"Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more."

"All children accomplish milestones in their own way, in their own time."

"Earlier is not better."

"Predictability brings about security."

"Go slowly, and with great patience."

"Having Respect for the world is when you allow people to be what they are."

-All quotes from Magda Gerber

Sportscasting

More information and taken from Janet Lansbury

"

‘Sportscasting’ (or ‘broadcasting’) is the term infant specialist Magda Gerber coined to describe the nonjudgmental, “just the facts” verbalization of events she advised parents to use to support infants and toddlers as they struggle to develop new skills.

Sportscasters don’t judge, fix, shame, or blame. They just keep children safe, observe and state what they see, affording children the open space they need to continue struggling until they either solve the problem or decide to let go and move on to something else:

“You’re working very hard on fitting that puzzle piece. You seem frustrated.”

“Savannah, you had the bear and now Ally has it. You both want to hold it. Savannah is trying to get it back… Ally, I won’t let you hit.”

“You’re trying to climb back down from that step. I will keep you safe. I won’t let you fall.”

"

Discipline Without Shame

1. Begin with a predictable environment and realistic expectations

2. Don’t be afraid or take misbehavior personally

3. Respond in the moment, calmly, like a CEO

4. Speak in first person

5. Consequences that are natural and relevant rather than disconnected like a time-out

6. Don’t discipline a child for crying, allow them to express feelings without judgement

7. Never spank - research shows this will cause kids to act out more in the long run

Staying Calm and Repairing Harm

1. Gain Perspective - We all know our kids best. Are they acting this way because they are tired, thirsty or hungry? Is there a big test or project coming up? Is there a routine or transition change? Is there any social changes?

2. Perceive conflict and strong emotions as an opportunity. It isn’t a reason to be afraid that a child is upset, pushed another, didn’t share, or called someone a mean name. Don’t ignore it, but do take it as an opportunity to acknowledge feelings, model expectations, and provide a natural consequence if necessary (ex. “You threw bark chips so that shows me we need to take a break from the playground.”)

3. Have reasonable expectations. If your child slept poorly the night before and spent all of their energy focusing and working hard at school all day, they might not have the ability to do all of their homework.

4. Recognize personal triggers, projections, and weaknesses. This can help us prevent, prepare, and proactive in how we respond to a conflict or problem.

5. Practice Collaborative Problem Solving. This means addressing a conflict or problem by first acknowledging feelings, using empathy, defining the problem so it is clear, and inviting your child to offer a solution.

6. Consider these ways to show empathy: That makes total sense. I understand how that feels. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot. No wonder you’re upset. I’d feel the same way. That sounds very frustrating. That would have made me sad too. Okay, I think I get it, so what you’re feeling/thinking is...

7. Consider these guiding questions to help define the problem and invite a solution: What happened? How did this all begin, what was the very start? What are you feeling? What do you need most here? Who was affected/impacted? What can be done to make things right? What will keep things right? What would you really like to say here? How can others support you?

Transitions

1. Leaving our child to go wherever we need to go must be non-negotiable. Always acknowledge the child’s feelings, assure them you’ll be back, and then separate with calm conviction. It is torturous for a child to be in limbo attempting to keep us there longer while we waver.

2. Have clear and consistent routines. Children thrive on routines and knowing what to expect, this will help them remain calm and regulated.

3. Continuously prompt what is coming next before the transition (“It looks like you are done with breakfast, now I need you to brush your teeth, change, then we are ready to go.”)

4. Use a timer to help set a limit and stay on track (“I’m going to set a timer for 5 minutes and when that is done it is time for us to go.”

5. Prompt big transitions or routine changes long in advance. Continue to remind and prompt the transition and plan for it is as it comes.

Resource: No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury, 2014 and Lost at School by Ross Greene PhD, 2008