Chapter 18

Dear diary.

I don’t know how to start.

Something bad happened. It isn’t my fault. But Marisa thinks it is. I can tell she’s super mad at me because she won’t talk to me.

But it ISN’T my fault. I didn’t get caught because I went to look for the vending machine. Those cops were already there. The motel woman called them. They said so on the radio. I got a grapefruit energy drink thing and chips and I turned around and suddenly there was a cop there. He told me “it’s okay” and was holding his hand at me like I’m some kind of rabid animal, and then he very obviously called for backup on his walkie-talkie, like I’d be too stupid to know what he was doing.

I tried to run. But one of his buddies showed up, and they tried to corner me. I didn’t spark them. That’s one of our cardinal rules: I should NEVER use my sparks on people, ESPECIALLY people who don’t know I have superpowers. But I got lucky because there was a big gap between them and I just booked it. I went back to the motel room because I didn’t know where else to go. I thought maybe Marisa would be back and she would save me. But she wasn’t. I locked the door and called her on the motel phone. I told her what was happening, and she said she was coming back right away, and before she hanged up, I heard Lilian’s voice. It was far from the phone and hard to hear, but it was definitely Lilian.

And then I heard the cops outside the door, and they were trying to break it down, and I panicked. It was like all of a sudden my mind went white and all I could think about was hiding. I grabbed my backpack. But I didn’t take you. You were on the table and by the time I remembered you, I was already hiding in the bathroom, and the cops were kicking through the door. I know hiding in the bathroom was a bad move. I should have sparked through the windows and ran.

That’s when it got worse. I was trapped in the bathroom and the cops knew it. They were knocking outside and telling me it’s safe to come out, that they’re there to help me, that they won’t hurt me. I knew they wouldn’t hurt me. But I wasn’t afraid of them. I was afraid of Them. But how was I supposed to explain all that? They wouldn’t believe me anyway. I told them to go away. I was so scared they were just going to kick down this door too, and they’ll take me away from Marisa and then They’ll find me.

Remember when I said my sparks are invisible? They’re supposed to be. I can sort of see them, like if you stare at a light for too long and you see a purply shadow of it if you look somewhere else. That’s what the sparks look like to me. But nobody else can see it. Doctor Heed recorded me during the tests. I looked at the video afterward. The sparks weren’t there, even though I knew they were.

But in the bathroom, suddenly I could see them. I wasn’t calling to them. They just appeared. They were so bright and flashing off my hands and the walls. I could feel something really bad was about to happen. I could feel the sparks about to explode.

But I controlled it. I tried to tell Marisa that. I don’t think she believes me. I put up my hands and imagined all the sparks coming between them, and they did. But they still wanted to explode, so I told them to go. I pushed them at the door and blew it right up. I don’t know what happened to the cops on the other side. I just ran.

But there were more cops in the parking lot. A whole bunch of them, with guns and squad cars. It’s like they just appeared. The guy in charge told me not to be afraid and they have the place surrounded. You’re not supposed to say that together. How is anyone supposed to be not afraid when you basically just told them they can’t leave.

I could feel the sparks starting again. They weren’t visible yet, but I could feel the pins and needles all the way up my arms, and my head was buzzing too. I knew I had to get out of there fast, before the sparks blew again and the cops saw what I can do. But there wasn’t anywhere I could run. They had me trapped.

The guy in charge tried to talk to me. He told me to come with him and they could keep me safe. I’m not supposed to talk to cops, but I couldn’t help it. I told them they don’t even know what they’re supposed to keep me safe from. They still think Marisa kidnapped me. They’ll never believe what Doctor Heed and his goons want to do to me. 

I wasn’t planning to spark them, but then I heard one of their walkie-talkies. They were talking about Marisa. She was coming back to the motel, and they were going to get the jump on her. 

I’m not supposed to show my sparks to anyone. But I wanted, WANTED them to burn. I let the sparks fill me up with fire, and then I screamed. I didn’t aim for the cops. I aimed for their cars. They got blasted way up in the air, and there were burn marks on the ground, and the cops got blown back. I’ve never seen my sparks like that before. Never that big, never that bright, and they were hot, like they were real explosions with real fire. Calling them made me dizzy and I tried to run, but one of the cops grabbed me. I tried to spark him off. I didn’t care about our rules anymore. But it was like I used them all up. I didn’t feel the pins and needles. I just felt all numb and sick.

And then Marisa came. She drove right over the curb to get into the parking lot and told me to get down. I did, and she shot the cop grabbing me. I don’t know if she shot him dead. But I felt his blood on my neck.

Marisa got me onto the car and I passed out.

We’re safe now. We’ve been driving for a while. But dear diary, I left you behind. I’m sorry. I should have remembered you. I should have grabbed you before I ran. But I’ll keep writing you in my head, I promise. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.