Mall of Clichés

Welcome to the premier shopping destination for undiscriminating writers. We have something for everyone. Come browse with me.

A Procession in the Catacomb of Callistus. By Alberto Pisa (1864-1936).

Do you like apparel with a classic look? Shop at Fossil.

Allosaurus skull. Dinosaur National Park, Utah.

The samples here are only the tip of the iceberg!

Hackney coaches. The first taxis in England were horse-drawn carriages. The horses and later the carriages came to be called Hackney carriages, probably from the name of a village. London’s black taxis are still called Hackney carriages, and New Yorkers still call taxis “hacks.” Because the horses were overworked and the carriages were so common, “hackneyed” became a metaphor for “unoriginal.” The name may have contributed to the use of “hack” to describe a person who produces cheap, shoddy work and even to the computer term “hacking.” Source: World Wide Words.

Maybe you’d like something more sophisticated.

If you want to sound like a motivational seminar or self-help book, here’s the store for you!

Empower your mindset!

Richard Rosen’s book Psychobabble: Fast Talk and Quick Cure in the Era of Feeling (1977) popularized the term “psychobabble.”

To climb the corporate ladder, you need to sound like the movers and shakers. Dress your words for success!

Gustave Doré (1832-83), The Confusion of Tongues

Landfill

Vampire bat

Suck life from your sentences by using nouns as verbs:

Or by sticking suffixes or prefixes on adjectives and nouns:

Our shelves are stacked with the latest designer fashions:

Buzzwords, like the ones listed above for Emporio Pomposo, are impressive-sounding phrases with a technical ring that become popular for a while. Buzzword Bingo is a game in which each participant prepares a card with buzzwords and checks them off when someone uses them. When Vice President Al Gore spoke at MIT’s 1996 graduation, hackers circulated buzzword bingo cards to the graduates.

Dilbert. Cartoon by Scott Adams.

Maybe your writing feels a little cramped. Get plus sizes at the next store:

Classy ornaments for ordinary ideas

S U P E R S I Z E IT!

Don’t “help” when you can “FACILITATE.”

Don’t say “big” when you can say “EXPONENTIAL.”

Don’t feel “hope”! Feel “OPTIMISM.”

It’s not “common”! It’s “PREVALENT.”

Don’t call it “famous”! Call it “SIGNATURE.”

Don’t say it’s “best” when you can say it’s “OPTIMAL.”

Don’t “use” something you can “UTILIZE.”

Don’t “change subjects” when you can “SEGUE.”

Don’t call “odd” what you can call “SURREAL.”

Don’t be “aware”! Be “COGNIZANT.”

Don’t say there are “many”! There are “MYRIADS.”

Or even better: “A PLETHORA.”

Do you have only half a page when you need two? Don’t “tell” when you can “be in the communication process with.” Don’t “try” when you can “make a concerted effort.” Try some Sentence Plumpers. You can put two or three of them in every line:

S E N T E N C E P L U M P E R S

A fresh metaphor is the enemy of triteness, but you can find one with a musty scent on the shelves here.

M E T A P H O R A

Rusty train. São Paulo, Brazil.

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School bells soon will ring, and Mall of Clichés has everything. No one else abuses language as well as educators. Check out their newest products at Ed Warehouse:

Butts in the sand

Stereotypes. When printing was a slow process involving moving type by hand letter by letter, printers would cast a frequently used phrase as a single slug of metal that they could use repeatedly. The word for a printing plate was “cliché.” It is the past participle of the French verb clicher. “Stereotype,” another term for a printing plate, was coined in 1798 by a French printer who developed the technique for cheap printing. American journalist Walter Lippman seems to have started the modern metaphorical use of “stereotype” with his book Public Opinion (1922).

Printing from a stereotype. Image from Deutsche Fotothek.

Platitudes. A “platitude” is a wise-sounding generalization that is overused and shallow. Related to the words “plate” and “plateau,” the term comes from the French plat, meaning “flat” or “dull.” Its first recorded use dates from 1812.

Duck-billed platitude. Image from Uncyclopedia.

Is your paper due tomorrow? Who needs research? You’ll see what you need in FluffCrafters.

Dust bunnies

From an 1884 issue of the British magazine Punch, a cartoon satirizing clichés from novels.

San Jose State University sponsors an annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the worst opening sentence of an imaginary novel. It is named after English novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton, who actually began a novel with the line “It was a dark and stormy night.” Visit the award-winning site: www.bulwer-lytton.com

New Clichés. Joseph Epstein’s essay “The Ephemeral Verities” describes the phenomenon of the new cliché: an impressive-sounding idea that becomes a fad in the academic world and trickles down to popular use through college sophomores, middle-brow magazines, TV commentators and cocktail parties, losing most of its meaning along the way. The phrases below once meant something but now mostly make readers groan, laugh or snore. Can you match the cliché with the person who originated (or popularized) it?

For styles fresh enough for the daily news, come to Journalese Republic:

The Mummies’ Museum. Guanajato, Mexico.

Bromides. A “bromide” is a term for a cliché or platitude. The term comes from the use of potassium bromide as mild tranquilizers and sedatives. The metaphor, popularized by American humorist Frank Gelett Burgess in his book Are You a Bromide? (1906), implies that the dull expressions make readers or listeners drowsy. Source: Online Etymology Dictionary.

Clichés creep into your brain and make a home. When producing a real idea is too much work, they pop out instead.

Here’s another tribe. They occupy you. They are a tent village on your front lawn. They crawl around your skull like the cookies and viruses munching the innards of your computer, the cockroaches scavenging in your toothbrush bristles at night, and the tapeworms coiling in your intestines. Whether you like it or not, you know them better than the Pledge of Allegiance or the Lord’s Prayer.

Before we say goodbye, I have a gift for your shopping cart. It’s the hottest item in the mall:

Signature Iconic Focus Issues

You can rearrange the words, and they will make the same amount of meaning:

“It has an iconic issues focus signature.”

“I recommend an issues iconic signature focus.”

“I detect a signature issues focus iconic.”

Let me show you some of the things it can do:

The signature issues have an iconic focus.

The pop diva, all the rage with the smart set, belted out her signature number.

The economy has become the signature focus of the election.

Hand-crafted in Italy, our signature line of women’s wear features iconic accessories.

Hamlet says, “To be or not to be” because he realizes life is all about death issues.

Say it in school, and you’ll get straight A’s without reading a page. Your classmates will think you’re a genius. The person of your dreams will fall in love with you. Begin your papers with it, and even you will think you’re smart:

Signature iconic focus issues play an important role in our society today.

I hope you have enjoyed your visit. For a special shopping experience, get your personal shopper and dive into in the throng of bargain-seekers at the Mall of Clichés.

Dante’s Inferno, Canto 8: The Fifth Circle. Illustrated by Giovanni Stradano (1523-1605).