Falling

Hope is all I have. 

In this situation I have no control.

It is scary to think that all I can do is aspire for things to work out. It is scary to relinquish authority over what can so easily hurt me. To open my guard when my mind is still in fear that friend will become foe.

And yet my heart begs me to do so. She pleads for me to make myself vulnerable for she is falling for him. My mind has tried to combat her but so stubborn are her feelings for him that she forgets that by opening up she leaves me defenseless. So determined is she to embrace him that she overlooks that she is tethered to the mind, neglects that all the mind want to do is protect her. So thus, I can only hope that my now armor-less heart does not get pierced.

Why do I miss him so much?

I hate admitting how much it hurts me to not have his attention, to not have his hand to hold or his eyes to look into.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I cant control my desire for him.

I have become addicted.

I hate my heart, for it is she who causes this self-inflicted pain. It is she who years so deeply for him, who in his absence can not think of anything else. So infatuated, so absorbed, so obsessed that she infects the brain with enough heartache to forgets its own owner. Poisoning it to such a degree that I become but a mere prisoner, incarcerated by my hearts overwhelming emotions. Tortured by the uncontrollable, unmanageable longing that now festers in my mind. 

Is this what it feels like to fall in love?

I hope he feels the same way.

I hope he doesn't break my heart.