The Essay

ET: Title.

If your teacher marks “ET,” identify which rule you violated:

1. Use imagination. An academic paper needs clarity in its title more than creative writing does. However, there is still room for imagination. Try a metaphor or symbol, or a title that is paradoxical or oxymoronic. You can compromise between fact and imagination by using a subtitle.

BORING: Improvements in Textile Manufacturing During the Industrial Revolution

IMAGINATIVE: Weavers of Gold

SUBTITLE: Weavers of Gold: The Textile Industry in the Industrial Revolution

2. Avoid vague titles, one-word titles, and complete sentences as titles. Titles like “Relationships between People” offer little idea of the subject. Titles like “War” or “Religion” give the impression that you plan to say everything about a vast topic. They offer no hint of a stance or attitude. Here are three titles of essays on the Civil Rights movement:

VAGUE: Change in Society

VAGUE: Prejudice

BETTER: A Divided Nation

Complete sentences usually sound awkward as titles.

AWKWARD (and trite): What Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

BETTER (a phrase, not a sentence): Steeled by Adversity

3. If you use a subtitle, it should be a factual statement of the topic. In essays about literature, the subtitle is usually a statement of the topic in the form “_____ in _____” (for example, “Hospitality in the Odyssey” or “Symbolism in Jane Eyre”). Here are titles for an essay on Flannery O’Connor’s story “Revelation”:

WRONG (two titles): A Bridge to Heaven: Flying and Falling

WRONG (title and subtitle reversed): Pride in “Revelation”: A Bridge to Heaven

RIGHT (creative title, factual subtitle): A Bridge to Heaven: Pride in “Revelation”

ETh: Topic and Thesis.

If your teacher marks “ETop” or “ETh,” you should review your topic and/or thesis. Study the rules below.

SUBJECT AREA: a general field of study, like genetics, criminal justice, or Japanese history. Writing assignments and projects usually begin with a general subject area which the writer must narrow to a specific topic.

TOPIC: A specific topic to be discussed in an essay.

THESIS: The central argument of an essay; a proposition an author advances and offers to prove or demonstrate. The plural is “theses” (it rhymes with “species”).

THESIS STATEMENT: Not a part of an essay, but an assignment which your teacher may require in advance of your essay, in order to see if you are making good progress.

LOCATION OF THE THESIS: Readers expect to learn within two paragraphs where an essay is going. A good location is the last sentence of paragraph one, but there is room for variety. Essays may begin, for instance, with a brief anecdote or evidence to clarify the issue to be discussed. For a short assignment or a timed essay, you should get to the point promptly.

COMPOSING THE THESIS: It is usually a mistake to make your thesis the first thing you write. If your topic is complex, your first thought is not likely to do it justice. Be patient. Let your ideas grow while you weigh the evidence. Many a bad essay has been produced by writers who sit down with preconceived ides that they are determined to prove at all costs.

EI: Introduction.

If your teacher marks “EI,” identify which rule you violated:

1. Avoid overused introductory devices and corny hooks.

OVERUSED: In our society today . . .

OVERUSED: Webster’s defines _____ as . . .

OVERUSED: Since the beginning of time . . .

OVERUSED: Throughout history . . .

The flashy hook is often artificial. An ideal introduction is both creative and relevant to your topic. However, a relevant-but-uncreative opening is better than a creative-but-irrelevant one which is there only to show off your cleverness.

CORNY: Life is like a rainbow, with many beautiful colors woven together.

Especially in academic essays, readers have little patience for cuteness. Get to the point.

2. Avoid statements of obvious fact.

OBVIOUS: In the world there are many kinds of people.

OBVIOUS: Trust is important in relationships.

3. Build up to your main point.

The sample introductory paragraph ends on a weak note, trailing off onto a minor point. It would be better if it ended on the second-to-last sentence.

Weak last sentence:

In her novel Their Eyes Were Watching God Zora Neale Hurston tells the story of a woman who spends much of her life seeking things she thinks will make her happy. Raised by her well-meaning but ignorant grandmother, she makes two large mistakes before she finds a life that brings her true fulfillment. Janie pays a high price but finally learns that people “got tuh go to God” and “got tuh find out about livin’ fuh theyselves” (192). Hurston uses metaphors of the horizon at the beginning and the end.

Your first paragraph should lead gradually to its main idea. You may start with a revealing detail or example, but by the end of the paragraph readers should know where the essay is headed (but not everything you will say). Readers do not have unlimited patience. They want to learn promptly what your topic is, why it is important, what approach to it you will take (and/or what kind of evidence you will analyze), and what thesis or conclusion you will reach. The introduction is not the place for supporting arguments.

EPara: Paragraphs.

If your teacher marks “EPara,” identify which rule you violated:

1. Avoid short paragraphs. They give the impression that the writer has not tied the ideas together. Paragraphs in academic essays should have three sentences at the very least.

