Good afternoon, it is Sunday, April 19,2009 and I am sitting on my couch in my little house in Waldport, Oregon. This is the first time I have tried to use my lap computer and I am holding it on my lap. What a great new experience for me although I am sure that none of my children or grandchildren can possibly understand that I feel that this is almost a miracle since I grew up in the typewriter age and only tried the electric typewriter in the 1950’s. I clearly remember that John and I bought our children (except Jennifer, she wanted a sewing machine) for high school graduation so they could take it to college. I only imagine Jenny sewed her college papers together. Although what I am about to write will probably not be interesting to anyone but me I feel compelled to write about my feelings. It has been a very hard time mentally for me in the last 3 years and 11 months, of course I am referring to the deaths of my wonderful husband John and my beautiful son Daniel. Only others who have experienced the same sadness know how I feel. I truly pray daily that none of my family will have to go through such a sorrow. I am crying as I write this, but only for my own catharsis and not for sympathy. Because I want to remember this beautiful day I am going to relate what I am seeing at this specific moment. Since my house is on the beach I am fortunate to be able to look out of my living room window and see the glorious Pacific Ocean, deep blue with white waves coming and landing on the sand soaked beach. At the same time two other events are occurring, the first is there is single man with his dog standing at the edge of the water and the man is throwing an object into the water where the waves are breaking and the dog is running as fast as he can to retrieve the object before the wave crashes and bring it back to his owner, Guess what? He made it. The other neat thing is that a man and a small child are trying to get a multicolored kite with a curly yellow tail into the air, it stays up for about 3 minutes and then crashes but they keep trying. It reminds me of the many times we (meaning John and the 4 kids) stood in the pony ring at home with a kite and I would try so many times to get it in the air and was nearly always 2.
April 20.2009 Today I watched T.V. and it stated the temperature was going to be in the 80’s inland and along the beach in the 70’s. Because I am in Waldport,Oregon that is great weather so I hurried and got outside to walk to find out that the weather was so foggy that I could barely see the ocean and since my little house is on the beach that is strange. Anyway I bundled up and walked on the street to the Club House which is about a mile away and went on the treadmill for 25 minutes and then decided to walk back to my house via the beach. By this time it was around 1 P.M. and as I walked the beach I could only see about 30 feet ahead of me. It was extremely strange as I walked within 30 feet of the water sometimesI could barely see it. The fog rolled continually across me, at first I thought it was the sand, but then noticed I was not getting any sand on me. It is about a mile that I walked back to my house and for the first time it became very eerie and no one else was walking on the beach and I thought about what if I fell and could not get up and realized that I had my whistle which the girls in the office had given me and for the first time I took it and blew a fast blast to see if it worked, it did, and then I tucked it away and although no one came to the beach after I blew it I feel if I did need help that I would continue to blow it and eventually someone would find me so now I will always carry it when I am by myself. It is now about a 4 P.M. and I just looked out the window,the wind is blowing and I can’t even see the water this is really strange, not scary, so I think it is telling me, stay in and start writing places I have visited, so here goes.
My first trip to Mazatlan took place in July 1955. My girlfriend Thelma was from San Pedro,California just 5 miles from where I had grown up in Wilmington. I had been in B’nai B'rith Girls with her when I was in high school and the previous year we had vacationed in Hawaii. I was in the final months of my nursing school and wanted to travel to go on a cheap vacation to Acapulco, Mexico. My nursing school friends Etta Lou and Marsh also wanted to go so I called Thelma (she had a car) and so she took the bait. We loaded up the car,had no air conditioning so found a window air cooler and took off to travel thousands of miles with very little money and doing absolutely no research. We stopped at a small pueblo a couple hundred miles from the U.S. border and found there was no place to sleep except on the beach. It was around 100 degrees in the evening and since we didn’t have any sleeping bags we took towels and slept on them. We met some Mexican college boys and they were going to Matzalan and they told us to follow them which naturally we did. In Matzalan we found a nice and cheap hotel, bathed and went to dinner. We had been eating sandwiches and cokes that we had brought with us from the States and were eager for a regular meal. The boys (I think they were 19 or 20 years old) met us later that evening and I think we went dancing, strictly platonic. They stated they were students and were on their way back home and to top it off they were from Guadalajara and we could follow them and could see the house that one of their fathers was building and also would take us through the hospital that his father owned. We got to see both. The house was 90% completed, with high cathedral ceilings, marble floor (imported from Italy) beautiful chandeliers, etc. It was probably 5,000 square feet or more and blew my mind as I had never been in a house like that as I had grown up in a small working town where the largest house probably was about 1200 square feet. The hospital was fairly small (compared to the County hospital where I trained) but was spotless as far as cleanliness and we were shown a laboratory the likes that we did not know could exist. His father was not there and the staff told us he was at the Mayo Clinic giving a lecture. It was a highlight for the 3 of us who were nurses but looking back it probably bored Thelma as she was going to college to be a teacher. We found a hotel to stay in and never saw the boys again. What a perfect introduction to the great city of Guadalajara.
