I asked the moon to guide me home. She grinned and breathed in a laugh that rang in my soul before turning to vanish into darkened clouds.

My mom taught me that the moon was the way home when lost in the shadows. “When your eyes fail you, the moon illuminates the truth,” she told me time and time again before tucking me in for the night. She spoke of tales about the great Selene, the goddess of the moon, who provided light by riding her flaming chariot through the night sky, her white horses leading her onward. Selene sang while I slept, her voice creating dreams and visions of magic held in the stars. “Ask her to sing,” my mom would tell me before turning out my light, “ask her to show you your heart.” I can still hear my mother’s voice as I close my eyes, her stories sticking to my mind sending echoes through my bones.

❉ ❉ ❉

Selene stopped singing when my mom passed away. Every night I beg her to fill my sleep with song only to find her laughter in my dreams. When I was a child Selene opened a world for me that was painted in joy where pain was silenced before it could reach the human ear. I could always locate the moon there, for she resided directly above the sea, her face never changing, the sun never visiting: it was Selene and me. I spent years discovering this world she created, my feet never stopping and my eyes never straining. She taught me to sing to the water and watch as he illustrated the stories of his youth— tales of heartache and hope exploding from the sea while I sang my melody. He showed me how to survive pain and how to choose life when death calls.

The night I lost my mom I dreamed I had jumped into the sea, his waves surrounded me pulling me to the bottom of his home. He showed me the treasures collected from victories of war: piles of gold and jewels glistening in the light of the moon. He shared the secrets of battles the earth only knows glimpses of— battles our mortal minds could not begin to comprehend. The sea allowed me to explore his shelter and study his collection. I didn’t understand the point of him hoarding such lavish items, they seem foolish to love when you stare into the face of death. That night I awoke suffocating in sorrow with a cry trapped so deep in my lungs that my mind failed to receive the pain. It took a year and a half before I gave my lungs permission to breathe in air; the tears escaping my body as if the last remnants of the sea began returning home.

❉ ❉ ❉

I find myself afraid of the night now that the moon is silent. When your eyes fail you, the moon illuminates the truth. These words that once healed are now taunting in Selene’s silence. I’m not even sure if my mom knew what she was saying. What truth am I missing that I need the moon to show me? If Selene had something for me then why didn’t she tell me during the years she sang as I slumbered? Perhaps her song was simply a cruel joke to make me believe in something  nonexistent— maybe I was on a hunt for treasure that was never lost.

The night seems darker since the moon hid her face behind the clouds. There are moments where her laugh rings in the sky to illuminate the stars before fading back to the void. My mom promised me that Selene would always be there directly above the sea but it seems she took Selene with her the moment she left earth.

When I close my eyes I imagine my mother in the world created by dreams. She sits there singing to the sea the song she once sang to me. The sea is gentle with my mom, his waves gracefully crashing at her feet. I long to feel the coolness of the water and the warmth from the moon for one more night but now my universe is a borrowed memory.

❉ ❉ ❉

Last night Selene peeked out of the clouds and smiled at me once more. In unbelief I looked up and asked, “Selene, where did you hide the truth?” She led me to the end of the sea to a place I had never truly explored; for I found this spot years ago but rejected it due to the mud that covered the land. I searched for truth expecting to find a jewel shining in the shadow of the moon only to end up face down in the muck and filth of earth. In my mind I envisioned myself holding onto the jewel in victory, showing my discovery to anyone who would stop and listen. I dreamed the truth would offer me the world-- instead it gave me the earth.