t be normal"...
It’s time to lower our expectations. You won’t be able to do as much as you usually can as a parent, employee or partner. Instead, experts recommend focusing on your and your children’s emotional state and strive to maintain positive family dynamics.
“If you do nothing academically and just focus on your relationship with your children, then it will be time well spent,” explains Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist and parenting coach. “Kids can’t learn if they’re not feeling safe and loved. If there’s a strain in the connections at home, and it feels very tense and miserable, your child’s brain isn’t going to take in what they’re learning because they’re stressed and angry. Your relationship is the precursor for everything else falling into place."
--From the Child Mind Institute. Coronavirus Parenting: Managing Anger and Frustration, by Mia Miller
Given how much us parents and our families are all having to adapt to, if we're human, all of us are going to lose our temper with our family members from time to time. There's no such thing a perfect parenting during a pandemic. Coronavirus Parenting offers solutions for common WFH problems & some simple ideas for reducing tensions in your family if:
You are doing a lot of yelling
Everyone seems to need your help all at the same time
You are finding it hard not to be reactive
Your only sanctuary (your bed) is being invaded after bedtime
You feel like you have become your children's full-time IT support
Part of being a kid is that your frame of reference largely starts and ends with yourself. That puts kids at risk for blaming themselves when times are tough. When they blame themselves, feelings tend to go underground and behaviors become their way of communicating that things aren't right and, sometimes, it's all my fault. It is a HUGE part of children's social-emotional development for them to be able to Name It, to Tame It.
Early childhood expert, Dr. Chandra Michiko Ghosh Ippen, has written book for parents to read with their children that names so many of the stressors and challenges of the current situation. It comes with a comprehensive companion guide for parents to help them talk with their children in ways that help calm fears and other difficult emotions.Trinka and Sam Fighting the Big Virus: Trinka, Sam, and Littletown Work Together
When Siblings Won't Stop Fighting. This article offers several simple ideas for reducing conflict and boosting social problem solving skills
Single parents are among the front-line heroes in this crisis.
Single Parenting During the Corona Virus offers single parents valuable tips for surviving school closures (emphasis added); for example:
Acknowledge that right now, you are in survival mode. Be kind to yourself, and remember that though it may feel lonely, you are not alone. Everyone is going through this in one way or another. “If I read one more article about how this is a great time to reorganize my closet, I’m going to lose it,” says Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “I think we want to dispel the myth that this is a good time to work on things. This is a time to survive and get by and that’s okay.”
The Power of Play
In this podcast, Dr. Jack Shonkoff of Harvard's Center of the Developing Child, talks about how important it is right now for us to create opportunities for young children to play. Through play children practice countless life skills. Through play, Shonkoff explains, children develop a sense of mastery, which is a building block of resilience.