Grief and Loss Resources
Dear Families,
Please find below general guidelines for talking with our children about death, grief, and loss.
Practice your opener, for example, “Something really sad happened today.”
Be honest and concise in your responses to questions- kids need simple.
Children process in much shorter bursts than adults, so our children may be ready to move on after a few minutes. Be prepared for spontaneous conversations or questions over the few days/weeks/months.
Acknowledge, respect and validate individual feelings. Listening often is the most important thing we can do to support our children in coping with loss.
Do not try to “fix” it or pretend that it did not happen. Again, spend time listening and watching. Often children let us know what they need.
Maintain ‘normal’ routines, schedules and behavioral expectations. Children often find comfort in things familiar and predictable. Consistency is reassuring to our children’s sense of safety and well-being.
Be aware of your own feelings and understand that death often causes one’s past experiences with loss or death to surface. You are encouraged to find appropriate ways to address your own feelings.
We encourage you to take care of yourself (physically and emotionally) and to access support and help as needed.
We are here for you and your family to help with anything you need during this difficult time. Please do not hesitate to reach out.
Grief and Loss resources
Web Links
BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Loss: And How to Cope with It. J.E. Bernstein. Clarion, 1977.
Badger’s Parting Gift. Susan Barley. Mulberry Books, 1984. Old Badger gives parting gifts to his friends.
Don’t Despair on Thursdays. A. Moser. Landmark Editions, Inc. 1996. Children’s grief management.
Everett Anderson’s Goodbye. Lucille Clifton. Henry Holt, 1983. Picture book that goes through the stages of grief in few words and big pictures.
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. Slack, 1983. Nature provides a metaphor to teach about the changes that naturally occur in life and death.
I had a Friend Named Peter: Talking to Children about the Death of a Friend. Janice Cohn, DSW. William Morrow and Company, 1987. Betsy’s friend Peter has been struck by a car and killed. Her parents explain death and what will happen.
I’ll Miss You Mr. Hooper. Stiles, Mathieu, Henson, CTW. Random House for young readers, 1984. Big Bird goes through the same emotions and questions that we, especially children, may have after someone close dies. This opens wonderful dialogue for children to express feelings.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children. Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. Bantam Books, 1993. Natural lifetimes in all creatures and the fact that sometimes those lives are cut short by accident.
Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs. Tomie DePaola. Putnam Publishing Group, 2000. After the death of his beloved great-grandmother, a young boy learns that she will live on in his memory of her.
Remember the Secret. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Celestial Arts. A book about death and grief with religious background and message.
The Tenth Good Thing about Barney. Judith Viorst. Aladdin Paperbacks, 1971. A book about death and the sad feelings of a little girl who with the help of her father comes to terms with the death of her cat.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death. Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark Brown. Little, Brown and Company, 1996. A multicultural look at dying and the customs that surround it.
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing. Pat Schweibert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills.
BOOKS FOR ADULTS
Talking with Children About Loss. Maria Trozzi. available in the BES library. Summary: Answering difficult questions about how adults should discuss loss with children. A practical guide to a difficult subject reveals how children perceive important events such as death, disability and divorce; proposes age-appropriate responses to questions; discusses therapy options; and outlines strategies to broaching a wide variety of difficult topics.
Guiding Your Child Through Grief. M. Emswiler. Bantam, 2000. Identifies typical grief reactions by age.
Helping Children Cope with Death. Donna Schuurman. The Dougy Center for Grieving Children, 1998. Guidebook that provides a comprehensive overview of how children grieve and suggestions to support them.
Parenting Through Crisis: Helping Kids in Time of Loss, Grief and Change. B. Coloroso. Harpers Resources, 2001. Sooner or later all families are faced with crisis. This book provides information on how to cope with different crisis.
Talking About Death: A Dialogue between Parent and Child. Earl Grollman. Beacon Press, 1991. Guide to helping children cope with death. Includes a read-a-long story, discussion of coping with the child’s anger, denial and guilt and how to talk about funerals, cemeteries and grief.
VIDEOS
After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death. (2000). G Rating. Children are taught about death, the process of death, what it means to grieve and how our faith will sustain us in the difficult times.
Charlotte’s Web (2003). G Rating. Special relationships between Wilber the pig, Charlotte the spider and Templeton the rat.
Good Grief, Charlie Brown. (2002). NR Rating. Linus and the twisted tale of his security blanket. Everything bad happens … and yet, Linus can’t give up his blanket.
Iron Giant. (1999). G Rating. A young boy befriends a giant robot. The Iron giant is a misunderstood outsider who becomes the child’s best friend.
Lion King. (1995). G Rating. Lion cub is sent to exile after his father is killed by a rival uncle. The little hero finds his way to “The Circle of Life” with new friends.
Finding Nemo. (2003). G Rating. Nemo is captured by a scuba diver. His father, a nervous Nellie clownfish, sets off in the vast ocean to find him.