Chapter 42

SOMEWHERE.

Somewhere out there I can feel cold air stinging my skin. My shoes scraping along the snowy sidewalk. Wetness on my hands. My blood. Marisa’s blood. There’s pain. Somewhere. Everywhere.

Behind me, the orange light grows. The faint crackle of fire, the stink of smoke.

In my pocket, Marisa’s phone is ringing.

I sink to my knees. Everything is suddenly so heavy. The clothes on my skin, the air in my lungs. My backpack hanging from my shoulders, Marisa’s bag clutched against my chest. I want to lie down. I don’t want to carry anything anymore.

The phone is still ringing.

Numbly, I slip out Marisa’s cellphone. The caller ID doesn’t show a name. I pick it up.

“Marisa?” says the voice on the other end. “Marisa, are you alright?”

Lilian. I can tell, even though she’s all shaky with panic. I open my mouth. I want to answer. But I can’t make a sound.

“Are you there?” Lilian says. “Marisa?”

I slump forward, closing my eyes.

Not Marisa. Marisa isn’t here.

Marisa is dead.

A long silence later, she says, “Dany?”

I stop breathing. For a moment she sounded just like Marisa.

“Dany,” she says again, slower. “Is that you?”

I take a breath to answer, but my throat closes up, and I’m crying.

“Dany, where’s Marisa?” Panic creeps back into her voice. “I heard—where’s Marisa? What happened? Dany?”

“She’s…” My voice cracks, tumbles, scatters. “She’s…”

Lilian is quiet. When she speaks again, she’s urgent. “Where are you, Dany? Are you safe?”

Don’t tell her, a little voice says. She’s one of Them.

But Marisa said. She said.

Last resort.

“Driveway,” I say. “School.” I’m not sure if the words make it past my mouth. I try again, but it comes out weaker, and I fall into tears.

“Okay,” she says, and I hear rustling. “Okay, stay there, Dany, alright? Just stay there. I’m coming to get you. I’ll get you somewhere safe. Just stay right there.”

I let my hand slip down to my lap, Lilian’s voice still chittering, begging for an answer. I can feel the heat of the fire on my back. I can hear sirens in the distance.

Stay right here. Stay right here while Marisa disappears inside the school.

It’s okay, Dany. It’s over now. Lilian is coming to get you, and she’ll protect you, and you’ll go somewhere safe and…

And…and…and…

And what?

Move on? Go to school? Have a normal life?

Pretend like none of this ever happened?

I remember sitting in the empty cafeteria, trying to imagine myself eating and talking with my friends. I remember the deep ache in my heart because I wanted this life, but it isn’t mine. This is. Taking it day by day, never stopping. I panicked when I pictured living on the road with Marisa for the rest of my life. That wasn’t the future I wanted, but it’s the only one I can imagine, and now she’s gone, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Oh, god, what am I supposed to do?

I push onto my feet, swaying, dizziness eating into my eyesight.

The sirens are getting close.

I can’t stay here.

I take a step, holding tight to my side. I don’t know where to go. The world is suddenly so big and dark and it’s going to swallow me alive.

But I can’t leave Marisa here.

One foot in front of the other. Walking. Biting through my pain.

And then I run.

I run and I run and I run.