How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety

How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety

Written by: Jordan Kadish

Reviewed by: Melissa Cammack, LPC

Do you get a sinking feeling in your chest whenever you envision yourself being vulnerable and sharing the deepest parts of yourself with a partner? Perhaps you were hurt in the past by a messy break-up, or have been too nervous to ever jump into a relationship in the first place. The idea of having a conflict in the relationship, dealing with jealousy, or worse—rejection—is just too much for you to handle. If you relate to any of these statements, you may have relationship anxiety. You may feel at ease now that Valentine’s Day is over and you are not constantly surrounded by lovey couples, romantic comedy movies on repeat, and mushy love ballads. However, relationship anxiety is not fun to deal with, and it’s best to learn healthy coping strategies as soon as possible. Keep reading to learn more about this and how to cope with it!

What is Relationship Anxiety?

Nobody likes rejection or fighting with their partner. However, those with relationship anxiety feel a persistent fear of abandonment, rejection, deception, and/or conflict in relationships. Sure, having a partner who acts sneaky or dishonest can worsen these fears. But, the funny thing is, the relationship itself is not always the cause of relationship anxiety. Oftentimes relationship anxiety lives solely inside the person affected, even though they have a loyal and loving partner. 

Relationship anxiety can be caused by past trauma, like a break-up that negatively affected your perception of love, or even witnessing a messy divorce between your parents. Likewise, it can also be caused by low self-esteem or a feeling deep down that you are not “good enough” for someone to love and cherish. Whatever the cause may be, it can create upsetting feelings, such as avoidance, doubt, fear of commitment, excessive overthinking, emotional exhaustion, physical symptoms of anxiety (stomach aches or trembling), and/or impulsive decision-making. 

Signs You Have Relationship Anxiety:

Of course, if you resonate with the words above, you may have relationship anxiety. However, for some, it is harder to tell if you have relationship anxiety. Here are some behaviors typically performed by individuals who suffer from this: 

1. Constant Doubt About The Relationship: You are always unsure of your partner’s true feelings for you and intentions in the relationship, even if they are showing their love. This feeling only gets worse when your partner shows any signs that could point to your inner worries being true, like speaking in a slightly different tone with you. 

2. Worrying They Will Break Up With You: You feel like a break-up is coming any minute now. You mentally prepare yourself for this to happen, and try your best to prevent it by overcompensating. 

3. Overthinking Every Detail: You overanalyze everything your partner says or does for signs that they may be cheating on you, planning a break-up, mad at you, etc. Even just a late reply to your text can send you into a spiral. 

4. Sabotaging The Relationship: You decide to “get them before they get you” and initiate a break-up to protect yourself from being the one getting abandoned. 

5. Avoiding Relationships Altogether: You yearn for a healthy and loving relationship, but the fear of losing someone or getting hurt is too big to agree to commit to someone. 

How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety:

So, you think you may have relationship anxiety. Don’t worry–you are not alone. Here are some tips on how to deal with it healthily: 

1. Practice Mindfulness: Be aware of your negative thoughts regarding relationships as they arise, and attempt to not assign meaning to them. Just because a thought pops up saying that your partner is going to leave you does not mean it’s true. Don’t force the thought down, but also avoid harping on it. Let the thought come up and then simply pass by. Practicing mindfulness meditation may help with this. 

2. Communicate With Your Partner: If you find yourself acting extra clingy or distrustful towards your partner, sit down with them and tell them that you are dealing with relationship anxiety. If there are things they do/don’t do that make your anxiety worse, kindly ask them to change these behaviors. It is important to not blame your partner for your relationship anxiety unless they are mistreating you. But, by making your partner aware that you deal with this, they can support you and help try to make it better. 

3. Sit With Your Feelings: Instead of acting on impulse or feeling like you have to do something to prevent a break-up or fight, practice sitting with your feelings. Accept that you feel anxious or scared, but sit in that uncomfortable feeling instead of taking action and possibly doing something you could regret. 

4. Build Your Self-Esteem: If the root of your relationship anxiety is self-esteem issues, try boosting your self-esteem through self-love techniques. Journal about your positive qualities, take care of yourself by exercising and eating healthy and nurture your hobbies and interests. Remember to notice the good qualities about yourself, even if they are small things at first, like always being nice to service workers or having nice hair. 

5. See a Therapist: If you find yourself struggling to cope with relationship anxiety alone and it seems to be negatively affecting your relationships, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in relationship anxiety. They can help you practice even more techniques to build your self-esteem and stop bad habits. 

Relationship anxiety can be difficult to deal with, but with hard work, there are ways to improve it and have happy and fulfilling relationships. You got this!