Adam and Jonah’s First Case

0:00

A phone call between Adam and a client. Grayscale photos of Adam and Jonah are seen with their dialogue written above.

Text above the briefly reads, "Winter Break 2009."

[phone dialing]

The text now says. "...fifteen minutes before Volume 2."

Adam: You've reached the Bythorne Paranormal Society, how ma—

Jonah: Ha! Fuck!

Adam: Uh, Jonah.

Jonah: Get shit on!

[video game shooting noises]

Adam: Uh... Jonah.

Jonah: Aw, how's that taste?!

Adam: Hey, Jonah. Jonah, there's a call.

Jonah: Oh, get wrecked! Oh man!

Adam: Jonah! Hey, Jonah!

Jonah: Wh-what? I'm cranking some fat fucking dubs right now dude...

Adam: Earth to dumbass! We have a client on the phone!

Jonah: Oh shit.

Adam: Yeah.

Jonah: Fucking— fucking my b. Do yo thang babygirl.

Jonah's profile switches to show an blurry icon of someone with long hair, their face censored with a black circle and white question mark. When Jonah talks in the future, it will switch back to his profile temporarily.

Client: Um. Hello?

Adam: I'm so sorry for the wait. Just, uh, conferring with my partner... on business... things. [sigh] BPS, how can we help?

Client: Well, you see, I—

Jonah: Ask for cash this time.

Adam: Jonah!

Jonah: What? I'm not wrong. We can't do shit with this... Bitcoin. I-I had to use 500,000 of them to buy that pizza! Almost worthless.

Client: I'll pay you in whatever you want if you can help me. I can pay you in cash, okay?

Adam: Thank you ma'am. What can we help you with? A brief description of what you've been experiencing would help us help you.

Client: It's... It's my cat. He's been... speaking to me.

Adam: Sorry for the interruption, but did you just say speaking to you, ma'am?

Jonah (whispering): I should've— I should have gone to law school.

Adam: Jonah!

Jonah: Aw man. I fucked up.

Adam: Hey, cut it out, dipshit!

Client: Yes, talking to me! He's been saying really scary shit all the time.

Jonah: I've wasted so much fucking time.

Adam: Jonah, for the love of God! Can you shut the hell up?!

[meow]

Client: Here he is now! Um... lemme—lemme put him on the phone for you.

Adam: Ma'am, that's not—

[lighting]

The profile of the client now shows a grayscale edited version of the "you should kill yourself... now!" meme, featuring a man with lighting around him. He now has cat ears, nose, and whiskers.

Cat (deep and echoing): Worthless specimen! You should kill yourself, meow. [dramatic music] [meow]

Client: So, do you think you can help? ...Hello?

[phone put down]

Adam's profile disappears.

Client: Hello? [sigh] Son of a bitch. We'll find somebody else to help Lo-Tier Cat.

2:01

["Honeycomb Highway" by SEGA & Tomoya Ohtani plays, it is from "Sonic Lost World."]

It cuts to the end slides, which features white text on a black screen. It reads, "This has been a parody of The Mandela Catalogue Vol. 2. // Created by Alex Kister. // Reprising their roles: // Tyler Osborne as Adam Murray. // Gabriel Linan as Jonah Marshall. // Introducing: MothballsVA as Concerned Caller. // Lo-Tier Cat voiced by Voiceover Requiem. // Please support the official release!"

Then, it cuts to a close up of Adam's face with the caption, "@tydoesvoices."

Adam: Outtake. Well, Jonah, I guess you could say we've been through some real stranger things.

Text on top says, "Netflix Do Not Sue ⁉️[exclamation point question mark]."

Now seen is a close up of Jonah's face with the caption, "Alternate video game take," and "@silverslippedVA."

Jonah: Oh my God, are you kidding me?!

The caption now says, "Heh get it."

Jonah: What's the point of being the fucking point guard if you're not pointing or guarding!

Now it says, "Alternate."

Jonah: Oh my God, fucking imbecile. I swear to Lebron..

Over the top, it says, "Lebron Do Not Sue ⁉️[exclamation point question mark]."

Jonah: What, oh my God, I'm in fucking ranked right now. Dude, God, I can't lose lp from this dude.

Adam's face is now shown.

Adam: Woah, I suddenly feel empowered to make internet memes.

The caption reads, "Same."

Adam: What the hell was that phone call? I certainly have, like, this deep resonated need to make internet memes.

The caption says, "Thanks for watching!'