Ethnic Roots

What is Family?

This is a question I have struggled with my entire life. I once asked a five-year old what is family, and he said, “family is the people you live with that love you.” The dictionary defines family as “a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children. Considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not” (family 2017). As a child, I would have agreed with these definitions, but as an adult, I find myself endeavoring to discover where I come from.

My History:

I was born in Sealy, Texas on July 5^th, 1985 to parents Tammy and Robert Ring. My parents divorced not long after I was born. My father married someone new, and my mother married my father’s brother, Rodney. I stayed with my mother and her new husband. We moved to Massachusetts where my little brother was born in 1987. From there we moved to Germany where my little sister was born in 1990. That same year we moved back to the U.S. and settled in Colorado Springs, Colorado. We lived there for several years. My mother moved with my siblings and I to Detroit during my fourth grade, but we moved back before the start of my fifth-grade year. We moved away for good at the end of my fifth-grade year. At that time, my mother took my siblings and I to live in Fort Collins, Colorado and she divorced Rodney. A few years after the move my mother was having a difficult time supporting all of us, so she sent my younger siblings to live with their father. When I asked if I was going to have to go live somewhere else, my mother told me that my father did not want me. My mother married her next husband, Chris, and we lived together for a time. At the age of 14 I was put into the foster care system. I bounced around the system and lived in several towns and went to several different schools. At the age of 17, the state decided that I was old enough to take care of myself while living with my mother, so they sent me home. I lived with my mother and her husband for about 7 months, before they kicked me out. That was two months shy of my 18^th birthday, and I have made my own way ever since.

As a child, the only consistent family in my life was my mother. As an adult, my father has come back into my life. This was a slow process at first. A few hours here, a dinner there. Now, my father has moved to New Mexico to be closer to me. We are working on building the relationship that we did not have the chance to have when I was younger.

The Project:

For this project, I have decided that to know where I come from, I must understand who I come from. Having my father so close has given me the opportunity to get to know him better, and this project has given me the perfect excuse. I will accomplish this using interviews and reflection.

The Interview:

For this project, I will set up a time that my father and I can have a couple hours uninterrupted to talk. During that time, I will interview him. The interview will be recorded, so that I can use clips of the interview in my reflection. I will start with the following list of questions, but I will let the interview take its course.

1. Where, and when were you born?

2. You were born, then what happened?

3. Describe a typical day from your childhood?

4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? And why?

5. What was school like for you? Did you do well in school?

6. What was family life like? Did you spend time with extended family as a child?

7. What were your siblings like as children? Did you get along?

8. What did my grandparents do for a living?

9. Tell me about High School. Did you play an instrument? Did you play any sports?

10. Did you go to college? Why or why not? (Where, years attended, program of study)

11. Tell me about the careers you have had? Any interesting stories? Military?

12. You have travelled all over the country, where were / are some of your favorite places?

13. What are your happiest memories?

14. Do you have any regrets?

15. Is there anything else you would like me to know about you?

The Results:

What follows is a synapses of my interview. The links in parenthesis throughout the text are to audio files from the interview.

My dad was born in Connecticut on December 19^th, 1963, to parents Joyce Ward and Ralph Ring. His parents were not married at the time of his birth. He does not recall his father being around much when he was young, and when he was around, he drank heavily. At the time of his birth he lived with his mother’s parents. His family moved around a lot when he was young, living in Connecticut, Vermont, and New York. He does not recall spending time with extended family as a child, but does remember spending time with his half-siblings, who lived in Vermont.

Around the time he was in third grade, he moved with his family to Florida. This now included two younger brothers and a younger sister. His father, who was now married to his mother, was still not around much, and spent most of his time at work or out drinking. He remembers that one or both of his parents were drunk before noon, and fighting was a daily occurrence. My father describes this time in his life as growing up with a single mother. My grandmother was working at a fried chicken restaurant to support her children, and they ate fried chicken for seven months. Before going to work, she would drop off my father and his brothers at a river. She would tell him to take care of them (his brothers) and head to work. They would spend the day by the river, which in Florida was not the safest place for young boys to play. (Florida waters) Still, my father remembers this time in nature as a fun experience. He also remembers spending mass amounts of time in the bars as a child.

My father also remembers beginning school in Florida. This was in the early ‘70’s, when segregation was ending and children started to be bused to different schools. He recalls: (segregation). In middle school, he recalls being the only white person in the free lunch line. He still remembers feeling bad, and not understanding why he was the only white child without money.

Just before beginning high school, my father and his family move to Texas. He recalls that he really did not want to move to Texas. He had friends in Florida, and a girlfriend. Once they arrived in Texas, things between his parents worsened. He recalls them fighting all the time. And describes the house as living in a circus.

My father completes a couple more years of formal education before dropping out. He remembers having difficulty passing his English classes, but enjoyed math. He did not play any instruments in high school, but was interested in playing sports. He states: (baseball). He held a job between his 9^th and 10^th grade year. Then had a difficult time going back to school, because he could not work. He remembers working a 40-hour week and making about $100. He did not like school and felt like an outsider because he moved from Florida.

He recalls telling his mother about an experience he had at school one day. His mother told him to tell the guy at the school to kiss his @$$. So, the following day he goes to school and tells them what his mom told him to say. That was the last day of high school my father attended. He recalls telling his father that night and his father’s reaction: (grandpas lesson). He learned more construction from his father as time went on.

While in Texas my grandmother decided she wanted to better her life for her children. She felt that she could not depend on my grandfather to support them. She was an accomplished student while in high school and was valedictorian of her class when she graduated in 1955. (Her high school yearbook photo is included below.) She received a degree in nursing from Blinn College in 1980. She was 43 when she graduated at the top of her class. (Her college yearbook photos are also included below.) She was a nurse at the hospital, and the nursing home. She worked as a nurse until she retired around 1994.

My father knew early in his life that he wanted to be a truck driver. He fondly recalls listening to the semi-trucks come down the freeway at night. Some of his happiest memories came from learning to drive a truck. He was around 18 years old, and had already been married once. He was taught by a man named Norman Holmstead. He made his whole life about trucks. He recalls trucks being the first thing he thought about in the morning, and the last thing he thought about at night. He remembers falling asleep in the trucks some nights. He thinks that he was being selfish for wanting to do something that made him happy. He viewed truck driving as an escape from life. A chance to travel to new places that were not the life he had at home.

Now he has some regrets about his time driving truck. He recalls: (regrets).

What he regrets the most is missing out on my life. Now the adventures we share are even more meaningful. Like going hiking and sitting in a cave together, looking out over the landscape and enjoying each other’s company. We both have regrets about the time that we missed together, but I am so very grateful for the time that we have now.