Facing Weakness and Self Doubt in Ministry

Take a moment: What were your dreams for ministry before you started?

When we prepare for ministry, we often have a certain image of what it will look like. We hope to be fruitful, faithful, helpful, and make a difference, to be a blessing and a light to others. We go in with the best of intentions only to find that – ministry is difficult. And those difficulties quickly bring us face-to-face with our weakness and self-doubt. The situations we face are more complex and far more tumultuous than we were ever prepared for. Our responsibilities seem beyond our competency and resources. We confront our weaknesses, limitations, and lack of wisdom and face the reality that circumstances arise that expose we do not have all the answers. Our decisions leave us feeling unsure – or perhaps we make a decision that is not received well by others. We face tasks that expose our insecurities and shortcomings; temptations and struggles reveal we don’t have it all together. There will be problems we will not know how to fix and expectations we may not be able to meet. We do not have it all figured out. We do not have all the answers. We feel anxious more than we feel confident.

Did many of these things come to mind when thinking about your dreams for ministry?

Not only can ministry responsibilities be difficult, but how we feel about ourselves can be difficult too. Our inner self-reflections add trouble to our trouble. What do we do with these hard feelings? Some of us berate ourselves and despair in our weakness, we say to ourselves, “if only I could be more this – or less that.” We may anxiously strive to measure up and do better. Or we may become more withdrawn or even be tempted to quit. We may be tempted to compare ourselves to others and be confronted with a sense of inferiority and envy. Or we may choose to act as if we are better than we are, emphasising our success and minimising our failures. There are a variety of ways we are tempted to respond. 

Does any of this describe your journey? If so, I’m sorry. You are not alone. My prayer for this article is to offer a different path forward for those who are struggling in ministry. This path does not require us to deny our weakness, creatureliness, and genuine limitations before God and others. On the contrary, it enables us to live and minister faithfully, honestly, and fruitfully amid weakness. It does not mean we will always have the right answers, but it points us to the One who does – the One who promises to help in the very places that feel challenging. It is a path that does not erase our dependence and neediness but redirects us again and again to the One who is dependable. It changes the trajectory of what we do with our weakness and self-doubt. To discover this path, I want us to wrestle with three important questions.

Three Reorienting Questions

Here are three questions that Scripture invites us to wrestle with as we struggle in ministry. They help expose where our beliefs and thoughts often mislead us, and where thinking rightly can lead to encouraging reorientation and comfort.

Question 1: What is God’s heart toward you in your weakness and self-doubt?

When you think of specific places you feel insecure, it is worth reflecting on how you imagine God’s reaction. For those who struggle with a sense of incompetency in ministry, the default mental image of God can be some be someone who is chronically disappointed, shaking His head, and saying in exasperation: “Why can’t you get it together?” Or our image of God is a God who is far away or preoccupied with blessing other people and their ministries. He may be present but hands-off – far too content to watch us struggle from the side-lines, waiting for us to figure it out on our own. A Christian counsellor once put it this way: “it feels like I keep falling off my bike and scraping my knees, and He’s there and He sees what is happening, but He never comes to my help. He’s there but I feel like I’m on my own.” Does this image resonate with you?

When we imagine His heart and posture towards us, we often believe God sees our weakness as a mistake or malfunction. It seems to disqualify us and prevent us from being all that God wants us to be. It holds us back from accomplishing what He wants to accomplish through us. We are getting in the way of His good work. Our neediness is a hinderance and a liability – something to manage, fix, improve, and do away with. If we struggle with weakness and believe God is most interested in the strong, capable, and sufficient, then it seems there is no place for us. Yet, our Lord invites us to listen humbly and to live by His Word. As we dig into Scripture, we face verses like these:

-       “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). We often imagine that God feels disappointed and exasperated by our weaknesses, but rather His response is understanding and Fatherly compassion.

-       We hear Christ’s words during His earthly ministry: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). When we face our poverty of spirit, we may feel the opposite – that we are cursed by God. We rarely feel blessed, so this verse can often surprise us.

-       We hear the apostle Paul explain God’s criteria for choosing people to His work: “For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God… as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:26-31) People who would have felt disqualified from God’s blessing and calling were often ones He chose to accomplish His work. Paul makes clear that the ways of God are countercultural and often surprising.

What is God’s heart and posture toward you in your weakness? He chooses you. He blessed you. He feels compassion for you. You are known and seen – flaws, weaknesses, shortcomings, and all. Your God, in Christ, moves toward you in your sin and weakness, not away from you. He wants to help and come alongside you; He will never give up on you.

