2/1/2021 Managing Anger/Frustration

Hello Trailblazers,

Anger and frustration are universal feelings that we all grapple with in different scenarios. Although we usually just think of these as feelings, they also serve a functional purpose to help us become aware of something important happening to us. For example, frustration helps bring our brain to the attention of things that are or seem like violations to our wellness. Sometimes frustration can be understandable. However, especially during puberty and adolescents, anger can be over exaggerated and misplaced due to hormones. It is important to be able to manage our anger regardless if it comes from hormones or an understandable scenario. Although it serves as a function for survival, many of us have witness or experienced our frustration get out of hand and influence inappropriate behavior.

There are three general components that lead to anger. 1) the "angering event" 2) Ours thoughts and interpretation of said event 3) our behavior or reaction which in this case is anger/frustration. Being able to manage our anger means being able to focus on what we can control in the situation to lead to more positive outcomes. The component that tends to be most controllable is #2, our thought pattern after the event occurs. Let's use the following scenario, your guardian asks you to be home by 6 P.M. for dinner tonight. You are out hanging out with friends and accidentally miss your 6 P.M. deadline. When you get home, your guardian is upset and gives you the consequence of taking away your phone, tablet, or console for the night. You think "That's not fair, it was an accident and I was only 30 minutes late!" This thought leads to you anger and yelling back at your guardian.

Although it we all make mistakes like the scenario described, we cannot always control how our friends and family will react to those mistakes. By changing your thought response to the event, you can create a healthier response and outcome with your guardian. Instead of thinking "That's not fair!", try to consider other variable to the situation. "My guardian is upset with me because they were unaware of my location. I know they worry and care about me and maybe were scared not knowing of my safety. I know this does not seem fair, but if remain calm, maybe they will give me my device back sooner!" This type of thought pattern encourages a calm behavior/reaction that will decrease stress and anger. Try and think of some scenarios you could try this out with!

Here are some work sheets to help you change negative thoughts to help your behavior outcomes: