Student Readings: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/institute-secondary-electives-student-readings-and-selected-course-outlines/preparing-for-an-eternal-marriage-student-readings?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preparing-for-an-eternal-marriage/19-adjusting-to-married-life?lang=eng

“Two people coming from different backgrounds learn soon after the ceremony is performed that stark reality must be faced. There is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe; we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. Responsibility must be assumed and new duties must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be relinquished, and many adjustments, unselfish adjustments, must be made”

“One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered. The virtues which were constantly magnified during courtship now grow relatively smaller, and the weaknesses which seemed so small and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizable proportions. The hour has come for understanding hearts, for self-appraisal, and for good common sense, reasoning, and planning. The habits of years now show themselves; the spouse may be stingy or prodigal, lazy or industrious, devout or irreligious; he may be kind and cooperative or petulant and cross, demanding or giving, egotistical or self-effacing. The in-law problem comes closer into focus, and the relationships of the spouse to them is again magnified” (-Pres Kimball- “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 3; see also student manual, 170).

Pres. Benson

“Spiritual growth comes by solving problems together—not by running from them. Today’s inordinate emphasis on individualism brings egotism and separation. Two individuals becoming ‘one flesh’ is still the Lord’s standard. (see Gen. 2:24.)

“The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth” (“Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 2–4; see also Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 85–86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 59–60).

Elder Harold B. Lee

If young people “would resolve from the moment of their marriage, that from that time forth they would resolve and do everything in their power to please each other in things that are right, even to the sacrifice of their own pleasures, their own appetites, their own desires, the problem of adjustment in married life would take care of itself, and their home would indeed be a happy home. Great love is built on great sacrifice, and that home where the principle of sacrifice for the welfare of each other is daily expressed is that home where there abides a great love” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1947, 49).

Adjusting to In-Laws

President Spencer W. Kimball

“Couples do well to immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of the in-laws on either side. The home may be very modest and unpretentious, but still it is an independent domicile. Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever; you cherish their counsel; you appreciate their association; but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it. To cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home; it means to adhere closely, to stick together:

“‘Wherefore, it is lawful that … they twain shall be one flesh, and all this that the earth might answer the end of its creation;

“‘And that it might be filled with the measure of man, according to his creation before the world was made.’ (D&C 49:16–17.)” (“Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 5).

How is this chart like marriage? What is important for us to know?

https://www.instagram.com/p/DCWraz3NiAT/

https://www.instagram.com/p/DCHQ0H9vFU4/

https://www.instagram.com/p/DCZP-YsR0HZ/

LOVE What it ISN'T

Respect Objective

Divine Carnal, worldly

Patient Demanding

Charity Selfish

Sharing Withholding

Close Distant

Team Competition

Enduring Temporary

Experience Event

Kind Mean

Healing Hurtful

Humble Prideful

Peace Chaos

Joy Content

Desire to achieve take advantage of

Inspiring groveling

Real Pleasure Self Pleasing

Tough Soft, weak, brittle, stiff

Willing to change Stagnant

Admit wrongs always right

Slow cooked microwaved

Law abiding Criminal

Price, sacrifice Free

Fulfilling Appeasing appetite/lust

Vegetable Twinkie

Nutrition Empty calories

Sacred Casual, superficial

Courageous fear, cowards

Welding duct taped

Committed wandering, partial

Whole Hole

Spiritual Temporal, sensual

Natural Forced

Relationship Transaction, Exchange

Personal Business

Work for it Convenience

Woman/Mother Man/Father

Loves till you close your eyes Loves without an expression in the eyes

Makes a it home Provides a house

Heart of family Head of family

Make it a meal Provides the ingredients

Take care of his inner world Takes care of her outer world

Reflects Ideology Reflects Reality

Teaches you to walk Teaches you the walk of life

Protects you from falling Shows you how to get up when you fall

Personifies Care Personifies Responsibility

Introduces you to the world Introduces the world to you

Gives you life Gives you living

Gives you comfort Provides discomfort opportunities for growth

Need Understanding Need appreciation

Need Love Need Respect

Need Reassurance Need Encouragement

Need Attention Need Trust

Need Devotion Need Loyalty

Need Creation Need Purpose

Need Validation Need Admiration

• What can men and women do to help each other feel loved and needed?

• What can they do to demonstrate caring and tenderness toward each other?

• What are some ways a woman can tell that a man understands and accepts her?

• What are some ways a man can tell that a woman understands and accepts him?

• What are some ways men and women can show respect for each other?

• Why is it important for couples to accept differences in each other that likely will not change?

• Think of someone you know who seems to be a wonderful companion to his or her spouse. What specific things can we learn from this person’s example?

Examples

John 2:1–10 (the story of the wedding feast; see also JST, John 2:4).

John 4:6–30 (the Samaritan woman at the well).

John 8:1–11 (Jesus interacting with the woman taken in adultery).

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/womens-divine-roles-and-responsibilities?lang=eng&id=title2#title2

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/equality-of-men-and-women?lang=eng&id=title13#title13

Scenario: Alex often feels uncomfortable during conversations about what people consider to be traditional characteristics of men and women. She doesn’t feel like she has many traits that are considered feminine. She also has a lot of personal interests that align more with the interests of some of the men she knows. When conversations on gender come up in church, she wonders if she will ever really be able to fit in with the other women. She believes in Jesus Christ and trusts in the power of His Atonement, but she’s not sure how He can help her. In the end, Alexandra really wants to know if her personality will allow her to fulfill her divine potential as a daughter of God.

How can my understanding of gender be strengthened as I better understand Heavenly Father’s plan?

The family proclamation states: “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

The term gender can have different meanings for different people. As explained in the Church handbook, “The intended meaning of gender in the family proclamation is biological sex at birth” (General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 38.6.23).

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said of our creation: This [creation of male and female] was done spiritually in your premortal existence when you lived in the presence of your Father in Heaven. Your gender existed before you came to earth. (“The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness,” Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73)

President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency further taught that the “binary creation [of male and female] is essential to the plan of salvation” (in “General Conference Leadership Meetings Begin,” Oct. 2, 2019, newsroom.ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

The eternal marriage of a man and a woman is essential to becoming like our heavenly parents. The nature of eternal life, or exaltation, is the continuation of families for eternity. This potential can only be reached “through the creative powers inherent in the combination of male and female joined in an eternal marriage (see Doctrine and Covenants 132:19)” (Dallin H. Oaks, in “General Conference Leadership Meetings Begin”).

