40. THE CHOICE IS YOURS

So the husband/wife relationship can be eternal or temporary. The choice is entirely up to the individuals. It's not that it has to be one or the other as so many devotees think. If you don't want an eternal relationship, then nobody can force you. You can live together in a cooperative fashion, without making any commitment to each other spiritually. That is possible. That relationship is somewhat impersonal, but it is possible. It is not the highest kind of marriage relationship as described in sastra. One can also bump into a different soul lifetime after lifetime, just like straws touching in the ocean waves. Or a couple can share three or four lifetimes together and then part ways never to meet again. There is no impersonal formula that determines such things. Modern hypnosis regressions have completely confirmed Prabhupada's statements on such husband-wife relationships. Some couples get together lifetime after lifetime. Some only a few lifetimes. It is only logical and common sense that if a couple are very intimately connected with each other, and they become perfected together, then they will also go back to Godhead together. There are many descriptions in the Srimad Bhagavatam of couples living together in the spiritual world, but without mundane sex desire, because they are continually chanting the glories of the Lord. This concept of course gives rise to some very interesting questions regarding spiritual relationships. This section is only meant to give the general idea of the possibilities so devotees can choose, in full knowledge, what kind of marriage they want. If a couple strive together, but don't make it in this lifetime for one reason or another, if they are both sincere, then they will continue together in the next life. Chances are it will be in reversed roles. Then she can play lord and master, and he can play chaste, and surrendered wife. It doesn't matter who plays what role. Ultimately we are all female in the sense that we are all meant to be enjoyed by Krsna. And the price for Krsna is the same for both. Both must give up their puffed-up false egos. She gives it up to her husband, and he gives it up to Krsna. Thus both become perfect. The goal is to go back to Krsna, one way or another.

The question sometimes arises. Does this mean a woman cannot go back to Godhead without the help of a husband? Independent minded women, for the most part, raise this question. The answer is: possible, but not likely. Remember the example of the relay race. There is always the rare soul that can run the entire race by himself and keep up with the other runners, who are sharing the distance with partners. But such a person is rare. Similarly, most women will tend to become very degraded if they are not protected by a man. Prabhupada says that women as a class will be inclined to think about sex, subtle or gross. If a woman is very strong, and becomes a nun, strictly following the regulative principles, then of course she can directly go back to Godhead by her own strength. Most women, however, will not be able to do so, and as such Prabhupada never encouraged women to think this way. He always stressed they be chaste and faithful to their husbands.