When we realise the Father’s heart of kindness and compassion toward us, we are better able to honestly reckon with our weaknesses. We can speak more easily to God and others about our insecurities and failures. We are finite. We are not the Christ. We will come up short (Rom. 3:23). There may be tendencies toward sin that we will struggle with for the rest of our lives. There may be days we will be immersed in life, health, personal, or interpersonal circumstances that impact and limit us. There will be days we lack the resources within ourselves to navigate our lives, ministries, and relationships. He does not expect us to graduate from dependence or neediness when we enter ministry. Ministry is not a call to be a superhero. Instead, God calls all of His people to childlike faith and calls the weary and heavy laden to “come to me” (Matthew 11:28).

Maybe it’s the infant love of a newly married couple in ministry; a new-born baby; working every hour under the sun (and moon) to try and prove your hire worth; working out who your friends are, and which street is which, let alone how to work the new kitchen appliances. Maybe it’s the single person freshly graduating Bible college, super excited to get stuck in and exhausts themselves in the first three months. Why do we pressure young lives in ministry to produce results in this way? It never works. Why do they feel they must become something other than a normal human being with an infant faith? Why do we imply that the young couple in ministry must become people other than those enjoying their sacred love for one another learning their first call in the world?

Whether it’s marriage, family life, relocation, or new ministries, many of us face circumstances that make us confront our humanity. We expect ourselves to keep pushing forward in ways that disregard who we are and our current season of life. We disregard our health, limitations, life transitions, and personal hardships and serve beyond our natural capacity – all in an attempt to accomplish ‘good thing’ in the name of Jesus. We forget that we may still be new to our responsibilities and that it is legitimate to need time to learn and grow. Perhaps the expectations we have for ourselves, or that we assume God has of us, are not necessarily His expectations for us at all. 

Scripture compels us to rethink these expectations, to consider we have a God who knows our frame and who knows that we are human beings who need sleep, rest, relationships, and inward renewal – things that God Himself simply does not need. Even when we are tempted to be impatient with ourselves and others are impatient with us, He directs His compassion toward us as a perfect Father does to a child in ways that baffle and humble us daily. By the grace of Christ, we are granted a safe space in Him to grow, to be ‘in process’, and to be human above all.

Question 2: What makes your life count? What makes you worthy and ‘enough’ in ministry?

Our culture and society try to answer these questions in a variety of ways, but success is at the heart of all of them. Many of these answers have also crept into Christian culture. We are told we can find success in metrics like our accomplishments, popularity, church size, fame, money, or even visible ministry fruit. We try to measure up and compare to what people around us are doing. We may be tempted to envy and determine our worth based on what other people think of us.

What makes your life count? How do you assess your worth? Last year I was preparing to host and lead our first youth ministry event with parents. I was feeling anxious and unprepared for the uncertainties. My mind generated various worst-case scenarios. What if I fell short of parent’s expectations? What if young people thought it was pointless and no one turned up? What if I came across as a fraud? What if I disappointed them, and they all left feeling like it was unhelpful, and we wasted their time? As I prepared to leave the house and head to church, I hugged my wife goodbye and our dog clearly wanted to get in on the cuddle! He looked at me with his irresistible face and eyes that said, “can we continue this when you come back?” This was a simple moment – one that you may think I’ve read too much into. But in all seriousness, our dog had no idea about our ministry event – in fact he never does! He did not care if I impressed every parent there ever was or humiliated myself in front of every young person there ever was. He only cared that I came back to cuddle and play with him. His love for me would remain unchanged. And the moment I walked through the door post ministry success or failure… peace, craziness and joy restored! 

Sometimes this is what we need to be reminded of before God. In God’s case, He did care about our event. Yet at the same time, His love is not dependent on my success or failure. We need to be reminded that regardless of ministry success or failure – in a therapy session, a sermon, a meeting – He will still love us. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more or less than He already does. He is the One who chose us before the foundation of the world, before we could succeed or fail at anything (Ephesians 1:4). The apostle Paul prays that we would know “how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” for us (Ephesians 3:18). Indeed, there is nothing – no weakness, no ministry failure – that will separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39).

Ultimately, as we mine Scripture, we are invited to know that even if our efforts come up short, we still matter to the One whose opinion matters most. Each of us can know that whether our endeavours today seem like a success or a failure, we will still be loved. We can know that when we sleep tonight, and Lord willing wake up tomorrow, we will still be pursued and loved by Him. We will still matter in His gracious, merciful care.

There is one more aspect to this question: what makes your ministry worthy or enough? Whatever metrics you use to measure your success, Christ, in His mercy, will likely confront you about them at some point. This is not because the criteria are all wrong, but because they are not what ultimately matters to Him. Christ does not call us to throw away our ambitions, but He wants us to be ambitious about the right things. Consider these two examples:

-       Christ says: “but whoever would be great among you must be your servant… for even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28). In Christ’s kingdom, true greatness is not measured by prestige, reputation, and popularity before others. What truly matters and makes our lives count is when we serve others.