“By divine design, both a man and a woman are needed to bring children into mortality and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children” (David A. Bednar, “Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Ensign, June 2006, 83; see also Genesis 1:28).

Heavenly Father endows men and women with distinct capacities to help them fulfill these and other divine responsibilities in His plan. Men and women need each other to progress and reach their full eternal potential. As Elder Bednar taught:

The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation. …For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary.… The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness. Alone, neither the man nor the woman could fulfill the purposes of his or her creation. … Just as the unique characteristics of both males and females contribute to the completeness of a marriage relationship, so those same characteristics are vital to the rearing, nurturing, and teaching of children. (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” 83–84)

Elder Renlund "Male and female spirits were created to complement each other. That is why gender is not fluid in the eternities—because it provides the basis for the ultimate gift Heavenly Father can give, His kind of life. (“The Divine Purposes of Sexual Intimacy,” Ensign, Aug. 2020, 16)

Sisster Craig "Latter-day Saints come in many shapes and sizes, but “all are alike unto God” [2 Nephi 26:33]. … No matter who you are or what you’re dealing with, you are invited to the Lord’s table. (“Spiritual Capacity,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 21)

Pres. Oaks "Be careful how you characterize yourself. … The only single quality that should characterize us is that we are a son or daughter of God. That fact transcends all other characteristics. (“How to Define Yourself,” New Era, June 2013, 48)

Each of us is a child of God with a potential destiny of eternal life. Every other label … is temporary or trivial in eternal terms. Don’t choose to label yourselves or think of yourselves in terms that put a limit on a goal for which you might strive. (“Where Will This Lead?,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 62)

Elder Christofferson "Everyone has gifts; everyone has talents; everyone can contribute to the unfolding of the divine plan in each generation. … So many of you are doing your very best. And when you who bear the heaviest burdens of mortality stand up in defense of God’s plan to exalt His children, we are all ready to march. With confidence we testify that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has anticipated and, in the end, will compensate all deprivation and loss for those who turn to Him. No one is predestined to receive less than all that the Father has for His children. (“Why Marriage, Why Family,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2015, 52)

Peacemakers needed

Peace-Breaking is when you stand on the side of ‘right’ and attempt to win an argument, while at the same time you lose the relationship. 

Peace-Faking is when you mistakenly accept an absence of conflict for real peace. Instead of confronting a problem or an offense, you overlook it. The problem is that there is still no real peace, just a calm that may not last.

Peace Making is when a peaceful, private confrontation is made with the purpose of restoring and maintaining the relationship. This should be approached with every effort to come to a peaceful resolution. Remember, your goal is to restore the relationship, not to win the argument. Humility is key because it requires that we set aside our rights, our passions and all of our selfish pride for the benefit of making peace.

peacemaking is not the absence of conflict, its not passive, its not appeasement, its not avoidance, its not withholding truth

11 Effective Communication

Words matter....best words in the english language https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2024/04/41rasband?lang=eng

1

2

3

What one word defines a good communicator? What words specifically remind you of Jesus Christ?

Elder L. Lionel Kendrick of the Seventy taught: “Christlike communications are expressed in tones of love rather than loudness. They are intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. They tend to bind us together rather than to drive us apart. They tend to build rather than to belittle.

“Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity and not with confusion. They may be tender or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered.

“The real challenge that we face in our communications with others is to condition our hearts to have Christlike feelings for all of Heavenly Father’s children. When we develop this concern for the condition of others, we then will communicate with them as the Savior would. We will then warm the hearts of those who may be suffering in silence. As we meet people with special needs along life’s way, we can then make their journey brighter by the things that we say.

“Christlike communications will help us to develop righteous relationships and ultimately to return to our heavenly home safely. May we treasure the divine gift of communication, and may we use it wisely to build and to assist others on this marvelous journey through mortality.”

Temporal Preparedness

2 Nephi 5

• Earn a living.

• Manage money.

• Manage time.

• Clean and mend clothing.

• Prepare nutritious meals.

• Learn to maintain living quarters.

• House Maintenance.

• Know basic homemaking skills.

• Learn about home storage and production.

• Practice principles of health and physical fitness.

• Learn to work.

• Complete projects and achieve goals.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preparing-for-an-eternal-marriage/9-balancing-personal-growth-and-responsibility?lang=eng

GOALS and DEVELOPMENT

What did you do yesterday?

“A periodic review of the covenants we have made with the Lord will help us with our priorities and with balance in our lives....

1. “Think about your life and set your priorities.”

2. “Set short-term goals that you can reach.”

3. “Through wise budgeting, control your real needs and measure them carefully against your many wants in life.”

4. “Build relationships with your family and friends through open and honest communication.”

5. “Study the scriptures.”

6. Schedule “the time for sufficient rest, exercise, and relaxation.”

7. “Teach one another the gospel.”

8. “Pray often as individuals and as families.”

(In Conference Report, Apr. 1987, 15–17; or Ensign, May 1987, 14–15.)

A farmer's Journal: 

“Decided to cut hay. Started to harness up the horses and found that the harness was broken. I took it to the granary to repair it and noticed some empty sacks lying around. The sacks were a reminder that some potatoes in the cellar needed the sprouts removed. I went to the cellar to do the job and noticed that the room needed sweeping. I went to the house to get a broom and saw the wood box was empty. I went to the woodpile and noticed some ailing chickens. They were such sad-looking things that I decided to get some medicine for them. Since I was out of medicine, I jumped into the car and headed for the drugstore. On the way, I ran out of gas.”

Hyper Focus DC 6:36

Long-Range Goals, Intermediate Goals, Short-Range Goals, and Daily Tasks.

Habit stacking "No behavior happens in isolation. Each action becomes a cue that triggers the next behavior...One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top. This is called habit stacking." -James Clear

Be believing DC 90:24

“Objectives and goals should not only be worthwhile but also realistic. They should be an incentive to work effectively. Thus the setting of realistic objectives and achieving them becomes an important part of the great process of eternal progression” (Franklin D. Richards, in Conference Report, Oct. 1969, 123).

