BDSM & Chronic Pain

By Finley Baker

Last Updated March 19, 2025

BDSM & Chronic Pain

In sex ed books, BDSM is classically a topic with the note to "find a local community" to teach you, since there is a wide variety of what "BDSM" even means for individual people. I would point you towards the resources below for more specific information. Some people see being a kinkster as part of their identity, and some see kink activities as just another hobby. Either way, BDSM and kink (as a larger umbrella term) are activities that come with social stigma, for better or for worse.

• B: Bondage - Any sort of restraint, with handcuffs, bondage tape, and rope being more common. Shibari is a specific type of rope bondage with Japanese origins that involves a "rope top" or "rigger" that does the tying and a "rope bottom" or "model" that is the one who is tied. Self-tying is another good option to get started and to see if you even like the sensation of rope, especially if access to a shibari community is not possible. Especially as people with disabilities, it is essential to learn how to avoid nerve impingements when choosing where to place your rope ties. As Mx. Sly wrote in their book Transland, “Because of the complexity and danger involved in practices like rope bondage, there is a level of tying at which rope is the intersection of lust, fine art skills, fine motor skills, and anatomical understanding.” 

• D: Discipline - Behavior modification, often "funishment" that involves a Dominant punishing a submissive in a consensual, pre-determined way for pleasure. Differs from non-consensual punishment, that is not fun for anyone and should be considered abusive. 

• D/s: Dominance/Submission - Both parties have equal right to consent and control of the scene, but the dominant is usually the one doing the kinky action and the submissive is the one receiving the kinky action. Some people have full-time D/s relationships, but it is much more common to use this language to communicate who will be doing what in the scene. It is important to recognized that the person with a disability in the dynamic is not automatically the submissive. 

• S&M: Sadism & Masochism - Sadism refers to enjoying inflicting pain, masochism refers to enjoying receiving pain. When discussing BDSM & chronic pain, people are most often referring to masochism specifically. 

BDSM is not therapy, but it can be therapeutic to process past traumas, explore sensation, and to feel empowered by choice and explicit conversations of consent. For those with chronic pain, the opportunity to take control over their pain can be rewarding. There have been reports that the endorphins associated with some forms of kinky pain play have helped to relieve chronic pain by giving the body a new way to process the feeling of pain. As Emma Madden (2019) describes, “The BDSM scene has the potential to provide those living with chronic pain with what their friends, partners, doctors often cannot. A space to conceptualize pain, to explore it, to find words for it, and to control it. It’s a necessary outlet in which pain—and the people living with it—isn’t immediately bypassed, but embraced.”

• Pain can be described as "thuddy" or "stingy." Thuddy pain is a deeper, broader sensation that can be achieved with paddles, floggers, baseball bats, hands and more. Stingy pain is a sharper, more sudden pain that can be achieved with canes, whips, crops, and more. Read more here 

• Physical pain in non-kinky sex can be your body telling you that something is wrong. For example, tingling or burning with use of lube could indicate an allergy or poor ingredients. Pain with penetration can be discussed with a healthcare provider, with your primary care provider who can refer you to a pelvic health therapist (occupational therapists or physical therapists can specialize). New or sudden pelvic pain that is not part of your existing chronic pain condition should not be ignored. 

To get started in the BDSM world, it is important to keep mental, emotional, and physical safety in mind. Supportive communities for trans and disabled folks exist, though all in-person meetings may not be automatically accessible or informed. 

• Find a munch or slosh event to attend. "Munches" are casual public meet-ups that do not involve alcohol, often at a coffee shop or park. "Sloshes" are public meet-ups that involve alcohol, so may be at a local bar. Typically attendees wear street clothes, and just talk about kink when they meet up. Both of these types of events are not typically places to meet people just for sex, which would be more likely at a sex club, sex dungeon, or specific fetish event. 

• Vetting: This is the process of asking trusted friends, or other people in the kink scene that you already know, what they know about a new play partner before meeting them. Essentially a "vibe check" before having sex or engaging in kink with someone. 

• Create a FetLife account - social media for kinky people. There are often nude pictures shared and it is essential to keep your wits about you to avoid predators. Do not agree to meet with anyone who you do not know. However, this can be a good place to discuss kink and to find local kink events. 

Resources & Further Reading

Emma Sheppard's Content

Chronic Pain, BDSM and Crip Time by Emma Sheppard 

Textbook style, also discusses the idea of "crip time"

Sheppard, E. (2019). Chronic pain as fluid, BDSM as control. Disability Studies Quarterly, 39(2). https://doi.org/10.18061/dsq.v39i2.6353 

If you do not want to buy the full textbook (Chronic Pain, BDSM and Crip Time), this is Emma Sheppard's dissertation, available for free. It features the same interviews as in the full textbook. 

Ruby, P. (August 12). “Why would someone who lives with chronic pain want more pain?” BDSM as a powerful toolkit to communicate and play with messy pain. Keppel Health Review. https://www.keppelhealthreview.com/communication/bdsm-and-chronic-pain 

Interview with Emma Sheppard, and good discussion of the topic overall

Websites

KinkCraft. (n.d.). What can you expect at a munch? https://kinkcraft.co/2017/07/21/can-expect-munch.html 

Madden, E. (2019, September 25). Why chronic pain sufferers are turning to BDSM. GQ. https://www.gq.com/story/chronic-pain-bdsm 

The Sex Ed. (n.d.). BDSM 101. https://www.thesexed.com/guides/bdsm101

Sloan, K. (2019, April 29). 5 useful insights on chronic pain and BDSM. Girly Juice. https://girlyjuice.net/5-useful-insights-on-chronic-pain-and-bdsm/ 

Journal Articles

Bauer, R. (2008). Transgressive and transformative gendered sexual practices and white privileges: The case of the dyke/trans BDSM communities. WSQ: Women’s Studies Quarterly, 36(3–4), 233–253. https://doi.org/10.1353/wsq.0.0100 

Jobson, R. (2024). Giving in: Chronic pain, BDSM, and crip/queer utopia. Feral Feminisms. 14(1).  https://doi.org/10.22215/etd/2020-14056 (Read here)

Webster, C., & Klaserner, M. (2019). Fifty shades of socializing: Slosh and munch events in the BDSM community. Event Management, 23(1), 135–147. https://doi.org/10.3727/152599518x15378845225401 (Read here)

Media

Shibari Study - Website of shibari video tutorials, many body sizes and shapes, instructors are typically respectful of gender

@feelfulalmond on Instagram - Queer shibari artist with chronic pain, inspiration for illustration

Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist (1997) - Read the content warnings before watching!

"Documentary about writer and performance artist Bob Flanagan who died at 43 of cystic fibrosis. His life was indicated by pain from the beginning and he started to develop sadomasochistic practices, which he developed finally into performances" (IMDb)

Related Topics

Suggested APA 7 Citation

Baker, F. (2025, March 19). BDSM & chronic pain. Disabled & trans sexual health. https://sites.google.com/view/disabled-trans-sexual-health/sex-ed-postcards/bdsm-chronic-pain