The Spiritual Autolysis of a Dying Man

One morning about five years ago, I started to wake up from the previous night sleep, but this time it was different to every other time I had done so. I awoke in various stages.

The first part of waking up could only be described as one thing; 'Awareness' and only awareness, just beingness, no thought and no experience apart from awareness of awareness, no body, no pleasure, no pain.

It could only be described as  "Consciousness without any objects or attributes". 

This state gave me the intuition that this was the state prior to the assembly of me as a personal self with its subconscious and conscious library of memories and experiences. If I was to ask the question, Who Am I, from that point of view, which I couldn’t since there was no me; the answer would be “consciousness” and nothing else.

Gradually a slight tension was added to consciousness as the first objective experience arose and seemed to cause an image to appear on the blank screen of perception. It was an image of my son who was later recognized. At first the image made no sense but created an urge to find some meaning to it.

As the power of thought and the sense of "I" gradually began to arise, there was a recognition that this shape had some relationship with the awareness that was perceiving it. I first remembered that this shape was a human being and wondered if it could be the human clothing I inhabited., but no! it seemed separate. 

Eventually I saw that I had a relationship with another human who was my son and I seemed to be a separate human who had that relationship.

Very quickly after that, my life story presented itself and I became completely associated and synchronized with it.

The experience of absence of my [self] took away the fear of its non-existence. All fear existed within the self as it arose and didn’t exist in its absence.

The self started to look like an imaginary and temporary attribute of the awareness which I was.

If this was true, then nothing contained within the imaginary self was real and everything on the screen of me as consciousness was basically a dreamscape.

Just Words?

'A single word is sufficient to reveal the truth.'—Shin-hut

In case such a word be lurking somewhere herein . . . Wei Wu Wei

"Wisdom has nought to do with what man has created rather to do with what has created  man."

Copyright © 2016, Colin Francis

Nevertheless, although the information expounded here is ultimately for the writer's dissemination and journey back to the source, I cannot help feeling that it may provide usable signposts that can be eventually passed on the road back to pure awareness..... 

Do with it what you will!

God, Consciousness, The Absolute, All That Is, Truth................. Call it what you will!

“God sleeps in the rock, dreams in the plant, stirs in the animal, and awakens in man.” —  Sufi Teaching.

The Truth is that Consciousness exists and is the only Truth. 

Our present reality is a mental projection from it, as in a dream.

Consciousness Creates Objective Reality!

The truth of this was seen in my experience of consciousness without and object.

Truth has a primary aspect that is expressed as consciousness without attributes. Consciousness collapses the waveform of itself through the added attributes of ignorance, fear and associated emotions into Maya, i.e. the three dimensional illusory dreamscape perceived through the limitation of the five senses which is experienced as material reality. 

Consciousness (The Formless) expresses itself through form. Depending on the type of form will depend on the comparative level of expression, e.g. in an insect and a human being. Form varies and therefore so does the expression but consciousness is always the non-variable screen on which the expression is projected.

Is consciousness life?..Maybe, probably! but it is not what happens in life. The screen and the objects on the screen is a good analogy. If I, in truth, Am consciousness, am I the expression which is lifetime. The expression is the dream of consciousness as the manifested universe which in the final outcome does not exist. Lifetime is but a dream and the dream is our illusory reality.

Life seems to be consciousness in active expression whether it is aware of it or not. Or maybe consciousness is always aware of itself but the lifeform in the dream it uses for expression i.e. the individual, is for a considerable length of its cycle in time, living in an apparent dream state from which it will eventually awaken and become lucid with regard to its true identity. This happens when the 'I Am' aspect becomes self-aware, as in human beings, but initially makes the mistake of associating itself with the form and life it seems to inhabit and builds an ego as a false self to support this error. The original sin... mistake... intent... play... game!

Psychological fear and pain is then a direct result of this malady. Consciousness is all and therefore the only thing that can and does exist. Reality is a dream; but reality is the playground for consciousness and is its expression in objects for some reason, or maybe no reason at all!

So in REALITY we can play and be creative in the dream state whether asleep or lucid , in pain or in joy. The former filled with fear and contraction and the latter filled with freedom and expansion. The pain of fear will eventually drive us to the need for, and access to, freedom from our-self in sleep and into the awakening beyond the self. The Cycle of Life and the eventual return to the Source. There is no stopping it!

Why? My best guess is. “From Joy Springs the Universe and Unto Joy the Universe Returns”. Upanishads.

Who Knows? Nobody! No person! No individual! None of these exist, only consciousness is and does.

Pure Existence is the Consciousness of Joy.  Existence is Consciousness. Consciousness aware of itself. Lucid, Awake. One. No reason needed, it just is, just isness.

Four small experiences which were very deep and in the early years of my life set the stage and made me realise that this process was happening from the very start of my life.

1. I was at home in the living room and in my baby pram, so I must have been a baby before I was able to walk. I looked out of the pram while laying on my back and took in a full view of the surroundings and noticed our pet alsatian dog walk past the pram which was one of those old semi- circular contraptions with the big wheels and a large hood which would make three quarters of a circle when raised. The dog was a high as the pram, roughly two feet, and I could see the whole of its broad back as it walked past. I knew exactly what my surroundings were and I could describe them in detail as I am doing now. The difference then was I was a baby and I had no language to use. That memory of that experience is as strong now as it was then which can also be said about the next two that followed.

2. I was four years old and standing in front of the fire hearth in the living room at home watching my brother and mother setting a coal fire early in the morning. While I stood there I asked my mother and brother how old I was and their reply was,'Four years old'. I replied that I must be at least eight years old because to me, eight years old was ancient, because that is how I felt.

3. I was twelve years old and I was standing against the perimeter wall in my grammar school playground. I was alone even though there were a few hundred kids playing in the playground. While I was still and quiet, I watched all the surroundings and the children playing and had a deep routed feeling that something very special was going to happen in my life and left me deeply happy even though school days for me from the start was a very unhappy and fearful time. The feeling didn't have anything to do with the experience of trauma of my schooldays, it was deep routed, separate and stayed with me all of my life and also left me with the sense that I didn't belong.

4. At the age of seventeen a full blown separation into a spiritual journey started and never stopped. I see it now but I didn't see it then.