Elder Clark 2015 S&I “Whatever level of spirituality we now enjoy in our lives; whatever degree of faith in Jesus Christ we now have; whatever strength of commitment and consecration, whatever degree of obedience or hope or charity is ours; whatever level of professional skill and ability we may have obtained, it will not be sufficient for the work that lies ahead.

Brothers and sisters, you and I need to be much better than we are now. The scriptures teach us that the world is now and will be in commotion. Wickedness and darkness will increase. Yet in that darkening world there will be increased divine light. The Lord Jesus Christ has a great work for us to do with the rising generation. It is a greater work than we have ever done before. The Lord is working in power to strengthen teaching and learning in His true and living Church. He is hastening His work, and He is preparing the earth and His kingdom and us for His return.”

Elder Eyring “As the challenges around us increase, we must commit to do more to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. Casual prayer won’t be enough. Reading a few verses of the scripture won’t be enough. Doing the minimum of what the Lord asks of us won’t be enough. Hoping that we will have the Atonement work in our lives and that we will perhaps sometimes feel the influence of the Holy Ghost won’t be enough. And one great burst of effort won’t be enough. Only a steady, ever-increasing effort will allow the Lord to take us to higher ground.”

NAM “Either we use time wisely or it uses us; either we manage Tasks effectively, or we are pushed about and prodded by them”

Alma 34:33 ​And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many ​​​witnesses​, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not ​​​procrastinate​ the day of your ​​​repentance​ until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the ​​​night​ of ​​​darkness​ wherein there can be no labor performed.

Next time

Elder Maxwell 1990 Put off the Natural Man "We cannot “come off conqueror,” except we first “put off” the selfish, natural man! —Elder Neal A. Maxwell

The Natural Man

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preparing-for-an-eternal-marriage/8-overcoming-the-natural-man?lang=eng

Mosiah 3:19, 16:2-5, 27:25-26; Alma 26:21, 38:12, 39:9, 41:11; Ether 3:2; 1 Corinthians 2:14; 2 Peter 1:4; D&C 20:20, 67:12

Sugar, stupidity, sex, social media, sunlight, showers, sleep,

satisfy self... impulse, craving.... comfort... "boat"

Foolish, Evil continually... need the Lord

Doesn't know ...His mercy (doesn't "need" Him)... not looking for it

Cannot abide His presence

Carnal, physical, flesh seekers

instant gratification, EASY

Lazy, apathy, shallow

Seek to be desired, want to be wanted/liked

bitterness, not happy or satisfied

selfish, lustful, angry, irritable

weak, unworthy, hangry

devilish, judgy, pessimists

being certain vs being correct

wants to be told what to do... doesn't know north

“Because this doctrine [of the natural man] is so basic to the plan of salvation and also because it is so susceptible to misunderstanding, we must note that these references to ‘natural’ evil emphatically do not mean that men and women are ‘inherently’ evil. There is a crucial difference. As spiritual sons and daughters of God, all mortal men and women are divine in origin and divine in their potential destiny. As Doctrine and Covenants 93:38–39 teaches, the spirit of every man, woman, and child ‘was innocent in the beginning.’ But it is also true that as a result of the Fall they are now in a ‘natural’ (fallen) world where the devil ‘taketh away light’ and where some elements of nature—including temporal human nature—need discipline, restraint, and refinement. It is as if men and women are given, as part of their next step in development along the path to godhood, raw physical and spiritual ingredients—‘natural’ resources, if you will. Those resources are not to run rampant but are to be harnessed and focused so that their power and potential (as is sometimes done with a ‘natural’ river or a ‘natural’ waterfall) can be channeled and thereby made even more productive and beneficial.

“Natural man, with all of his new and wonderful but as yet unbridled and unregenerated potential, must be made ‘submissive’ to the Holy Spirit, a spirit that still entices and lifts us upward. … Our deepest desires, our premortal yearnings, are still divine in their origins, and they are still deep in our souls. The echoes of our earlier innocence still reverberate, and the light that forsakes the evil one still shines. Our hearts can—and in their purity, do—desire that which is spiritual and holy rather than that which is ‘carnal, sensual, and devilish.’ If that were not so, we would be in a hopeless condition indeed, and the idea of real choice would be jeopardized forever. We praise God our Father that our true heritage is of him and that by yielding and submitting to his eternal influence we can overcome the enmity which separated us from him and turn those gifts from nature to our blessing rather than our cursing” (Christ and the New Covenant, 205–7).

"If, then in the course of our mortal experience, we chose to “do all things whatsoever the Lord [our] God [should] command [us]” [Abraham 3:25], we would have kept our “second estate” [Abraham 3:26]. This means that by our choices we would demonstrate to God (and to ourselves) our commitment and capacity to live His celestial law while outside His presence and in a physical body with all its powers, appetites, and passions. Could we bridle the flesh so that it became the instrument rather than the master of the spirit? Could we be trusted both in time and eternity with godly powers, including power to create life? Would we individually overcome evil? Those who did would “have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever” [Abraham 3:26]—a very significant aspect of that glory being a resurrected, immortal, and glorified physical body. No wonder we “shouted for joy” at these magnificent possibilities and promises [Job 38:7]. (Christofferson, “Why Marriage, Why Family,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2015, 51)

"Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal existence. Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and act in accordance with truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In the school of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, “according to the flesh” (1 Nephi 19:6; Alma 7:12–13). (“We Believe in Being Chaste,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2013, 41)

Part of our mortal testing “is to determine if the appetites of [our] body can become mastered by the spirit that dwells within it” (Russell M. Nelson, “Your Body: A Magnificent Gift to Cherish,” New Era, Aug. 2019, 5).

Elder Bednar- "To some degree, the natural man … is alive and well in each of us (see Mosiah 3:19). The natural man or woman is unrepentant, is carnal and sensual (see Mosiah 16:5; Alma 42:10; Moses 5:13), is indulgent and excessive, and is prideful and selfish. …As sons and daughters of God, we have inherited divine capacities from Him. But we presently live in a fallen world. The very elements out of which our bodies were created are by nature fallen and ever subject to the pull of sin, corruption, and death. Consequently, the Fall of Adam and its spiritual and temporal consequences affect us most directly through our physical bodies...Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We are here on the earth to develop godlike qualities and to bridle all of the passions of the flesh. (“We Believe in Being Chaste,” 42–43)

• How can this principle help someone who may feel like he or she cannot change or cannot control the appetites and impulses of the natural man?

