20. AFFECTION BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

"Regarding your personal question in the matter of relationship with your husband. Your relationship with your husband is all right. You must be faithful and devoted to your husband, Dayananda. Vedic system advises women to become very chaste and accept the husband as master. Your husband is especially good because he is progressing in Krsna consciousness. I am very glad that you two are very good combination and your devotion for your husband and your husband's love for you are considered great achievements. I feel very happy when I see my spiritual boys and girls, especially those who have been married by my personal presence, are very happy in their conjugal relationship." (Nandarani, 10/8/67)

This mood shows the way Srila Prabhupada felt about his married disciples. In personal letters, he never discouraged affection between man and wife, or said such affection was Maya. Rather he encouraged it in many letters like the one above. Why would Srila Prabhupada consider it a "great achievement" to be attached to one's spouse? Does this sound like the words of a renunciate who is always preaching against family attachment and sense gratification? No. There is no contradiction whatsoever. Srila Prabhupada wanted mature responsible householders to manage his movement. This is clear by the fact that all the original GBC men were married. He knew perfectly well that his disciples were not prepared to accept the celibate order of life, sannyasa, but he was hoping that they could at least come up to the level of being responsible householders. Marriage means responsibility. It is superior to be a responsible householder than a wild-card bachelor in the guise of a sannyasi. He knew that for man and wife to live together peacefully and push on the movement there would have to be some affection between them. Ideally, as stated in many places, the wife should be faithful to her husband out of duty even if affection isn't there. But that is neither likely, or expected, in Westernized women. Therefore Prabhupada encouraged the women to be very attached to their husbands. He never preached some artificial renunciation to his young and usually passionate disciples.