The Indian Woman’s Dilemma: Love Vs. Arranged Marriage

Introduction

It is a natural progression when girls come of marriageable age in India. The question often popped to them is about their marriage, or the parents are queried if they are looking for alliances for their daughter(s).

Indian women have been subconsciously trained to accept that one day they will be married and must have all the qualities of a good wife, housekeeper, and mother. She must fit into her husband’s family and make adjustments so that she makes her husband and in-laws happy too. Most young Indian women have been mentally and emotionally guided towards this mindset for years, perhaps even after completing education. With time, Indian women learned to become independent and took up a career after completion of their education.

Arranged Marriage and Indian Women Today

However, the tradition of arranged marriages has continued, and many educated young women with careers have had arranged marriages. In recent years, Indian women have exercised their rights and financial freedom to make their own choices when it comes to marriage. Nowadays, many Indian women feel marriage is unnecessary. They have a good career, they are independent and self-sufficient and do not want to be in a commitment where the women think they are bound to face issues, with the divorce rate on the rise.

While a survey shows that 74 percent of Indians prefer arranged marriage, most often the marriages hold because of society, and the fear of facing ugly legal and financial struggles. An arranged marriage does not necessarily mean the couple is on the same wavelength, accepting of each other and are in a comfortable space. However,some couples are not on the same wavelength and have different perceptions and opinions as well as priorities. Some couples stay apart, even on account of their careers, or a clash of minds. The only fact is they are not separated by the court of law.

Conventional Mind-Set of Indians

Most Indians are of the mindset that the bride must fit into the family of her spouse. The Indian woman had to face the struggle of going into a new family, where she must make the adjustments to ensure her husband and in-laws are happy. She must be accepted as the ideal daughter-in-law.

Society today has changed a lot. The partners in a marriage must ensure they invest enough time and patience and make efforts to ensure their marriage works. Both are independent and have their views and opinions. Yet, for all practical purposes, it is the women who take care of the house and chores; go for work and take care of the children while the husband is focused on his career. The demands have changed but not necessarily to the advantage of women.

New Mindset and Reforms Needed

Conventional thinking must change, and it is time the woman alone does not have to make all the adjustments. If the onus is on the new bride to fit into her new family, will her spouse and his family treat her equally, support her and stand up for her? The changes and adjustments must be both ways.

Marriage can no longer place the onus on the young Indian woman to struggle to prove herself in her spouse’s house, while there is no one to ask her what she wants. A young Indian woman of today has the freedom to make her choice and keep her individuality. It will be ideal if she finds a like-minded partner who will respect and reciprocate her feelings, and both build a life partnership of love and acceptance.

A Mix of New and Old Trends

New trends must be allowed, and old ones too accommodated. There should be a balance. In an arranged marriage, most often the woman has little say or standing as her parents carry on the tradition of upholding the groom and his family and pander to their whims in the anxiety that their daughter should be ‘happy’ in her husband’s home.

Love marriage can be built on impulse or on the blind faith that the partner is perfect. After the initial charm wears off, they start taking each other for granted.While, many things could be right in their relationship, the most important are love, respect, acceptance, and giving the partner space.

Marriage should be a commitment of equality where each learns from the other and learns to co-adapt well.