• What are some things the Savior understands about the challenges of a physical body?

• What have you learned about the Savior from how He has helped you “put off” or overcome the natural man and become more like Him? How has the Holy Spirit helped you in these efforts?

If the leper represents a new potential date or relationship... what does this teach you about Jesus? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL8DThllZAY&ab_channel=TheChosen

Elder Holland on Marriage

Work at it: You have to work at it! Holland DC4 work at it

DATING 101

A triple threat

Dos and don'ts: 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2020/02/the-dos-and-donts-of-dating?lang=eng

Ideas: Dating ideas doc.

Teach the Principle

"Our Heavenly Father’s goal in parenting is not to have His children do what is right; it is to have His children choose to do what is right and ultimately become like Him." DGR https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/10/choose-you-this-day?lang=eng

MODEL IT (2 feet on the floor, not in the dark, don't go in the bedroom)

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2010/04/dating-advice-from-prophets-and-apostles?lang=eng

Week 5 Dating and Tennis

What difference would it make to know what kind of Tennis player you are? Gen 39:9?

What happened today that brought you a little closer to the Savior?

Week 4      Successful Family Life

What is the worlds view of a successful family life?

President Gordon B. Hinckley

“Perhaps our greatest concern is with families. The family is falling apart all over the world. The old ties that bound together father and mother and children are breaking everywhere. We must face this in our own midst. There are too many broken homes among our own. The love that led to marriage somehow evaporates, and hatred fills its place. Hearts are broken; children weep. Can we not do better? Of course we can. It is selfishness that brings about most of these tragedies. If there is forbearance, if there is forgiveness, if there is an anxious looking after the happiness of one’s companion, then love will flourish and blossom.

“As I look to the future, I see little to feel enthusiastic about concerning the family in America and across the world. Drugs and alcohol are taking a terrible toll, which is not likely to decrease. Harsh language one to another, indifference to the needs of one another—all seem to be increasing. There is so much of child abuse. There is so much of spouse abuse. There is growing abuse of the elderly. All of this will happen and get worse unless there is an underlying acknowledgment, yes, a strong and fervent conviction, concerning the fact that the family is an instrument of the Almighty. It is His creation. It is also the basic unit of society.

“I lift a warning voice to our people. We have moved too far toward the mainstream of society in this matter. Now of course there are good families. There are good families everywhere. But there are too many who are in trouble. This is a malady with a cure. The prescription is simple and wonderfully effective. It is love. It is plain, simple, everyday love and respect. It is a tender plant that needs nurturing. But it is worth all of the effort we can put into it” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 69).

Gods view -Moses 5

Labored together (Moses 5:1)

sexual relationships and bore children together (Moses 5:2);

Gave their children responsibilities (moses 5:3)

prayed and received inspiration together (Moses 5:4);

received commandments together (Moses 5:5);

taught their children together (Moses 5:12);

ceased not to call upon God (Moses 5:16)

and mourned together (Moses 5:27).

“Marriage between a man and a woman is fundamental to the Lord’s doctrine and crucial to God’s eternal plan. Marriage between a man and a woman is God’s pattern for a fulness of life on earth and in heaven. God’s marriage pattern cannot be abused, misunderstood, or misconstrued.33 Not if you want true joy. God’s marriage pattern protects the sacred power of procreation and the joy of true marital intimacy.34 We know that Adam and Eve were married by God before they ever experienced the joy of uniting as husband and wife.35

In our day civil governments have a vested interest in protecting marriage because strong families constitute the best way of providing for the health, education, welfare, and prosperity of rising generations.36 But civil governments are heavily influenced by social trends and secular philosophies as they write, rewrite, and enforce laws. Regardless of what civil legislation may be enacted, the doctrine of the Lord regarding marriage and morality cannot be changed.37 Remember: sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God!” Pres. Nelson https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/decisions-for-eternity?lang=eng

“Thinking celestial will also help you obey the law of chastity. Few things will complicate your life more quickly than violating this divine law. For those who have made covenants with God, immorality is one of the quickest ways to lose your testimony.

Many of the adversary’s most relentless temptations involve violations of moral purity. The power to create life is the one privilege of godhood that Heavenly Father allows His mortal children to exercise. Thus, God set clear guidelines for the use of this living, divine power. Physical intimacy is only for a man and a woman who are married to each other.” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/10/51nelson?lang=eng

Week 3 The Family: A proclamation to the World

Elder Russell M. Nelson “If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time!” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 27; or Ensign, May 1991, 23).

Elder Merrill J. Bateman “The proclamation teaches that ‘successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.’ In other words, the Lord measures the success of a family by the quality of its relationships. In a home where faith, love, and forgiveness are dominant, members find joy and satisfaction in being together. Ideally the father presides in love and righteousness, provides the necessities of life, and protects the family while the mother is primarily responsible for the nurturing of the children. In contrast, the world often measures family success by the accumulation of worldly things and the size of the estate that is passed on to the children” (“The Eternal Family,” 115).

FAITH President Spencer W. Kimball “The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 248).

PRAYER President Gordon B. Hinckley “I know of no other practice that will have so salutary an effect upon your lives as will the practice of kneeling together in prayer. The very words, Our Father in Heaven, have a tremendous effect. You cannot speak them with sincerity and with recognition without having some feeling of accountability to God. The little storms that seem to afflict every marriage become of small consequence while kneeling before the Lord and addressing him as a suppliant son and daughter. ..Your daily conversations with him will bring peace into your hearts and a joy into your lives that can come from no other source. Your companionship will sweeten through the years. Your love will strengthen. Your appreciation one for another will grow...Your children will be blessed with a sense of security that comes of living in a home where dwells the Spirit of God. They will know and love parents who respect one another, and a spirit of respect will grow in their own hearts. They will experience the security of kind words quietly spoken. They will be sheltered by a father and mother who, living honestly with God, live honestly with one another and with their fellowmen. They will mature with a sense of appreciation, having heard their parents in prayer express gratitude for blessings great and small. They will grow with faith in the living God” (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 216).

“Your companionship will be one that will sweeten and strengthen through the years and that will endure through eternity. Your love and appreciation for one another will increase” (Cornerstones of a Happy Home, 11).

