From the Pastor

Pastor's Corner

November 23, 2025

For the past few weeks, we have been talking about funeral liturgies and specifically about “words of remembrance” or “eulogies.”

In last week’s Pastor’s Corner, we looked at the purpose of a Catholic funeral rite, which is to remind us of our faith as we pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased. We also noted the difference between a “celebration of life,” a secular gathering focused solely on the earthly life and accomplishments of the deceased, and a Catholic funeral Mass, when we pray for the deceased, focused on God’s love and mercy and our faith which promises eternal life.

During the funeral Mass we pray for the deceased, but the Mass is not about the life of the deceased. However, more and more we plan funeral Masses with famiies who want to offer a reflection at the Mass.

The Order of Christian Funerals (#27) states, ”A brief homily is always given after the Gospel reading at the funeral liturgy or after the reading at the Vigil service, but there is never to be a eulogy.” This same directive is included in several Church documents, because the homily and the whole liturgy are to focus on God’s compassionate love and mercy and Jesus’ victory over sin and death.

The Mass is a prayer offered by the living for the deceased. It is less about what has been and more about God’s promise of what will be.

Eulogies or words of remembrance bring the focus to the deceased and not God or the faith. The reflections are most often testimonials about the person’s life and accomplishments, with stories about family get-togethers and connections—and sometimes, more often than you would think, inappropriate recollections of moments in the person’s life. None of these things raise a person’s heart and mind to God or faith.

The Mass itself is about hope and healing, while the “words of remembrance” lead to sadness about the “good times” that have passed.

As we’ve noted, because of the secular influence of “celebrations of life” over the past several years, we began to see requests at Catholic funerals for an option to offer “words of remembrance” at the funeral Mass. But what has resulted has gone a long way away from what the Church allows, and now, rather than being a option, people often feel pressured to have “words of remembrance” at funerals. Many people tell their priest that they do not want to do a eulogy, but “everyone does them.”

While trying to be sensitive to the needs of mourners, we cannot lose sight of what funeral liturgy is about. And, unfortunately, that is what happens. The culture declares that the funeral rite is about the life of the deceased, but the Church says, “No- it is about the resurrection of Jesus Christ and our prayers for the deceased.”

The Church cannot marry the culture; it needs to lead the culture.

As I have mentioned before, because of this, many parishes in our own diocese and throughout the country have banned words of remembrance at the funeral Mass. If a family desires to share some reflections about the deceased, it is suggested that they are done at the funeral home after the vigil, or at the cemetery, or at the luncheon that usually follows the funeral liturgies.

In recent weeks, our combined liturgy committee and combined pastoral council discussed this in depth because of specific occurrences at recent funerals. Although at this time we do not want to completely ban words of remembrance at funeral Masses, we do need to ensure that the purpose of the funeral liturgy remains clear.

To that end, we have developed some guidelines for those who wish to speak during funeral Masses at our parishes. On page 9 of this bulletin you can see the guidelines that we as a parish will provide to bereaved families as they plan the funeral liturgies. It includes some guiding questions to help those who will offer words of remembrance to prepare a faith -focused reflection.