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How We Talk to Ourselves is Important
How We Talk to Ourselves is Important
Did you know that if we tell ourselves something long enough, we start to believe it? Think about it. What are some things you say to yourself? What are the nice things? What are the not so nice things?
Think about what you would say to your favorite person in the world when they are having a bad day...
Would you tell them to get over it? Would you call them mean names or tell them they are wrong for feeling the way they do? Probably not. We might encourage them to take care of themselves, to consider the facts or even remind them how important they are.
Now, what are some of the things you say to yourself when you are having a bad day? Are they encouraging things like you'd tell your favorite person? Sometimes it is easy not to think about the ways we talk to ourselves but it is so very important.
What is Self-Talk?
As we go about our daily lives, we constantly think about and interpret the situations we find ourselves in. It is like we have an internal voice that determines how we perceive every situation. We call this inner voice our “self-talk,” and it includes our conscious thoughts as well as our unconscious assumptions and beliefs.
Negative Self-Talk
Can be automatic which means we might not know we are even doing it. Negative self-talk often causes us to feel bad, and can make us feel hurt, angry, frustrated, depressed or anxious. It can also make us behave in a self-defeating way. For instance, thoughts like ”I’m going to fail for sure” might discourage you from working hard when you are preparing for your exams, and you might actually fail as a result.
An example of negative self talk would be if you tell yourself that there’s no reason to study for an upcoming test because you already know that you’re going to fail. You may not even try to study because you believe you won’t pass, regardless. However if you believe that you will do well on the test or that studying will help, then you’re much more likely to do well on the test. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re capable of achieving a lot more than you think.
A challenge with negative self-talk is that what you think or say to yourself might seem true. You might assume that your thoughts are facts, when in reality they are based on your perceptions. If you are feeling down on yourself for some reason, this can lead to your thoughts being especially harsh.
Negative self-talk can also affect your self-esteem. When you feel down, it is likely that you’re hard on yourself, and you might criticize and judge yourself unfairly. The worse you feel, the more negative your self-talk is likely to become. It can be helpful to put a more positive perspective on things. For example, challenge your self-talk by imagining it’s a friend in your situation and reframe it based on what you’d say to them. We’re often nicer to friends than we are to ourselves!
Challenging the negative or unhelpful aspects of your thinking enables you to feel better and to respond to situations in a more helpful way. You can practice noticing your own negative self-talk as it happens, and consciously choose to think about the situation in a more realistic and helpful way. You might be surprised to realize how distorted some of your previous thoughts were before.
Toward the bottom of the Anxiety Management page, there are more examples of how to Challenge Negative Thinking.
Positive self-talk
Is challenging the negative or unhelpful aspects of your thinking, and replacing them with more reasonable and helpful thoughts. This is a powerful way to feel better either about yourself or a situation. Is not always easy but you can see a difference in our emotions and moods when we are kind to ourselves. Positive self-talk teaches us how to build our confidence, improves our attitudes, helps us cope with stress, encourages motivation, helps us work through challenges and it promotes self-love.
Here are some examples of positive self-talk:
I have the power to change my mind.
I have permission to change my mind.
Attempting to do this took courage and I'm proud of myself for trying.
I love myself for who I am.
Fear is only a feeling, it cannot hold me back.
I forgive myself for any past mistakes.
Positive Affirmations
Affirmations can be really helpful reminders for us when our emotions are feeling overwhelming. Starting our day using positive affirmations can help us maintain a more positive mood throughout the day, even when unexpected things happen. If we can change our thinking to channel a realistic outlook, it can help us when difficult things do happen. Changing our thinking is hard work but if we treat ourselves with more kindness, we will see a difference in our moods.
Below are examples of positive affirmations we can say during different situations. Take a minute and find a few or all that you'd like to start reminding yourself of when things get rough.
To increase self-esteem and body image:
1. I embrace my flaws because I know that nobody is perfect
2. I don’t want to look like anyone but myself
3. I get better every day in every way
4. My self-worth is not determined by a number on a scale
5. I matter, and what I have to offer this world also matters
6. I love myself deeply and completely
To help them deal with adversity
7. This too shall pass
8. Failure is great feedback
9. I am confident about solving life’s problems successfully
10. I learn from my challenges and always find ways to overcome them
11. Everything works out for the best possible good
12. I press on because I believe in my path
To encourage them to believe in their future
13. If I can conceive it and believe it, I can achieve it
14. The future is good, and I look toward it with hope and happiness
15. I can do whatever I focus my mind on
16. I follow my dreams no matter what
17. All my problems have solutions
18. I am open to all possibilities
To reduce comparing themselves to others
19. I compare myself only to my highest self
20. I am not trying to fit in, because I was born to stand out
21. I refrain from comparing myself to others
22. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes
23. I am who I want to be starting right now
24. I see perfection in both my virtues and my flaws
To deal with bullying or social conflict
25. I belong, and I am good enough
26. No one can make me feel inferior without my consent
27. I surround myself with people who treat me well
28. I see the beauty in others
29. I am safe and sound, and all is well
30. It is okay to say no because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter
To improve their overall attitude
31. I am perfect and complete just the way I am
32. I control my emotions; they don’t control me
33. I am too big a gift to this world to feel self-pity
34. Today is the best day of my life
35. I fill my day with hope and face it with joy
36. I choose to fully participate in this existence
37. The mistakes I made yesterday are creating the person I’ll be tomorrow
Disclaimer: These links are purely for educational purposes and are not intended as psychological interventions or as a substitute for psychological treatment. If you are in need of psychological help you should seek the consultation of a licensed mental health professional.
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