REPENTANCE “In the battle of life, the adversary takes enormous numbers of prisoners, and many who know of no way to escape and are pressed into his service. Every soul confined to a concentration camp of sin and guilt has a key to the gate. The adversary cannot hold them if they know how to use it. The key is labeled Repentance. The twin principles of repentance and forgiveness exceed in strength the awesome power of the adversary. BKP

FORGIVENESS Elder Robert L. Simpson “Every couple, whether in the first or the twenty-first year of marriage, should discover the value of pillow-talk time at the end of the day—the perfect time to take inventory, to talk about tomorrow. And best of all, it’s a time when love and appreciation for one another can be reconfirmed. The end of another day is also the perfect setting to say, ‘Sweetheart, I am sorry about what happened today. Please forgive me’” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1982, 30; or Ensign, May 1982, 21).

RESPECT Elder Merrill J. Bateman “When a man understands how glorious a woman is, he treats her differently. When a woman understands that a man has the seeds of divinity within him, she honors him not only for who he is but for what he may become. An understanding of the divine nature allows each person to have respect for the other. The eternal view engenders a desire in men and women to learn from and share with each other” (“The Eternal Family,” 113).

Compassion President Thomas S. Monson “What power, what tenderness, what compassion did our Master and Exemplar thus demonstrate! We too can bless if we will but follow His noble example. Opportunities are everywhere. Needed are eyes to see the pitiable plight and ears to hear the silent pleadings of a broken heart. Yes, and a soul filled with compassion, that we might communicate not only eye to eye or voice to ear but, in the majestic style of the Savior, even heart to heart” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 80; or Ensign, May 1991, 61).

WORK President Thomas S. Monson “What power, what tenderness, what compassion did our Master and Exemplar thus demonstrate! We too can bless if we will but follow His noble example. Opportunities are everywhere. Needed are eyes to see the pitiable plight and ears to hear the silent pleadings of a broken heart. Yes, and a soul filled with compassion, that we might communicate not only eye to eye or voice to ear but, in the majestic style of the Savior, even heart to heart” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 80; or Ensign, May 1991, 61).

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin “Parents should plant deeply the seed of the work ethic into the hearts and habits of their children. As society has shifted from an agrarian to an urban structure, the joy and necessity of diligent, hard work have been neglected. If our young people do not learn to work while in their homes, they likely will be compelled to learn later in a setting where the lesson may be painful” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 9; or Ensign, May 1989, 8).

WHOLESOME RECREATION President Ezra Taft Benson “Wholesome recreation is part of our religion, and a change of pace is necessary, and even its anticipation can lift the spirit” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1974, 92; or Ensign, Nov. 1974, 66). “Families must spend more time together in work and recreation. Family home evenings should be scheduled once a week as a time for discussions of gospel principles, recreation, work projects, skits, songs around the piano, games, special refreshments, and family prayers. Like iron links in a chain, this practice will bind a family together, in love, pride, tradition, strength, and loyalty” (“Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 4; see also Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60). “Successful families do things together: family projects, work, vacations, recreation, and reunions” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1984, 6; or Ensign, May 1984, 6).

WK 2 Marriage for Eternity

I don't want to get married funny: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97CyMWocx_g

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/marriage-for-eternity?lang=eng&id=title10#title10

Week 2

Eternal Perspective quotes:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/eternal-perspective?lang=eng&id=title3#title3

Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/richard-g-scott/acquiring-spiritual-knowledge/

“As knowledge unfolds it must be understood, valued, used, remembered, and expanded”? I’ll explain each concept...

Understood: As each element of truth is encountered, it should be carefully examined in the light of prior knowledge to determine where it fits. It needs to be twisted, turned inside out, and studied from every vantage point to discover any hidden meaning. It must be viewed in perspective to confirm that you have not jumped to false conclusions. Prayerful pondering engenders further understanding. Such evaluation is particularly important when the truth comes as an impression from the Spirit.

Valued: The Lord said: “And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more” (D&C 78:19). To value knowledge is to show appreciation for it, especially in heartfelt prayers of gratitude.

Used: Application of truth is the surest way of making it eternally ours. It is the use of knowledge that causes it to bear fruit in our lives. One of the best examples of the use of knowledge gained is expressed in these familiar words of President Kimball:

We hope that the leaders and the members of the Church who have attended and listened to the conference have been inspired and uplifted. We hope you have made copious notes of the thoughts that have come to your mind as the Brethren have addressed you. Many suggestions have been given that will help you as leaders in the perfection of your work. Many helpful thoughts have been given for the perfection of our own lives, and that, of course, is the basic reason for our coming. [Now you’re going to have a similar experience here at Education Week. You’ll take copious notes, you’ll be inspired, you’ll record those impressions that come to you. Afterwards, we should follow President Kimball’s example.]

While sitting here, I have made up my mind that when I go home from this conference this night there are many, many areas in my life that I can perfect. I have made a mental list of them, and I expect to go to work as soon as we get through with conference. [CR, October 1975, p. 164; also, Ensign, November 1975, p. 111]

And then the real learning begins!

Remembered: Brigham Young declared, “If you love the truth you can remember it” (JD 3:358). Knowledge carefully recorded is knowledge available in time of need. Spiritually sensitive information should be kept in a sacred place that communicates to the Lord how it is treasured. That practice enhances the likelihood of receiving further light.

Powerful spiritual direction in our lives can be overcome or be forced into the background unless we provide a way to remember it. Joseph Smith taught the Twelve the importance of recording spiritual direction with these words:

If you assemble from time to time, and proceed to discuss important questions, and pass decisions upon the same, and fail to note them down, by and by you will be driven to straits from which you will not be able to extricate yourselves, because you may be in a situation not to bring your faith to bear with sufficient perfection or power to obtain the desired information; or, perhaps, for neglecting to write these things when God had revealed them, not esteeming them of sufficient worth, the Spirit may withdraw and God may be angry; and there is, or was, a vast knowledge, of infinite importance, which is now lost. [From minutes of instruction to the Council of the Twelve, February 27, 1835; HC 2:198–99]

That advice is meticulously followed in the presiding councils of the church. Each of us will be blessed as we heed it in our own private life.

Expanded: This thought refers to the rich benefits that result as we diligently strive to enlarge, extend, and increase our understanding of truth. Productive resources for expanding our knowledge are the scriptures and the declarations of the prophets. President Benson counseled that we should make daily study of the scriptures a lifetime pursuit.

