Managing conflict

Lies and rumours can spread like wildfire online, and it’s not always easy to know the best way to respond.

Often when something happens at school or within your friend group, the drama can spill out onto social media or private messenger apps. Whether you’re directly involved or not, it’s always best to have a cool head and help diffuse the situation if you can.

What to do

Resist the urge to retaliate

Resist the urge to retaliate. Rather than continuing the cycle of negativity, try intervening with some positive comments or changing the subject. If you feel like you might be tempted to retaliate, turn off your notifications and leave your phone somewhere for a while, so you can concentrate on other things. 

Offer a new perspective 

If you see a one-sided mean post about someone you know, rather than scrolling by, you could shake it up and offer a new perspective. It could be as simple as offering a different side to the story or saying something really nice about the person they’re targeting. Even offering something completely off topic can help to interrupt the stream of abuse.

‘One time a girl in our year posted a photo of some text messages from another girl and tried to paint the situation in a certain way and a lot of other people in the year group were commenting on it saying “wow —can’t believe she would say that”.

I knew the full story and she had only posted her side of it. I commented on the photo saying, “guys there is way more to this, stop posting mean comments”. When people realised that the post wasn’t the full story, they were sorry, and my friend that I stuck up for was really grateful.’

DM the person being targeted 

Reach out to the person being targeted and let them know you’ve got their back. Even if they’re not your best mate, sending them a message to make sure they’re OK can have a huge impact on another person.

Report the post

If the post, messages or photos are on a social media service, you should report it. Reporting is anonymous on most social media services and can be an effective way to put a stop to the drama. 

Get outside help

If the drama is getting serious, it might be time to reach out for more help. Speak to a trusted adult, or someone with a bit more authority who would be able to help you out with the situation. Encourage whoever it is targeted at to seek help too. If they are feeling really down, let them know that they can reach out to the school counselling services, their tutor or Head of House.

Cyberbullying is the use of technology to bully a person with the intent to hurt or intimidate them. One in five young people have been bullied online.

Some examples of cyberbullying include:

• hurtful or abusive messages 

• creating fake accounts in someone’s name to trick or humiliate people  

• spreading nasty rumours or lies about someone 

• sharing photos of someone to make fun of them or humiliate them 

What to do 

Resist the urge to respond 

Resist the urge to respond to any hate targeted at you online, it usually just makes it worse. Often people will say hurtful things just to get a reaction and you don’t want to be associated with that or provide them with any reason to get you in trouble as well. Stick to treating people the way you want to be treated online and offline, and you will definitely feel better about yourself. 

Screenshot evidence  

Before you block or delete, make sure you screenshot. If you’ve seen or been the target of mean or nasty stuff online, your immediate reaction might be to make it disappear, but it’s really important you keep evidence of it. This might help you out down the track if they continue to be nasty and you need to report it to eSafety. However, if the bullying material involves nudes, be aware that possessing or sharing such images of people under 18 may be a crime, even if the picture is of you or you have just taken a screenshot for evidence purposes. For information about relevant laws in Australia, visit Youth Law Australia. You can also read our advice on what to do if your nudes have been shared.  

Report and block 

Most social media services, games and apps have a function that makes it easy to report and block online bullying. You can find reporting links for social media, apps, games and websites in the eSafety guide. If people continue to post mean stuff about you that you can’t see, but your friends tell you about, encourage your friends to report it too. 

Talk to someone 

Cyberbullying can make you feel isolated and like everyone is out to get you, but that’s not the case. Make sure you talk to people you trust and get support from mates or adults that have your back, and you’ll realise that you are not alone. There are also the school counselling services or hotlines you can call, where caring people are ready to hear you out.

Teasing or banter is typically playful joking around between friends, whether it’s an inside joke between school mates or a meme you’re sharing in a group chat. But sometimes it can go too far.

Banter is meant to be light-hearted and friendly, but sometimes it can be taken too far, or escalate into bullying behaviour. You might not even realise you’re doing it. 

The way we talk online can also make it more difficult to know where to draw the line between banter and bullying. 

It can be easy to misinterpret a comment or post, when you can’t see someone’s face or hear the tone of the person who posted it. In the same way, you might not have intended to hurt someone’s feelings, but what you thought was friendly banter, could be considered bullying to someone else. Here is how you can help keep it friendly. 

What to do

Don’t get too personal 

Set some limits. Picking on someone’s appearance or aspects of their identity, like their gender, race, sexuality or religion, should not be material for funny banter. They might make fun of these things themselves, but it’s a good idea to avoid these topics altogether. Also, if this is someone you know really well, you probably already know some things that your friend is insecure about. If you are aware it is a sensitive subject, it’s best to not go there!

Saying ‘I was only joking’ after the fact, doesn’t help 

Even if you really just mean it as a joke, it’s best to apologise if you made someone feel upset. Try not to argue about how you intended the joke to be taken. Doing this can often inflame the situation. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and remember, the best way to fix the situation is to apologise.

Don’t be a bystander

If you feel like someone is taking it too far in a group chat, maybe they’re just unaware of how they are making the other person feel. Gently point out to them that what they are saying can be taken the wrong way — you can do this by commenting on a post or by sending them a direct message. When they realise how they are making the other person feel, they’ll most likely let up. And if they don’t, report it or tell an adult you trust. 

If you see that someone is clearly not taking someone else’s banter as a joke, reach out to them and ask them if they are OK. Let them know that they can get help and support.