Guadalajara, Mexico was not what any of us expected – again it was 1955, T.V. had not become “worldly” yet. The only thing on T.V. was cartoons, variety shows and daily soap operas. To say the least it was a cultural shock to find out that it was a large city as we really expected a medium sized pueblo. Our visit to the Cathedral was unbelievable. Never had any of us even been in a cathedral--nevertheless here we were. From the last pew in the back you could hardly see the alter. Along both sides of the outer aisle there were rooms holding enormous caskets, some with small furniture and pictures on the walls. All of these “rooms” had large iron gates with massive locks of which it appeared were dotted with gold. On the wall next to the gates there was a bronze plate telling who was buried within and in many cases it was more than one person. It was also in Spanish so we really didn’t get to know too much about the individuals. The alter was mammoth and had so much gold on the statues and Catholic symbols that we were mesmerized. All of a sudden as we were standing in the front pew we noticed several people crawling on their hands and knees and bringing offerings (mostly pesos) to the alter and giving it to the priest who was standing with a collection tray near the stairs that led up to the alter. After the people crawled this enormous way from the entrance of the church we watched them as they returned the same way. It appeared that all the people we saw were very poor people and we were told they were offering what they could for the Church. Besides all the objects covered in gold we noted the stained glass windows were enormous and represented different times in the life of Jesus and his disciples. Again gold was present. Looking up at the ceiling was amazing and I wondered how anybody could paint lying on their backs and produce such great and enormous works of art. The hardest part for all of us was when we left the Church and saw all the poverty surrounding the area, children malnourished and realizing that one gold goblet could feed so many of them probably for a long time that it made us very sad. Before going to Mexico in the 50’s I had no idea that there were only two economic factors elsewhere, the very rich and the very poor. There was no middle class. Is there today, I really don’t know.
London,England 1974--Julie and I were on our way home after visiting my brother Bob, my sister-in-law Joanie and my nephew in Israel. We had a two day lay-over in London before returning to the U.S. We found a room in a very small hotel and when we went to our room we found it so very small that it had no closet, bathroom and we had just enough room to put our suitcases down and climb into a double bed. At least it was clean. Well since it was so light outside, around 6.00 P.M. we decided to explore London at night. Of course we started out by getting on a bus and realized that we didn’t get the name or address of the hotel but I told Julie don’t worry I would be able to find it later. For the next several hours we became tourists and begin checking out the restaurants at which time we got hungry and ate at Wimpy’s. High class for us. It was a sit down inside place. Well the only thing that I can remember is the one thing we did order was French fries. Of course we put ketchup on plates and using our fingers picked the fries up in our hands, dipped them in the ketchup and ate them. All of a sudden we felt all the customers' eyes on us and giving us disgusting looks. We didn’t know why this was happening. A little later we started watching other people eating fries and noted they were using a fork and knife, cutting them in bite size pieces and using a fork to put them in their mouth. I guess that’s why at that time Americans were being crude regarding their table manners. Years later when I had returned to London I noticed the British in fast food places had accepted our way of eating fries. Twenty five years later when John and I were in Holland we noticed the Dutch were using forks and knives to eat fries and also they cut their sandwiches and ate them with a fork. We followed their ways. Also I remember when our friends came to visit us in the U.S. we took them to a Kosher restaurant in L.A. and we ordered corned beef on rye and the couple started cutting their sandwiches with a knife to eat it with a fork at which time we informed them that the proper way to eat this sandwich in the States was to pick it up and chomp it down. They did it and the woman thought it was great but her husband was a little upset about picking it up in his hands, but he did it. Now that I have done both sides of this eating tradition, I do know it is hard to change your habits. Well now that I have diversed from going into the city at night and enjoying it, I noticed it was 11 P.M. and was shocked it was still light out, it reminded me of twilight and at the time decided we better find out way back to the hotel. I really believe I must have some higher power that always seems to help me find my way to where I am going as I don’t use a compass or maps but rely on my eyesight because I found the right bus and got off within 2 blocks of this very small hotel. It was still light outside and when I approached the desk clerk and told her I was happy to get back before dark she explained to me at this time of year (late June) it never gets dark in London. Up until then I had no idea we were so far up North and again found this out when I went to Barrow, Alaska in August and experienced 24 hours of day light. Well enough of that bit of information. The next day we went to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace and it was just like we had seen it in movies. The best part was when my beautiful daughter wanted to know when the Queen was going to come out on the balcony and wave to us. I still smile today when I think about that remark. She was very disappointed. Next we walked over to Hyde Park which is very large and beautiful. There were many young couples lying on blankets,etc. We found a unique tea room in the park and went in for tea and crumpets. At the table next to us sat 2 men with one of them crying and the other trying to comfort him and had his arm around him. We had no idea what was going on when along came an elderly woman with a closed umbrella in her hand and when she was walking near their table she banged her umbrella on their table and told them they should be ashamed of themselves and then she continued walking to her table. The men got up and left. I can’t believe this would have happened in the States but no one except us seemed to notice what had happened. We then went to Westminster Abbey and again it blew my mind as I had no idea how mammoth it was as when we came in from the front entrance we could barely see the end of the church. In fact it has several small alters within the Church and at the time one service was being attended by about a hundred people. We were told we could walk around inside but we had to stay near the exterior walls. All the stained windows represent mostly religious themes but behind the main alter there was a stained glass window that depicted our astronauts landing on the moon and beneath it a tribute to the U.S. for obtaining this goal. Along the way there were alcoves where British Royalty were buried and also prominent English statesmen. We were also able to hear the great and magnificent organ playing during our visit. After that we visited the famous wax museum (I think it.s called Madame Toussand) and there were only about 20 people visiting that day so we had plenty of time to spend looking at all the figures. They did scare us once when we thought it was a wax figure and then it moved. Part of the employees fun was to scare the tourists. It worked. The last place I can remember visiting that day was Trafalger Square – I really didn’t know what to expect but I remember my Dad singing a World War I song about it so I knew it was famous. Well Julie and I found it and it was a circle in the middle of the street and consisted on several steps leading to the top which I think was some form of statue at the top. But what I really remember is that there were dozens of youngsters and young people sitting or lying on the steps, eating or drinking or just hanging out. Not what I expected to see but an everlasting vision in my mind. At the present time I can not remember anything else that day except we must have retrieved our suitcases at the hotel and taken off for the airiport.