I . . . say to you that one of the most important things you can do . . . is to immerse yourselves in the scriptures. Search them diligently. Feast upon the words of Christ. Learn the doctrine. Master the principles that are found therein. . . . Few other efforts . . . will bring greater dividends to [you.] Few other ways [will result in] greater inspiration. . . You must . . . see that studying and searching the scriptures is not a burden laid upon [us] by the Lord, but a marvelous blessing and opportunity. [”The Power of the Word,” Ensign, November 1986, p. 81]

Week 1

PATTERNS OF A SHOPPER

“Wise shoppers study their options thoroughly before they make a selection. They focus primarily on the quality and durability of a desired product. They want the very best. In contrast, some shoppers look for bargains, and others may splurge, only to learn later—much to their dismay—that their choice did not endure well. And sadly, there are those rare individuals who cast aside their personal integrity and steal what they want. We call them shoplifters.​

The patterns of the shopper may be applied to the topic of marriage. A couple in love can choose a marriage of the highest quality or a lesser type that will not endure. Or they can choose neither and brazenly steal what they want as “marital shoplifters.”​

…While salvation is an individual matter, exaltation is a family matter.5Only those who are married in the temple and whose marriage is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise will continue as spouses after death6 and receive the highest degree of celestial glory, or exaltation. A temple marriage is also called a celestial marriage. Within the celestial glory are three levels. To obtain the highest, a husband and wife must be sealed for time and all eternity and keep their covenants made in a holy temple.7​

​

Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in a marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort... That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness. God’s plan of happiness allows us to choose for ourselves. As with the patterns of the shopper, we may choose celestial marriage or lesser alternatives.35 Some marital options are cheap, some are costly, and some are cunningly crafted by the adversary. Beware of his options; they always breed misery!36 The best choice is a celestial marriage!… Celestial marriage is a pivotal part of preparation for eternal life. It requires one to be married to the right person, in the right place, by the right authority, and to obey that sacred covenant faithfully.43Then one may be assured of exaltation in the celestial kingdom of God." -President Nelson​

​

 119 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

These questions were prepared by Brother Stephen K. Hunsaker. Logan Utah Institute Instructor, for the Preparing for an Eternal Marriage Course 234. Asking and answering these questions will be most successful if you answer them with absolute honesty, not with what you think the other person wants you to say. Also consider this from Elder Richard G. Scott: “I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them.  You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you.  These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife.”  (Ensign, May 1999, p. 26)

1. What is your testimony about tithing?

2. What is your testimony about scriptures?

3. What is your testimony about prayer?

4. What is your testimony about the temple?

5. What is your testimony about church attendance?

6. What are your feelings about serving in a calling?

7. How important is it to you to be sealed in the temple?

8. Do you currently hold a temple recommend?

9. What would cause you to not attend church?

10.   Describe your feelings about the Atonement and your connection to it through personal repentance.

11.   How do you define your relationship with God?

12.   What role does Family Home Evening play in family life?

13.   Do you consider yourself a forgiving person?

14.   Do you consider yourself an unselfish person?

15.   Do you feel like you are an honest person?

16.   What are your feelings about the prophet?

17.   How do you feel you will respond if something difficult comes from the prophet?

18.   What are your feelings about gay marriage and the churches stance on it?

19.   How do you want to teach your children when it comes to gay marriage and the LGBT community?

20.   How do you feel you would respond if one of your children struggled with same-sex attraction?

21.   Are you comfortable giving/receiving priesthood blessings?

22.   How do you feel about taking a premarital assessment and premarital counseling?

23.   How do you feel about going to counseling for personal or martial struggles?

24.   What do you feel about taking medication for mental/emotional struggles?

25.   What are your feelings about the doctrines taught in the Proclamation on the Family?

26.   How do you feel about having children?

27.   What is your timing on starting a family?

28.   How many children have you always wanted to have?

29.   If we are unable to have children, how do you feel about adoption?

30.   What are your feelings about using birth control?

31.   What would we do if we had a baby with autism/down syndrome/other long-term special needs? 

32.   What makes you nervous or anxious regarding intimacy?

33.   How do you feel most comfortable expressing your love?

34.   What is the most important way to receive love?

35.   What method of discipline do you feel is best to use with children?

36.   Who is going to discipline the children?

37.   How important is education for members of the family? (Including each other)

38.   What role do our parents play in our marriage?

39.   What if your mom or dad doesn't like me? What if my mom or dad doesn't like you? 

40.   What will be different once you get married?

41.   What are you expectation of marriage?

42.   Do you want to live near extended family?

43.   Are you willing to live away from family, even if it is indefinitely?

44.   How do you feel about our children staying with members of our families that live different lifestyles then ours?

45.   Are you in debt?

46.   What are your financial goals?

47.   Do you use a credit card regularly?

48.   Does it matter to you who will earn most of the income?

49.   How do you feel about a wife/mother working outside the home?

50.   Do you feel like it is OK to send your children to daycare?

51.   What do you feel is justified to go into debt for?

52.   How much do you play video games?

53.   Will you continue to play video games after marriage? If so, how often?

54.   How much do you want to socialize?

55.   How important are politics to you?

56.   What do you do if your political view goes against your religious view? How do you work through it?

57.   What do you consider your role to be in marriage?

58.   What are your hopes and dreams for the future?

59.   What would be a justifiable reason to consider divorce?

60.   How do you feel about sarcasm in relationships?

61.   Do you feel like you manipulate people?

62.   Are you now currently struggling with pornography?

63.   When was the last time you saw pornography? And what did you do about it?

64.   What are you doing to protect yourself from pornography?

65.   What will you do to protect your future family from pornography?

66.   What do you fear about being in a relationship?

67.   What are your insecurities?

68.   Do you struggle with depression?

69.   How important is it to you to get your way?

70.   Is there anything that I should be aware of from your past?

71.   Have you ever been abused?

72.   What has been one of your happiest experiences?

73.   What has brought you the greatest sense of sorrow or loss?

74.   How much of a temper do you feel you have?

75.   What is your greatest fear about getting married?

76.   What is your greatest excitement about getting married?

77.   What are your feelings about serving a mission?

78.   Does it make a difference to you as to the kind of car you drive and the type of house you live in?

79.   Are you a saver or a spender?

80.   How much do you want to travel?

81.   Should children pay for their own missions and/or college?

82.   What do you consider quality time together?

83.   Are you comfortable having separate and independent friendships?

84.   Are you comfortable showing affection in public?

85.   How important are birthdays and holidays?

86.   Where will we spend our holidays?

87.   How important are your hobbies to you?

88.   How important are pets to you?

89.   Do you struggle with jealousy?

90.   What was your childhood like?

91.   Describe your high school experience.

92.   What would you change about your dating history?

93.   What have you learned from your dating history?

94.   How do you feel about dressing modestly?

95.   How do you feel the Sabbath day should be spent?

96.   Do you feel it is OK to watch sports on Sunday?

97.   Do you feel it is OK for your children to play sports on Sunday?

98.   Are you comfortable with your emotions?

99.   Who is your most significant relationship with?

100.Do you consider yourself a positive person?

