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By Finley Baker
Last Updated June 3, 2025
Image Description [Vignette style illustration with green, purple, and blue color palette. The frame of the vignette features lips, a speech bubble with a heart, and swirls repeated in each corner with the text "Finley Baker 2025" at the bottom. Within the vignette, three half-dressed figures are cuddling in bed with light blue sheets and multi-colored pillows, illustrated with a top down view. The first figure is sleeping with her arms wrapped around the second figure. She is a thin indigenous Latina trans woman with long braids, green facial piercings, a polyamory symbol tattoo, and a pink gaff. She is missing most of the fingers on her right hand. Her legs are entangled with the third figure under a purple blanket. The second figure has a lighter skin tone, and is a pregnant Hispanic trans man. He has medium length wavy dark brown hair, a beard, visible body hair, stretch marks, a pink continuous glucose monitor on his arm and a seahorse tattoo on his thigh. He is wearing a blue sports bra and no underwear. His hand is resting gently on his belly and his eyes are closed. The third figure is a white non-binary trans femme mid-sized person with short pink hair and eyebrows, multiple colorful facial piercings, belly rolls, a teal and green cropped tank top and thong set, and a teal and green knee brace on her knee stretched out over the purple blanket. Her fingers and toes are painted multiple different colors. There are aged self-harm scars on their inner arms. They are reading from a purple book to the other two people. There is a long-handled reacher and a black and silver hand-based prosthetic resting on the bed.]
Image Description [Infographic with a header and a large word cloud. Header text is in a purple textbook. Heading text reads "Non-PIV Intimacy" with the subtitle "There are many ways to be intimate that do not involve penis-in-vagina penetration." There is a QR code with a link to this webpage and the caption "Scan for more." Within a light purple background, there is a large bright green speech bubble with the text "What's your favorite way of feeling close or intimate with someone that's not penetrative sex?" Beneath the speech bubble is a word cloud with blue, pink, green, and purple text. The largest text says "Reading to each other, grocery shopping, and making out" Some of the smaller text reads "combing out hair, impact play, and hugging." At the bottom of the infographic is the text "Customer responses from 1 day at Wink Wink."]
Non-PIV Intimacy
Non-PIV Intimacy
There are many reasons why people may not be able to or want to engage in penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetrative sex, some of which are listed below. There is the existing myth that the only way to express intimacy is by having penetrative sex, when we know that is not true. There are many other ways to be close or intimate with a partner. The customers of Wink Wink (the all-ages, "not creepy," woman-owned sex shop in Bellingham, WA where this project was created) were polled on one Saturday in March 2025. Everyone was given the option not to respond, but every customer who was asked chose to participate. Two people who responded self-identified as asexual, and noted that it was an interesting question and that they (personally) enjoyed intimacy on several levels that did not involve sex. "Making out" was the most common response (5 people), with everything from "Chinese buffet" to "needle play" represented. Several people continued to discuss as they left the shop, and bringing up this topic generated meaningful discussion, in this author's opinion.
Non-Exhaustive List of Reasons Penetrative Sex May Not be Accessible or Preferred
Pelvic floor dysfunction or pain (ex. Pudendal neuralgia, vaginismus, endometriosis, if you have had trans femme bottom surgery and have not yet dilated, pain in the genitourinary region post radiation for cancer)
Physically uncomfortable (Ex. Chronic fatigue/low energy, chronic pain flare-up, eaten a large meal, on your period - period sex is totally fine if you are up for it!)
Bottom dysphoria (not all trans people experience this)
Delicate vaginal or anal skin (ex. EDS, natural thinning of vaginal walls post-menopause, IBS, hemorrhoids)
Erectile dysfunction (brought on by prostate cancer, estrogen-based hormone replacement therapy, low testosterone in cis men, anxiety, diabetes, other circulatory issues, etc.)
Asexual folks (some people may still engage in sex, others are sex-repulsed, it's a spectrum!)
Sexual or emotional trauma associated with penetration
Simply not liking it (ex. does not want to be a bottom, consent not given)
Do not have the appropriate positioning aids or a comfortable environment to make the experience good for you and your partner(s)
Religious, spiritual, or cultural beliefs
No access to birth control, barriers, or proper hygiene
Not advised by a medical provider (Ex. recovering from surgery with specific precautions that do not allow for penetrative positions, just given birth)
Partner's genital size is incompatible with your genital size
Have an active STI or are waiting for test results
Non-Penetrative Sex Intimacy Ideas
Responses from Wink Wink customers, with a few additions
Cooking together, grocery shopping, Chinese buffet, Hand feeding each other
Making out, a really long kiss
Reading to each other, puzzles, playing video games
Cuddling, hugging, snuggling, petting, holding hands
Touching foreheads, face to face eye contact, having my eyes closed
Skin on skin contact, laying on top of my partner
Talking through the wee hours of the night not realizing the sun has come up, talking about dreams, lying on the floor & talking, pillow talk
Having the same weird thought at the same time
Laughing together
Listening to each other's sexual noises, watching porn together
Singing together spontaneously, listening to music
Taking a bath, showering together
Detangling hair in the shower, taking down braids, combing out hair, head on someone's lap & running hands through their hair
Neck massage for migraine
Inside jokes
Parallel play
Dinner in a dark restaurant
Any form of BDSM or Kink (Needleplay, impact play, temperature play, etc.)
Picking out outfits
Creative projects, choosing home decor, making objectively terrible art
Sharing special interests
Cunnilingus, vibrator with a partner, stimulating the perineum, grinding
Mutual masturbation
Watching (ethical) porn together
Massage
Supporting each other's gender exploration (trying on gender affirming items together)
Resources & References
Resources & References
Sex-Interrupted Igniting Intimacy While Living With Illness or Disability by Iris Zink and Jenny Palter (2020)
Short book, dispels myths about disability, helpful for folks and their partners who are newly disabled navigate the transition. Not many references to trans-specific content.
LGBT Sex Positions - Diagrams of sex positions that can be used by two people with vulvas and two people with penises. Created by Erin Kingham (she/her), a PT student, in 2021 to address how different positions can be impacted by orthopedic considerations.
7 Ways to Get Sexy - Without Penetration - The Pelvic People
The Reasons You Should Be Scheduling Sex - Salty, Jamie J. LeClaire
Guide to Ethical Porn - Hump Film Festival - Great guide to how to consume ethical porn, with specific sites recommended
Related Topics
Related Topics
Suggested APA 7 Citation
Suggested APA 7 Citation
Baker, F. (2025, June 3). Non-PIV intimacy. Disabled & trans sexual health. https://sites.google.com/view/disabled-trans-sexual-health/sex-ed-postcards/non-piv-intimacy
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