Chapter 48

MY LETTER STAYS like that until the day comes for me to leave. A car is coming in the afternoon to take us to the airport.

I know I should write more. Even if I don’t, I should at least put it in the mailbox. But instead, I just stuff it in my backpack and try to convince myself I’ll come up with something profound and meaningful in the car.

But I have so much to say, and I don’t know how to say them. I stare out the window, blankly watching the cars pulling in and out of the parking lot. I feel like I’m betraying her. After everything she did for me, I can’t be bothered to write a stupid goodbye letter.

Lilian comes in with a packet of cheese crackers. “How’re the clothes?”

“Fine,” I say without turning away from the window, my chin still resting on my folded arms. I know it’s rude and ungrateful. My new clothes fit me well, nice and breezy for the summery weather, and my new bag is clean and packed with everything from my old bag, along with my diary and a box of free hospital crayons and a cellphone for emergencies. I should be happy about leaving. Relieved, at least. I’m going somewhere safe. But dread is eating away at my heart.

So write the letter, Dany. That’s the only thing holding you back.

But I feel stuck, and every second that passes on the clock only pulls panic closer to the surface.

God, Dany, just write the letter.

“Here.” Lilian opens the cheese crackers and sets it on the window sill, but not before stealing one. “It’s almost lunch. Do you want something from the hospital? Or I could get someone to buy something different.”

“Like what?” I say listlessly.

“Hm. Well.” Lilian peers out the window with me. “I see a sandwich place out there. Fast food. Or pizza?”

Pizza. Zahira works in a pizza shop. Not this one, though. She works in Metro Place, a mall in a city an hour away.

I watch a bus pull into a station beside the hospital, and an inkling of an idea seeps into my head.

I say, “Can I have ice cream and french fries?”

Lilian frowns. “For lunch?”

“It’s…” I swallow my bubbling nerves. Be calm, Dany. Don’t let her know what you’re thinking. “Marisa, she, uh. She promised me one.”

Her expression softens. “Okay, then. I’ll get Harty to buy some for you.”

Harty is one of the two guys who sit out in the parking lot, making sure Lilian and I are safe. Lilian steps outside the room to call him, and while she waits for him to pick up, I poke my head out and tell her I’m going to the washroom.

She nods, too distracted to notice I have my backpack on.

And she’s too distracted to notice me slip past the washroom, heading for the stairs.

I speed-walk through the hospital, my heart galloping in fear. Any moment now, I’m expecting Lilian to burst out from the stairwell shouting my name, or Harty and his buddy to suddenly show up and herd me back to my room.

But the closer I get to the hospital entrance, the more excitement replaces the nervousness.

I’m almost there. And nobody is stopping me.

I hover by the big plants beside the automatic sliding doors, casing the world outside. I’m not exactly sure where Harty and his buddy are parked. I just know it’s one of the blue cars, and I can’t let them catch me.

My eyes go to the bus station. The bus I saw is already gone, but another one is sliding into place. A few people are already in line, and some people in the hospital lobby are getting up to catch the bus, too.

Perfect.

Following close behind a mother and her daughter, I slip out of the hospital and join the bus line.