101.Would you rather read a book or watch TV?

102.Are there any health concerns you have that would affect our relationship?

103.How important is shopping to you?

104.How important are sports to you?

105.Describe your dream-wedding day.

106.Where do you want to go on a honeymoon?

107.How much should we spend on a honeymoon?

108.Does it matter to you how much is spent on an engagement ring?

109.Do you want a reception?

110.Can my weird Uncle Frank play “Wind Beneath My Wings” on his accordion at our reception?

111.How do you resolve conflict? i.e. how do you fight?

112.What are some of your strengths in communication?

113.What are some of your weaknesses in communication?

114.What are some traits you possess that you think will contribute to you being a good spouse?

115.What are some traits you possess that you think will contribute to you being a good Father/Mother?

116.What is your greatest strength?

117.What is your greatest weakness?

118.What do you love about me the most?

119.How do you know this is the “real thing”?

Relationships

DATING AFTER A MISSION

I do not worry about you young men who have recently returned from the mission field. You know as well as I what you ought to do. It is your responsibility and opportunity, under the natural process of dating and courting, to find a wonderful companion and marry in the house of the Lord. Don't rush it unduly and don't delay it unduly. "Marry in haste and repent at leisure" is an old proverb that still has meaning in our time. But do not dally along in a fruitless, frustrating, and frivolous dating game that only raises hopes and brings disappointment and in some cases heartache. (President Hinckley Ensign, June 1989 p . 72)

HOW TO ACT IN DATING

...you young men must cultivate a considerate attitude toward women of all ages. The young women asked me to tell you that they want you to respect them and show them common, sincere courtesy. Do not hesitate to show your good manners by opening a door for them, taking the initiative in inviting them on a date, and standing as they enter a room. Believe it or not, in this age of equal rights, the young women want you to extend these simple courtesies (Elder Ballard, Ensign, November 1990, p 37)

Young men should keep their faces shaved, their hair combed, their haircuts reasonably conservative, their nails cleaned. Over tight, suggestive pants brand young men as vulgar. Young people can be smart and personable, dignified and attractive by finding an area somewhere less than the extremes and still in good style. (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball p 287)

Let the sisters take care of themselves, and make themselves beautiful, and if any of you are so superstitious and ignorant as to say that this is pride, I can say that you are not informed as

to the pride which is sinful before the Lord, you are also ignorant as to the excellency of the heavens, and of the beauty which dwells in the society of the Gods. Were you to see an angel, you would see a beautiful and lovely creature. Make yourselves like angels in goodness and beauty. (Brigham Young Discourses of Brigham Young p. 215)

To be overdressed, to be gaudily dressed, to be dressed to look sexy, to be overdecorated is bad taste, to say the least. The young women is smart who can do just enough powder and lipstick to convince the fellow it isn’t makeup at all, but the “real you.” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 287)

Yes, men are attracted by beauty, and thousands are ensnared by it. There are thousands of men who look for nothing else and who desire nothing else but to have their senses pleased or their passions gratified. These outward adornments will satisfy and only outward adornments will retain. When beauty fades, the passion seeks for gratification elsewhere. ‘Beauty is only skin-deep,’ and when outward adornment is all a girl possesses, the admiration she calls forth is even more shallow than her beauty (President David O McKay Gospel Ideals 450)

There is a beauty every girl has – a gift from God, as pure as the sunlight, and as sacred as life. It is a beauty that all men love, a virtue that wins all men’s souls. That beauty is chastity. Chastity without skin beauty may enkindle the soul; skin beauty without chastity can kindle only the eye. Chastity enshrined in the mold of true womanhood will hold true love eternally. (President David O McKay Gospel Ideals 450)

I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife. (Richard G. Scott Apr CR 1999)

“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price (Spencer W. Kimball, BYU Devotional, Sept 7, 1976)

We have no scriptural justification, however, for the belief that we had the privilege of choosing our parents and our life companions in the spirit world. This belief has been advocated by some, and it is possible that in some instances it is true, but it would require too great a stretch of the imagination to believe it to be so in all, or even in the majority of cases. Most likely we came where those in authority decided to send us. (Joseph Fielding Smith ways to perfection p.44)

THE DECISION TO MARRY

Well, do you want a wife…You go to work, and you use the agency and power and ability that God has given you. You use every faculty, you get all the judgment that you can centered on the problem, you make up your own mind, and then to be sure that you don’t err, you counsel with the Lord. You talk it over. You say, “this is what I think; what do you think?” And

if you get the calm, sweet surety that come only from the Holy Spirit, you know you’ve reached the right conclusion; but if there’s anxiety and uncertainty in your heart, then you’d better start over, because the Lord’s hand is not in it, and you’re not getting the ratifying seal that, as a member of the Church who has the gift of the Holy Ghost, you are entitled to receive. (Bruce R. McConkie)

If a revelation is outside the limits of stewardship, you know it is not from the Lord, and you are not bound by it. I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. She should seek her own guidance and make up her own mind. The man can receive revelation to guide his own actions, but he cannot properly receive revelation to direct hers. She is outside his stewardship (Elder Dallin H. Oaks.

PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP, WHATS OKAY

(What’s being moral?)