2. Provide paragraph breaks. Paragraphs can be too long as well. Readers need paragraph breaks. Even in a narrative, paragraphs should be organized around a central topic.

3. Avoid one-idea, one-example paragraphs. They quickly become monotonous. Expand such paragraphs, either by adding evidence, or by discussing other aspects of the subject.

ETrans: provide effective transitions.

1. Avoid abrupt transitions. Explain the relation between your ideas.

2. Avoid weak, overused transitional phrases: “another example is,” “also,” “in addition,” “secondly,” and the meaningless “overall.”

OVERUSED: Although the two poems are similar, they also have many differences.

3. Do not make the last sentence of a paragraph the topic sentence of the next paragraph. Save it for the next paragraph.

The example below is from an essay on Frank O’Connor’s story “First Confession”:

Weak transitions, with the second transition misplaced at the end:

The first example of a religious teacher is Mrs. Ryan. She teaches religion every day after school, emphasizing sin and punishment instead of love and charity. Rarely mentioning heaven, she gives Jackie the impression that “hell had the first place in her heart” (614). Her idea of making good Christians is to use superstitious tales and threats of physical pain to terrify impressionable children. The result of her bad teaching is not suprising: Jackie is “scared to death of confession” (615). Another example of a religious teacher is the priest.

Better transitions, with the second transition where it belongs:

Fear is an easy way to motivate children, but it is a poor way to instill a love of truth and goodness. Mrs. Ryan, who teaches religion every day after school, emphasizes sin and punishment instead of love and charity. Rarely mentioning heaven, she gives Jackie the impression that “hell had the first place in her heart” (614). Her idea of making good Christians is to use superstitious tales and threats of physical pain to terrify impressionable children. The result of her bad teaching is not suprising: Jackie is “scared to death of confession” (615).

The priest is a much better teacher, for he understands children. . . .

EGen: Generalizations.

Failure to think critically leads to two common errors:

1. Avoid sweeping generalizations.

TOO GENERAL: Comedy is mockery of human imperfections.

The statement is true of some comedy, but by no means all.

TOO GENERAL: Shakespeare portrays women as weak or cruel.

How many of Shakespeare’s 38 plays and 1,200 characters has the writer studied before reaching such a conclusion? Has the writer considered the many strong and kind women in his plays, or the many weak and cruel men?

Generalizations about past ages can sound condescending, as if no one was ever enlightened until modern Americans came along:

TOO GENERAL: In the Renaissance people married only for wealth, not for love.

The claim here is as false as the assumption that people nowadays marry only for love.

TOO GENERAL: The poet uses language to express her outlook on life.

The statement here may not be untrue, but it is not worth saying. All poets use language to express their outlooks.

2. Avoid oversimplified explanations. Academic writing addresses difficult questions that rarely have simple answers. Beware of attributing complex phenomena to a single cause. A moderate conclusion is usually safer.

OVERSIMPLIFIED: Student demonstrations forced the government to end the war.

BETTER: Student demonstrations encouraged the government to end the war.

OVERSIMPLIFIED: Jealousy of Othello’s marriage drives Iago to plot against him.

BETTER: Jealousy of Othello’s marriage is one of Iago’s motives.

EC: Provide an effective conclusion, not a rewording of your opening paragraph.

Two flaws are common:

1. Do not reword your opening instead of concluding. A good conclusion is best, but no conclusion at all is better than one that bores readers by repeating what you already said. Save your best piece of evidence or clinching quotation for the end. Carry your analysis an extra step, to broader speculations about your topic. When you finish your last paragraph, revise your introduction to make sure that it sets up your ending without giving everything away.

2. Avoid overused phrases (“in conclusion,” “to sum up,” “finally,” “at the end of the day,” and “overall”).

ER: Think of your readers. Write for a general audience.

Beware of two opposite errors.

1. Do not assume your reader understands all your references. Good writers are always asking themselves, “Will my reader understand me?” Even though your teacher may be the only person who will read your essay, you should practice writing for a general audience—in other words, for readers who do not know you. Do not assume they know the context. The sentence below, from a personal narrative, might make sense to the writer, but it would baffle every reader unfamiliar with the routines at the reader’s school (not to mention readers who do not know you are a high school student):

UNCLEAR: Since it was period 5, I left my things at benches.

CLEAR: Since it would soon be lunch, I left my book bag at the bench where I usually eat.

The revised version provides context. For most assignments, you should assume that you are writing for readers who are about your age but who live somewhere else, who have never heard of your school or visited your hometown, and who know nothing about you—not your age, your sex, where you live, or even that you are a student.

If you are writing an analytical essay, assume your readers are generally acquainted with your subject but have not studied it from the angle you have taken. Do not tell them what the Civil War was or summarize the plot of the story or novel you are analyzing.

2. Do not tell your readers things they already know. The following sentence, from a college application essay, insults the intelligence of the admissions readers whom the writer hopes to impress favorably.

I live in Honolulu, the capital city of Hawai‘i, which is located in the Pacific Ocean.