WORDS
Conciseness
Contents
WORDINESS and REPETITION
Wdy: avoid wordiness by simplifying phrases and sentence structure.
If your teacher marks “Wdy,” do not delete the wordy phrase; restate it more concisely. If it takes ten words, try to say it in five or fewer. Every unnecessary word makes your writing worse.
WORDY: is reflective of, there is a bird singing, did not do anything
CONCISE: reflects, a bird sings, did nothing
WORDY: It is the wordiness of my writing that is indicative of the fact that there is, in fact, nothing that I have to say, in actuality.
CONCISE: I have nothing to say.
Red: avoid redundant expressions.
Do not delete or replace the entire phrase; eliminate the word or words that make it redundant.
The Keables Guide uses the term “redundancy” to describe single phrases like “true fact,” and “repetition” for ideas repeated over several sentences.
REDUNDANT
red crimson apple
I thought to myself
background experience
opening introduction
fellow teammates
first started
return back
share the same room
BETTER
red apple
I thought
experience
introduction
teammates
started
return
share a room
Read your writing critically; learn to spot the logical flaws in “royal king,” “powerful atomic bomb” or “helpful to others.” A fourteen-line sonnet or a three-sided triangle is like a one-nosed face.
EXTRA HELP: Reading for Redundancy
Test your proofreading ability. The narrative below has more than fifty redundancies.
I was sitting in a coffee shop in an old, dilapidated chair waiting for someone I was expecting who had not yet arrived. The watch I was wearing said it was 11:00 o’clock a.m. in the morning. Outside it was rainy and wet. Hearing an audible sound, I looked through the window to the outdoors and up to the sky overhead. I saw some pigeons and birds. Some were ascending upward, but one was hovering in one place in the air.
The wind blew the restaurant door closed, and I heard it slam loudly shut. Looking from where I was sitting, I saw a boy in a hooded parka. He was an old friend of mine. I had not seen him since he was a young boy in elementary school. He greeted me with a smile on his face, but I could see the contrasting differences from his old self, and I knew he was in a sad state of mourning. In my relationships with people, my relatable empathy for others helps me to connect with and understand others. It doesn’t matter if it’s a famous celebrity or someone guilty of illegal crimes. I never lie to people.
We had a conversation with each other. For years we had been out of touch, and the reason was because we had drifted further apart. As we spoke, we shared together our inner thoughts, and we recalled memories from the past. Throughout the entire conversation, his stories that he told completely fascinated me. He had gone through some unfortunate tragedies that left an unpleasant distaste in his mouth. One of his friends had died in a fatal auto accident. I thought to myself, “I should try to make him feel better by cheering him up.” I said, “You have experienced problems in your life, but you have hope for a bright future ahead of you. It is possible that you could reach your potential. Think about your legacy you will leave behind you.”
In a quiet whisper he gratefully said, “Thank you,” clutching my hand tightly to emphasize further the emotions he felt. Before we left, I promised to visit him where he lives. I took out a piece of paper, made a written note on it, and later added the information to my list of people’s addresses.
Red.Pro: redundant pronouns.
Do not use two pronouns when one will do.
REDUNDANT: his reason for his decision
RIGHT: the reason for his decision
Red.Abs: redundant absolutes.
Some absolute modifiers do not take intensifiers or the comparative or superlative degree.
ILLOGICAL: very unique, more perfectly, totally destroyed, the most eternal
Rep: avoid repeating the same idea over several sentences.
Do not just reword one of the sentences or delete all the sentences. Identify the repeated idea and say it only once.
The Keables Guide uses “repetition” for ideas repeated over several sentences, and “redundancy” for single phrases like “true fact.”
REPETITIOUS: The ending of the story is happy and satisfying, but it is also unhappy and dissatisfying in other ways. It is happy and satisfying because Jim is set free and Huck Finn’s inheritance is intact. It is unhappy and dissatisfying in other ways because Huck is not happy at home and wants to run away. Whereas Jim is free, Huck still wants to escape.
REWORDED, NOT IMPROVED: The conclusion of the tale is cheerful and pleasing, but it is additionally sad and displeasing in other manners. It is cheerful and pleasing because Jim is liberated and Huck Finn still has the money he is supposed to inherit. It is sad and displeasing in other ways because Huck is not cheerful at home and desires to escape. Whereas Jim is liberated, Huck still wants to go away.
CONCISE: Although at the end Jim is free and Huck’s inheritance is intact, Huck remains unhappy and eager to escape.
Where you can do so with no loss of clarity, omit understood words to avoid repetition:
REPETITIOUS: I do not have the time to shop for jewelry or the money to shop for jewelry.
CONCISE: I have neither the time nor the money to shop for jewelry.
Circ: avoid circular reasoning.
Another term for circular reasoning is “tautology”: an argument that says nothing.
CIRCULAR: They disagree with each other due to their different opinions.