-       The apostle Paul shares this with the Corinthians: “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing (1 Cor 13:1-3). Paul tells them they can do seemingly great things and have seemingly great and esteemed gifts, but if they do not love, they are nothing and gain nothing. While we ourselves may be tempted to chase after great gifts, it is sincere love that truly matters in God’s kingdom.

These realities are seen in Jesus’ own ministry. His ministry did not measure up to the people’s metrics of success. He was grievously betrayed and abandoned even by His own disciples. The people were perplexed by His death as He failed to fulfil their expectations that the Messiah would overthrow the Roman government. He was mocked and scorned, chosen by the Jewish crowd to be crucified instead of a notorious rebel and prisoner. His crucifixion was a visible display to the people of shame and weakness, not a display of honour, strength, and victory. Taken together, His experience was the opposite of the approval, popularity, and version of success that we often aspire to.

When we look to Jesus and His earthly ministry, we see the many ways it failed to conform to what we often believe makes our lives and ministries worthwhile. Therefore, when it comes to what makes our lives and ministries count in God’s sight, we can aspire to follow in Jesus’ visible earthly success but rather commit to a life and ministry of humble servanthood and sincere love. This is what truly counts.

To add a final note to this discussion, I would like to share a message I once received from a friend and mentor. I shared my nervousness over a speaking event with him. I come back to his response often to reorient myself. He wrote:

It makes sense that you feel nerves before speaking. At the same time, I’ve found three things that make a huge difference. First, love the men and women with whom you speak. When I care about them, I’m not thinking about myself. Love is freeing. Second, be faithful to what is true in God’s Word. When the message is His, I’m not thinking about myself. Faith is freeing. Third, personally need the very gospel truths you share with your beloved brothers and sisters, because they also need what you need. Humility is freeing. In other words, when we live Ephesians 4:15, we are simply there to serve words of life to our brothers and sisters, not to be scrutinised by them about our opinions/skills/knowledge/wittiness/eloquence etc. Faith, love, and humility are freedom. I’m praying for you, and look forward to hearing how it goes.

Blessings,

Andy

Faith, love, and humility are freedom. This is what really matters. In weakness and self-doubt, we are not sure we can deliver the most memorable sermon. We are not sure if our next article will be helpful. We are not sure we give our flock everything they need to hear to live with renewed strength, conviction, and hope. We are not sure we will have all the right answers or that we will measure up to other people’s expectations for us. And this is exactly why Andy’s response blessed me so much. It changed the inner monologue in my head to say:

“There are many things I am not sure of. I am not sure if I will succeed in any worldly sense. I am not sure if people will be impressed by me or turned off. I am not sure if they will feel helped by my ministry or feel like I wasted their time. There are many things I may not be able to successfully accomplish through my talk. But can I seek to genuinely love the people I serve? Can I aspire to stay faithful and true to God’s Word in what I say and do? Can I need for myself the very truths of the gospel I share?"

The pressure to please, win over, impress, and measure up to people’s expectations gave way to the conviction to be loving, faithful, and humble. These are very different metrics than the ones we often live by. They are metrics that matter to our God and reflect the ministry of Christ. These metrics give us renewed vision, humility, and courage. They give us sanity to engage in the work before us – even, and especially, as weak, imperfect finite creatures.

Ask yourself then: What makes my life count? What makes my ministry worthy and enough? How does that conform to Jesus’ own ministry and the metrics that Scripture calls me to evaluate?

Question 3: Where will you go when you come up short? To whom will you turn?

We often grow discouraged in our weakness because of a subtle, at times unnoticed, assumption that we must rely on ourselves – that ‘life is up to me’. In one sense, our actions do have consequences. Hard, faithful work matters. Diligence matters and sloth is sinful. Yet sometimes we assume that everything falls on our shoulders. If we don’t do it, who will? If we don’t get it together, won’t it all fall apart? We feel anxious, alone, and pressured and are prone to look inward at our own resources and capacity. This often leads to one of two outcomes. First, we may feel we need to muster up the resources within ourselves and be tempted to overwork and overcommit. Or we look inward and find little or no resources within ourselves and retreat in despair. Both options can leave us feeling depleted and do not lead to the flourishing we long for. This third question helps us discover another way when we ask ourselves: Who ultimately makes your life okay? Where is hope found for the well-being of yourself, your loved ones, and the people you minister to?

