How to Help a Loved One With Trauma

How to Help a Loved One With Trauma

Written by: Jordan Kadish

Reviewed by: Melissa Cammack, LPC

If you have ever experienced trauma yourself, you’d know how debilitating and isolating it can feel to cope with it alone. That being said, many individuals struggle to discover how to go about helping someone with trauma. Trauma is extremely personal, and many fear that reaching out to help or support someone who is going through trauma may come off as meddling with their business. Although your intentions are likely positive, you may worry that you will offend someone who is already having a hard time—or even worse—retraumatize them. Although supporting your loved one who is coping with trauma is always a good idea, there are right and wrong ways to go about it. Keep reading for some tips!

What is Trauma? 

Trauma can be described as a deeply distressing experience that can have a profound impact on one’s mental and emotional well-being, as well as how one perceives the world around them after going through the experience. Those who experience trauma have common reactions like flashbacks, anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others, hypervigilance, and more. When someone you love is going through trauma, offering your support is crucial. 

Trauma can be categorized into multiple types, including acute trauma (resulting from a single incident, like a car crash) and complex trauma (resulting from prolonged exposure to stressors, like repeated bullying or abuse). 

The most important thing to remember about trauma is that it is different for everyone. While some people may come out of a tough situation completely unbothered, someone else could come out of the same situation traumatized. It all depends on one’s personality, predisposition to vulnerability, and level of resilience. 

How to Recognize if Someone is Experiencing Trauma

A loved one who is dealing with trauma may not come right out and tell you about it. Most of the time, you have to read between the lines and look for the signs of trauma. Changes in normal behavior, mood swings, isolation, and withdrawal from social activities may indicate trauma or another mental health concern. It is essential to approach this with compassion and without blame, as this person is likely already in a vulnerable place. 

How to Help Someone With Trauma: 

1. Communicate openly. Initiate conversations in a non-confrontational manner and assure your loved ones that you are here to listen to them without judgment. This will create a safe space for them to share if they are ready. If they choose to share with you, try your best not to interrupt or share your own experiences, unless asked. Although you may want them to know that you understand what they are going through, this can be invalidating when someone is finally sharing something difficult they’ve held back for long. When they finish discussing what happened or how they are feeling, make sure to express empathy (not pity) and validate their emotions. Let them know that they are not wrong for feeling this way, and that their situation sounds very difficult. If they ask for advice, you may share your suggestions, but be aware that many times, people just want someone to listen. 

2. Educate yourself. To provide effective support, you must know what you are talking about. Research to understand the nature of their trauma, its potential triggers, and the impact on mental health. This knowledge not only helps you support them, but demonstrates your commitment to understanding what they are struggling with. 

3. Encourage self-care. A great way to support your loved one is to help them develop healthy coping mechanisms. Offer to partake in self-care activities alongside them to show your support, like going on hikes together to exercise, sending them meditation videos you have found helpful, or starting a hobby together like painting or pottery. 

4. Talk about the possibility of professional help. Many trauma survivors feel as though their trauma is not “bad enough” to get professional help for it. This could not be further from the truth. Therapy can be an extremely valuable tool for someone who is going through trauma, and can help them learn more about themselves, practice positive coping skills, and talk through what has happened to make more sense of it. Offer to assist in finding a qualified mental health professional who specializes in trauma. Provide support in scheduling appointments and even attending sessions, if they would like. 

5. Take care of yourself. Supporting a loved one through trauma can be emotionally challenging for you, as well. Remember, it does not make you a bad person to step away from helping a loved one with trauma if it is negatively affecting your mental health. It is essential to prioritize your well-being and avoid burnout. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, share your experiences with a trusted loved one. Having your own support system ensures that you have outlets for processing your emotions along the way. 

All in all, supporting a loved one through trauma is a complicated but rewarding journey. By understanding the nature of trauma and the ways in which you can help, you may play a crucial role in their healing process.