PINKY PROMISE OUR ANIMAL SUBJECTS WERE NOT STOLEN FROM CIVILIANS

Late Monday night San Andreas dispatch received word of a prisoner that had escaped from Bolingbroke penitentiary. The prisoner in question- Mia Gonzales- was apprehended at the boathouse in Sandy Shores about an hour later on a traffic stop. The prisoner in question had attempted to flee the area in a vehicle. Having attempted to flee from officers, they quickly found themselves in a car accident. When the officers on scene attempted to speak with the driver- Mia Gonzales attempted to hijack the LEO cruiser, however unsuccessfully. Units on scene were able to bring Mia Gonzales into custody and return her back to Bolingbroke. 

NO OFFICER, I DID NOT DROP YOUR CRUISER INTO THE ALAMO SEA

Recently, a strange red glow has been recorded from the LiveLE studio headquarters. Our Weazel News interns report loud music emanating from the sound stage that was described as "some sort of rap that only residents of the East Side would play". We are unsure what these reports could be. Our current theory is either that LiveLE is creating a new partnership with a group of individuals that are hosting their own barbeque inside the studio itself, or that aliens dressed as dev asset "leakers" have infiltrated their ranks.

One of our unpaid assistants was able to snag a USB drive labeled only as "inspiration", however a lot of it was corrupted. We have added what little we could manage to recover, and will keep you posted if we find any other details about this.

THE SHOTGUN IS FOR ANYONE WHO DOUBLE GULP FUCKS WITH US

Late Tuesday night, 911 dispatchers received a call reporting that a citizen of Los Santos was being chased by a tank. Officers were immediately dispatched to the area and located the tank quickly. After backing the tank into an alley at 838, its 2 occupants exited the tank and began to run in opposite directions. Two air units were dispatched to the area and were able to assist officers in locating one of the occupants at 830 Carson Avenue at a motel. Approximately 6 blocks from the abandoned vehicle.

After apprehending the passenger of the tank at 830, officers expanded their search grid in an attempt to locate the driver. As of writing this article, the driver has not been located. Weazel News advises all members of Los Santos to remain vigilant and report suspicious behaviour to 911 immediately. The driver was last known to be wearing a black and grey jacket, black and grey camo pants, and a black hat. Last seen at 837 in South LS.

THE GUN IS FREE BUT YOU HAVE TO BUY YOUR PATROL CAR

On the morning of December 5th following a heavy snowfall a privately owned Bus flipped near the Motel. First responders rushed to the scene to find one individual and her pet inside, her pet was a Mountain lion Named Cuddles which caught the responders off-guard, Both the driver and Cuddles were unharmed after being checked by EMS.

Cuddles would run away while the owner was being cared for causing wildlife rangers to quickly respond before it hurt anybody. Upon arrival They found Cuddles and got it back to its owner.

The Accident was caused by slippery road conditions. We urge everyone to make sure your vehicles are Snow ready during the Winter to prevent accidents like this.

VOTED LOS SANTOS'S BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT AND CRABS SHACK

In shocking turn of events, members of DoJRP were treated to a Christmas Miracle when Liam R. 1B-4 was witnessed patrolling in server for the first time in 10 years. He joined for 30 minutes and then promptly went back into hibernation. To those of you lucky enough to witness this once-in-a-lifetime showstopping event, put this on your resumes because it's that special.

Our publisher Sam has requested that you do not check the last time he patrolled, because that is not relevant to this argument and he swears that Liam is the real one that never gets in server.

OUR WORKERS ARE LEGAL BUT THE METH SURE AIN'T