When we live in a world where it is all up to us, God is functionally erased from our reality. We forget that we are beloved sons and daughters. There is a notable gap between what we know to be true and how we live and do ministry. We develop an orphan mentality and lose sight of what we have in Christ:

-       A loving Father who knows what we need before we ask, who gives good gifts to His children (Matt. 6:32; 7:11; James 1:17)

-       A Shepherd who walks with us, even through the valley of the shadow of death (Ps. 23:4)

-       A High Priest who experienced our difficulties so He could sympathise with our weaknesses (Heb. 4:15)

-       A Provider who feeds the birds of the air and clothes the lilies of the field with extravagance (Matt. 6:25-30)

-       A personal Saviour who knows when sparrows fall and the number of hairs on your head, who knows you and knows what you face so personally and so intimately (Matt. 10:29-31)

-       A God who is gentle and lowly in heart and character, even when we get it wrong time and time again (Matt. 11:29)

When we remember who our Lord and Saviour is, we find hope and comfort amid our weakness and self-doubt. For many of us, this is a lifelong journey. 

Sometimes, in His mercy, God lets us go through seasons where we seem to reach the end of ourselves. After earnest attempts, trying all possible options, and doing our best – there are times we still come up short. This is a scary place to be if we functionally live as though we can only rely on ourselves… But reaching the end of ourselves can be become an important beginning. It can become the beginning of no longer placing our hope and trust in ourselves, but rather placing the hope and trust for our well-being and our ministry’s well-being in Christ, where it always belonged. We find sanity when we realise we cannot save or fix ourselves and all our difficult circumstances. We find comfort when we remember that hope for our flock, our children, and families will not ultimately be secured by our efforts or abilities at all.

Reaching the end of ourselves becomes a starting point where we can hear Christ’s kind and gracious invitation once again – “come to me”. We receive that invitation as we acknowledge we cannot do life and ministry apart from His grace. As we admit our neediness and receive Christ’s invitation, we can taste and see the depths of the goodness and love of Christ in ways we would have never known if we were competent and strong on our own. In the rubble of discouragement and failure, our Saviour has a way of bringing about redemption that somehow turns out to be better than what we could have imagined. The assumption that “it’s all up to me” gives way to a sanity that echoes the apostle Paul when he says, “let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord” (1 Cor. 1:31).

We Are Needy and Needed

As we wrestle through these three questions, we arrive at a summary conclusion which I am very much still grasping myself. Ed Welch surmises it as follows: we are called to walk as people who are both needy and needed. As people in ministry, we can often be more comfortable and familiar with being needed, but it is the purpose of this article to invite each of us to acknowledge that we are needy as well. Neediness is not malfunction; it is God’s design for the people He has called to accomplish His purposes.

When we live honestly out of our neediness and realise we don’t have to pretend, we navigate the pressures of ministry differently.

-       We are quicker to turn to prayer. We will prioritise it with renewed desperation and earnestness. We will be intentional about speaking to the Lord about our honest burdens, fears, and shortcomings. We find ourselves more often confessing sin. We may hear ourselves more frequently cry out, “Jesus, help!”

-       We identify one or two people we can honestly share our insecurities and burdens with and ask them to pray for us. Even when it is difficult to find safe people – and for pastors it often is – we may find ourselves prayerfully considering creative ways to seek out people and communities where we have permission to be finite beings, not superheroes. 

-       We pursue conversations with other people more often as we recognise the limitations of our own perspectives. With diligence, we ask for help with difficult and complex situations. 

All the while we are still needed. God has given each of us unique gifts to steward. He has placed certain people in your life that you have the opportunity to serve. Your particular life experiences give you unique perspectives that others can be sharpened by. Even your weaknesses and failures can become an invitation to greater honesty and transparency, in which you model to others what godly, sane neediness can look like. To be needed means that even in the midst of shortcomings and discouragement, you simply do the next thing – simple obedience, simple faithfulness. Some of those tasks may be unseen, overlooked, and underappreciated by others. Be encouraged by Matthew 6:6. Yet we remember that we seek to please the Lord, who often has a different agenda for our lives than the success and competence we often imagine and even fantasise about – the type of success and competence we can be convinced would be maximally useful to God’s work and purposes.

When we give ourselves wholeheartedly to the upside-down kingdom of Christ, we recognise that success and a blessed life are ultimately found in servanthood and ordinary love. With that, we seek to do our best in ministry with what resources we have regardless of visible results. We pray for grace to know His heart, to know what matters to Him, and to know His help for us in our weakness. We walk and serve by faith, in reliance on Christ and others – needed and needy – by design. And we await the day we will finally see Him face-to-face and hear His words to us, “well done, good and faithful servant.” We will know then that our feeble efforts were not in vain (1 Cor. 15:58). It will be His eyes of approval, His praise, and His commendation that will matter most of all. 

May our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, encourage and comfort us in the very ways we need today. May He grant us strength to walk forward in our callings for His glory, even amidst weakness and self-doubt.