Friendship Group Roles

Queen Bees and Wannabes

1. The Queen Bee - Holds the most power and control in her friendship group. She decides what the group will do, what and who is cool or not, is strategically affectionate, won’t take responsibility for hurting feelings, and feels she has the right to seek revenge if wronged. She gains power and control over her environment, but her friendships are defined by power, not mutual support, trust, or care.

2. The Sidekick - The second in command to the Queen Bee. While very similar to the Queen Bee in qualities, she differs in that when separated, the Sidekick can alter her behavior for the better, while the Queen Bee would be more likely to find another Sidekick. She gains power over other girls that she wouldn’t have without the Queen Bee, but if she’s with the Queen Bee for too long, she may forget she ever had her own opinion.

3. The Banker - Information is currency, and the Banker has the ability to strategically create chaos by banking information on people in her social sphere. She is a trusted individual that is well liked by many, and the information she places doesn’t seem like gossip, but instead, innocent information. She gains the ability to create drama, but once figured out, can lose it all and not be trusted.

4. The Messenger - She also trades personal information and gossip but differs from the Banker in that her motivation is to reconcile conflicts between parties in conflict. She gains the feeling of being a valued member of friendships that would be made or broken because of her involvement. She loses in that she can be easily used, turned on, or manipulated, and discarded when no longer useful.

5. The Pleaser/Wannabe - She will do almost anything to be in the group or gain favor from the Queen Bee or Sidekick. She often imitates their interests and behavior, and is always trying to prove her loyalty to the more powerful girls. She can gain the feeling that she belongs, but because she is anticipating what others want in her, she doesn’t ask what she wants in return. As a result she may develop low self esteem and accommodate others more the worse she is treated.

6. The Torn Bystander - She doesn’t want to go up against more powerful people and convinces herself not to. She wants to help the Target, but doesn’t think it will make a difference. She may rationalize her own silence or apologize for others’ behavior. Because of her silence, she can gain acceptance into a group, which means increased popularity and the chance she won’t be a Target. What she loses as a result is the confidence to take a stand.

7. The Target - She is set up by other girls to be humiliated, made fun of, and/or excluded. While Targets are assumed to be outside of the clique, that isn’t always true, and often the hierarchy of girl groups is maintained by having a Target or someone at the bottom of the group’s totem pole. Girls outside the cliques become a Target when they are perceived to be trying too hard, or their style, behavior, or personal background is outside that of the clique. Girls inside the clique will become a Target if they’ve challenged someone higher in the totem pole and need to be put in their place. The Target can gain the ability to have empathy and understanding for those that are bullied or discriminated against. She can also see the costs of fitting in and end up gaining a healthy friendship group with other girls that respect her for who she is. Where she loses is feeling helpless in the face of other girls’ cruelty. She feels ashamed and rejected for who she is.

8. The Champion - Is not confined or controlled by social pressures to fit in. She can take criticism, doesn’t make people choose friends, and doesn’t blow off someone for a better offer. She has friends in different groups and doesn’t treat people differently when groups are together. She can and will stand up to the Queen Bee in a way that treats them both with dignity. She’s more likely to have higher self-esteem because she doesn’t base her self-worth on how well she’s accepted by one group. Her peers like her for who she is, and she’ll be less likely to sacrifice herself to gain and keep social status. The only thing a Champion can lose is that people can turn on her if she stands up for someone.

Masterminds and Wingmen

1. The Mastermind is a boy who is charismatic, is skilled in humiliating others, decides what is cool, and can argue or oppose any opinion. These skills enable The Mastermind to gain power and control. While he may be in this place of high influence, he loses any ability to take risks that might damage his place, and his friendships are only based on fear and power.

2. The Associate operates closely to The Mastermind. While these boys are generally more talkative and well liked by others, this behavior is to learn what he and The Mastermind can gain. Their power is only gained by being associated with the Mastermind, and with that they lose any identity separate from that.

3. The Bouncer is the tall, big, and intimidating member of a group. These boys are easily controlled by the Masterminds and Associates, taking the blame for them, and insulting or threatening who they say. Importantly, these boys have characteristics that might place them in a separate group than they are in, such us difficulty reading social situations, poor social skills, and difficulty with girls. The only gain for a Bouncer is power that they wouldn’t have without the Mastermind or Associate. His place in this triangle leads him to lose any healthy friendships, is unable to see how the Mastermind and Associate use him, and is not liked by others.

4. Every group loves The Entertainer. These boys bring comfort to groups their humor and ability to diffuse tension or bring light to a bad situation. In this place, they gain the positive feelings associated with their humor, helping them feel like they belong, are included, and have a secure position in a group. They lose by feeling the pressure to be funny all the time to maintain their place, and are not taken seriously for things.

5. The Conscious is the rule follower of a group, quick to argue against doing something risky and more likely to stay home and do homework. They gain trust and respect from others through their honesty and good intentions, but lose by being seen as a snitch or nice guy from his group, and often be left out of things.

6. The Punching Bag is a loved but relentlessly ridiculed member of a group. His only real gain is he has some friends, but loses by suffering this harassment from friends and feeling like he has no choice but to go along with it.

7. The Fly is seen as an annoyance to the friend groups that he hovers outside of. These boys might try to brag or buy their way into a friend group, but are never felt to belong. Any lashing out or exclusion towards The Fly by group members is justified by their annoyance and bringing is on themselves. They have nothing to gain but lose any real friendship outside of maybe being used briefly, and their poor social skills keep them in the outer perimeter.

8. The Champion describes boys that are genuine and well liked by others. They carry enough in ALMB characteristics that allow him to socialize with people in or outside of the box. Champions aren’t shattered by criticism or conflicting opinions, stands up for others. He is able to gain true genuine friendships and respect compared to other roles. While Champions hold a lot of great quality and good friendships, sometimes they can lose in that they might feel distant from their peers, or be turned on for doing the right thing.