Sustaining Reciprocal Relationships

Bad is stronger than good.

"Within good, lasting relationships, friends and intimate partners have approximately five good interactions for each negative interaction. Thus, many good interactions can override the negative effects of one bad interaction. Given equal numbers of good and bad, however, the effects of bad ones are generally stronger than those of the good ones."

-Psychology Research and Reference

http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-cognition/bad-is-stronger-than-good/


During a crisis or what appears to be a crisis, remember the 80:20 rule. 80 % of the time things go smoothly and collaboratively. But during 20 % of time when things can get rocky, there is an opportunity to pause to reflect inwardly and to reflect back what you are hearing in order to gain clarity AND to remember the brilliance and courage of both parties to stay connected and to consider a new perspective.

Schedule the best time to engage in a crucial conversation to:

  • Ask open ended questions

  • Listen and learn something you didn't know

  • Reflect back what you are hearing

  • Empathize with self and the other

  • Gently assert your needs

  • Show your respect and appreciation

  • Consider a new path or attitude

  • Change the system together

The Quality of the Alliance Determines the Outcomes


A wise person was asked:

What is Anger?

The person responded with a beautiful answer:

It is a punishment you give to yourself for somebody else's mistake.

Consider the power in Shakespeare's words:

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

Photo courtesy of Richard Reynolds

As we learn to have compassion for ourselves, the circle of compassion for others- what and whom we can work with, and how, becomes wider

Pema Chodron

After all, we are all just walking each other home...

COVID-19

The pandemic has eliminated some of the dividing lines between patients and providers. This virus has no boundaries. Providers are contracting the disease and experiencing similar health and system challenges as patients. They are experiencing the challenges of long-symptoms, both mental and physical, and the challenges that arise when navigating chaotic healthcare systems.

If you have experienced health or system challenges due to COVID, whether as a patient or as a caregiver please don't give up! Continue to be honest, pay attention, speak up and reach out for help.

Telehealth has added benefits (and challenges!) There are so many benefits to using new and innovative technology but the patient provider relationship must not suffer. There are resources just a google search away that can help you continue to engage effectively during these changing times.

Here are some simple rules to consider as you sustain healthy and life enhancing relationships with yourself and others.

FINDING BALANCE:

SETTING BOUNDARIES

Members of a fast paced research team are often under pressure to perform under rigorous ethical and institutional expectations and often with limited resources. This is true for patients and other community partners who join those teams. All will be managing the health needs of themselves and others on top of holding jobs, and advocating for the needs of others in their community. Finding a balance between work, advocacy, caregiving and self care means knowing how to set boundaries.

If you would like more information about boundary setting there are many sources that can be found on the internet. Here is a brief video that may get you started:

Consider the system

When making decisions in a fast paced ever changing environment, formerly effective strategies and skills may seem to be failing! A model has emerged for improved understanding for decision making when external conditions are not simple: Check out Cynefin. A welsh term originally meaning habitat, haunt, acquainted or familiar.