Kissing has been prostituted and has degenerated to develop an express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness. (Teachings of the Prophet Spencer W. Kimball p. 281)

What is miscalled the “soul kiss” is an abomination and stirs passions to the eventual loss of virtue…If the “soul kiss” with its passion were eliminated from dating there would be an immediate upswing in chastity and honor, with fewer illegitimate babies, fewer unwed mothers…fewer unhappy people. (Teaching of President Spencer W. Kimball 281)

Necking and petting are wrong. Instead of remaining in the field of simple expressions of affection, some have turned themselves loose to fondling, often called “necking,” with its intimate contacts and its passionate kissing. Necking is the younger member of this unholy family. Its bigger sister is called “petting.” When the intimacies have reached this stage, they are surely the sins condemned by the Savior. (Teachings of the Prophet Spencer W. Kimball p. 280)

Question: They always tell us we shouldn’t become sexually involved, but they never tell us the limits. What are they?

Answer: Any sexual intimacy outside of the bonds of marriage--I mean any intentional contact with the sacred, private parts of another’s body, with or without clothing-- is a sin and is forbidden by God. It is also a transgression to intentionally stimulate these emotions within your own body. Satan tempts one to believe that there are allowable levels of physical contact between consenting individuals who seek the powerful stimulation of emotions they produce, and if kept within bounds, no harm will result. As a witness of Jesus Christ, I testify that is absolutely false. Satan particularly seeks to tempt one who has lived a pure, clean life to experiment through magazines, videocassettes, or movies with powerful images of a woman’s body. He wants to stimulate appetite to cause experimentation that quickly results in intimacies and defilement. Powerful habits are formed which are difficult to break. Mental and emotional scars result. (Richard G. Scott, Ensign, November 1994, p. 38)

Many youth have been led to believe that sexual intimacy is "not that bad" as long as it does not involve the act that could cause pregnancy. That is false. Sexual intimacy in any of its forms, outside the covenant of marriage, is serious sin. Serious sin is addictive. It forges binding habits that are difficult to sever (Richard G. Scott CR Oct 2000 34).

When we were created, Father in Heaven put in our body the capacity to stir powerful emotions…There are men, and unfortunately some women, who experiment with stimulating those emotions by influences outside of the covenant of marriage. There is a difference between love and lust…lust will destroy that which is enriching and beautiful. (Richard G. Scott Apr CR 2000)

Natural and good feelings draw men and women together…You should be attracted to one another and to marry. Then, and only then, may you worthily respond to the strong and good and constant desire to express that love through which children will bless your lives. By

commandment of God our Father, that must happen only between husband and wife.. (Boyd K. Packer CR Oct 2000 94).

- - - -

Young men, may I plead with you to keep yourself morally clean? Revere womanhood. May I remind you of what our youth repeated some years ago as a slogan in the MIA. It was a quotation from a portion of a message of the First Presidency particularly to servicemen in military service during some of these strenuous, difficult times through which you and others like you have lived.

This is what the First Presidency wrote:

How glorious and near to the angels is youth that is clean. This youth has joy unspeakable here and eternal happiness hereafter. Sexual purity is youth's most precious possession. It is the foundation of all righteousness Better dead clean, than alive unclean. (Harold B. Lee, Stand Ye In Holy Places, p.376)

It is not the soil of earth or the grease on a person’s hands that defile him; nor is it the …accumulated perspiration from honest toil, or the body odor resulting from heavy work. One may bathe hourly, perfume oneself often, have hair shampooed frequently, have finger nails manicured daily, and be a master at soft-spoken utterances, and still be as filthy as hell’s cesspools. What defiles is sin, and especially sexual sin (Spencer W. Kimball Miracle of forgiveness p. 62)

SATAN’S TRAPS THAT LEAD TO IMMORALITY

(and how to protect against them)

David tarried still at Jerusalem. Then as you know, came the lustful view from the roof and all the sadness that followed. Implicit, therefore, in the instruction “stand ye in holy places is to avoid indulgent tarrying (Neal A. Maxwell CR Oct 2001)

Those who live after the manner of happiness also wisely develop protective, spiritual manners. The manners are reflected in their proper dress, language, humor, and music. (Neal A. Maxwell CR Oct 2001)

Some foolishly think a little lewd dancing is harmless. These individuals do not sin ignorantly. By imitating and by underestimating the enemy, they end up compromising themselves while confusing and disappointing their friends. (Neal A. Maxwell CR Oct 2001)

Ever wonder why the sensual scene so often features flashing but fading lights? Or why all the reinforcing glitz? Or why all the loudness masquerading as music? Because, fearful of the dawn, evil cannot stand the steady scrutiny of bright truth, nor can it endure the quiet reflections of soul-searching!

Thus the drumbeat of desensitization deadens the tastebuds of the soul …and victims sadly become past feeling (Neal A. Maxwell CR Oct 2001)

LOVE VS LUST

The lustful person will usually be found to have a terrible hollowness at the center of his life…lust is not interested in its partners, but only in the gratification of its own cravings…lust dies at the next dawn, and when it returns in the evening, to search where it may, it is with its own past erased (Neal A. Maxwell CR Oct 2001)

Lust is no substitute for love; actually, brothers and sisters, it chokes out the development of real love, causing “the love of many to wax cold” No wonder we are told to bridle all our passions, that we may be filled with love. Otherwise, oozing passions fill the available soul space, and double occupancy is not possible. (Neal A. Maxwell CR Oct 2001)

REPENTING & OVERCOMING MORAL SIN

For a moment I speak to anyone who has succumbed to serious temptation. Please stop now. You can do it with the help from an understanding parent, bishop, or stake president. Serious transgression such as immorality requires the help of one who holds keys of authority, such as a bishop or stake president, to quietly work out the repentance process to make sure that it is complete and appropriately done. Do not make the mistake to believe that because you have confessed a serious transgression, you have repented of it. That is an essential step, but it is not all that is required. Nor assume that because someone did not ask you all the important detail of a transgression, that you need not mention them. You personally must make sure that the bishop or stake president understands those details so that he can help you properly through the process of repentance for full forgiveness (Richard G. Scott CR cot 1998 89).

To you is extended the peace and renewal of repentance available through the atoning sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ. In such serious matters the path of repentance is not easily begun or painlessly traveled.. But the savior of the world will walk that essential journey with you. He will strengthen you when you waver,. He will be your light when it seems most dark. He will take your hand and be your hope when hope seems all you have left. His compassion and mercy, with all their cleansing and healing power, are freely given to all who truly wish complete forgiveness and will take the steps that lead to it (Jeffrey R. Holland