Kink & Neurodiversity

By Finley Baker

Last Updated June 9, 2025

Image Description [Vignette style illustration with red, purple, and black palette. The frame of the vignette features an infinity symbol and an abstract detail on each corner, with the text "Finley Baker 2025" at the bottom. Within the vignette, two nude figures are relaxing in a bedroom, not making eye contact. There is a mixed race Asian and Hispanic trans masculine person with a black curly mullet and glasses lying on a purple bed, propped up by pillows. He is gently gazing at a grey and purple pup mask. They are wearing a purple collar and a small leather vest. He has phalloplasty scars on his forearm and top surgery scars on his chest. He has a lidocaine pain patch on his outstretched knee. The second person is relaxing on the floor, and she is a fat, Black trans femme woman with a short afro, purple eyeshadow, shiny black lipstick, and long purple nails. She is wearing a bright red harness with chain details across her chest, a red thigh harness, and purple nipple clamps. There are multiple kinky items around the room including a flogger and a leash on the wall, under the bed restraints, an electroplay wand, and a glass cabinet that contains a dildo, an underwear-style harness, a dildo cushion, silicone handcuffs, safety shears, and a cock ring. There is a purple heating pad on the floor. Three pill bottles and Tiger Balm are organized neatly on the top of the cabinet.]

Image Description [Infographic with a large Venn diagram featured. The heading reads "Kink & Neurodiversity" with the subtitle "How one compliments the other, Main ideas from B Lourenco, MA, LMHC." The first half of the Venn diagram is red and reads "Kink: Any unconventional sex practice." The second half of the Venn diagram is purple and reads "Neurodiversity: Variation in mental experiences and interactions." The center of the diagram is a bullet pointed list with the text "roles & scripts, breaking norms, could be a special interest or hyperfixation topic, consent should be explicit, follow-up communication expected, overlap with gender diverse and disabled communities, seeking sensory intensity or deprivation experiences, concrete & direct expectations." There is a QR code with a link to this webpage and the caption "Scan for more."]

Kink & Neurodiversity

There are many connections between kink, neurodiversity, disability, and transness. There is a well-documented connection between neurodivergence and being transgender (Murphy et al., 2020) and more people with disabilities are kinky (Sheppard, 2024).

Roles & scripts: Clear expectations can feel supportive during sex that is often expected to be spontaneous
Breaking norms: Non-normative sex play is accepted within the kink world, and people who are trans, disabled and/or neurodivergent are already breaking norms when it comes to typical ("vanilla") sex.
Sensory play - either seeking increased sensations or decreasing sensations. Folks who feel it is difficult to stay focused on the present moment when they are having sex may benefit from decreasing sensations - a blindfold can decrease visual input, headphones can reduce auditory input, an additional layer of silicone on a vibrator can reduce tactile input, etc.
Strong focus on consent/trauma-informed/healing forms of sex
Special Interests: There is so much to know in the world of kink, that it can be a great opportunity to do a deep dive and become an expert on the topic. There are established events where people with an interest in kink to go and talk just about kink.
Follow-up communication expected: In kink, aftercare is an important part of the process. It can be helpful for neurodivergent brains to have an opportunity to debrief and clearly discuss what did/did not go well.
Exploring non-identity based fetishes (as both trans people and people with disabilities can experience fetishization)

Resources & References

Ideas inspired by the Autism & Sex class by B Lourenco (she/her), hosted by Wink Wink in 2024. Content also inspired by various interviews, including with Nora Dixon OTD, OTR/L, LRC (she/her) in January 2025.

Chronic Pain, BDSM and Crip Time by Emma Sheppard (2024)

Discussion of overlap between disability and kink

Transland: Consent, Kink, and Pleasure by Mx. Sly (Book, 2024)

Many, many content warnings with this one, but an excellent first-person description of how kink can have an impact on thinking and emotional processing, from the perspective of a trans person.

Kink and Flourishing Study

From the website: "Recent research has debunked the notion that kink is inherently pathological, revealing its potential as a catalyst for trauma healing and improved mental well-being. The Kink and Flourishing Study aims to support those findings, delving into the 'why,' 'how,' and 'how often' of flourishing due to kink experiences. This research will break new ground in destigmatizing alternative sexualities and positively recognizing the role of kink in personal growth and healing."

Encyclopedia of Kink & BDSM - Kynk 101

NIH's Neurodiversity Page

Neurodiversity Hub

Murphy, J., Prentice, F., Walsh, R., Catmur, C., & Bird, G. (2020). Autism and transgender identity: Implications for depression and anxiety. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 69, 101466. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2019.101466

Gunning, J. N., Rubinsky, V., Aragón, A., Roldán, M., McMahon, T., & Cooke-Jackson, A. (2023). A preliminary investigation into intersections of sexual communication in bondage, domination, sadomasochism and disability. Sexuality & Culture, 27(4), 1163–1179. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-022-10058-8

Pearson, A., & Hodgetts, S. (2024). “Comforting, reassuring, and…hot”: A qualitative exploration of engaging in bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and (sado)masochism and kink from the perspective of autistic adults. Autism in Adulthood, 6(1), 25–35. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2022.0103

Wignall, L., Moseley, R., & McCormack, M. (2023). Autistic traits of people who engage in pup play: Occurrence, characteristics and social connections. The Journal of Sex Research, 62(3), 330–340. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2023.2239225

Neurodiversity in the Kink Community | The Neurodiverging Podcast

International Ms Leather & International Ms Bootblack (IMsLBB)

Example of a kink event that people who are both trans and disabled have attended, participated in, and helped create

Obedience App

App: BDSM habit tracker, much like the Finch self care app for Dom/sub relationships

Autistic Love Languages, written by an anonymous autistic sexuality educator