Today is Saturday,April 25, 2009. Yesterday my friends Ruth and her daughter Barbara were leaving my little house in Oregon after spending 24 hours with me, as they were loading their car I was standing on my porch and immediately saw 2 horses, completely saddled racing down the beach. A hour before I had seen 2 men riding these horses and was totally frightened to see the saddles empty, knowing that both men had to have fallen off. I yelled at the horses from my porch (how they heard me I will never know) and they immediately saw me and I started running down the path to the beach at which time they turned and came up to the path to my house. Somehow they stopped a few feet from me (thank God or else they would have run over me) and I was able to grab the bridle and started walking one down the driveway at which time Barbara came from the car and was able to get the other horse by the bridle. We walked the horses for about 5 minutes and then she held both of them while I ran down to the beach to see if I could find the riders, no sign of anyone, I then called the rental office and asked if they knew anyone who had horses nearby and was informed that horses were not allowed on the beach and I should call the humane society. As I was contemplating my next step we took the bridles from around their neck and were holding them by the porch, they had quited down and were no longer sweating. Just then I saw the 2 male riders walking on the beach looking for their horses and they saw me wave to them and I believe I saw relief on their faces. As they approached me I saw that they were all right physically but I am sure they were slightly embarrassed. The story is that one approached a sand dune and the horse “tripped in it and fell down. The other rider jumped off to help his friend and the two horses spooked and took off together down the beach. Then a woman appeared on my driveway and she told me one of the men was her husband and she lived 6 doors down from me and the other man had trailered the horses 50 miles away from his ranch so they could go riding on the beach. I have a feeling they will not be doing this again for a long time. Anyway t he men got back on their horses, thanked me and I saw them walk their horses very slowly back down to their trailer. Thinking about it today I really can thank my John for teaching me how to approach runaway horses and am sure he is looking down at me today and saying “good job Barbarita” and I am smiling.
Monday, April 26,2009 I am going to put down some places and events that I want to remember.This way I can refer to my list. 1 –day that Kennedy was killed 2 – Oceanside rentors were sick John’s compassion 3 – Bert’s daughter out of control in Vista – chair
4 – Fallbrook – suicide – boobs - tetanus - taught how to deliver joining labor union
5 – First trip –not married to Catalina baseball field 6 – running for student body position first anti-semitic statement – boss at Allied Jew down 7 – Trip Jen’s b-day light house,etc.
My Dad was in St. Mary’s Hospital in Long Beach, California in the Intensive Care Unit – he had emergency surgery for a mass surrounding his large intestine and wound up in a coma for days and when he was able to to talk he was very incoherent. I visited him daily and left the hospital around noon. I stopped at a service station to get gas and the attendant started filling my tank and said to me isn’t terrible about the President = I had not turned on the radio and asked him what he was talking about and he informed me that President Kennedy had been shot while riding in a car in Texas. Needless to say this was hard to comprehend – I turned the radio on as I started driving home to Garden Grove – it was on every station and was reported he had been riding in a convertible in a parade in Dallas and had been shot in the head and had been taken to a hospital and was presently in surgery. It was reported that they thought the gunshot had come from a window in a building as the car passed by and the police were searching the area right now. I picked up Barry from nursery school, Danny and Jenny from Carolyn’s and got home , turned on the T.V only to find out that President Kennedy had died. Within the hour John had come home from work and it was the first time I had ever seen him so emotionally upset. He said he had to leave work as he couldn’t believe this could have happened in the United States. At this time I have to let you know why this president was so special to us. First he was the youngest president we ever had, he was the first Catholic to be elected president, his wife was young and he had 2 children under 5 years of age. He had also stood up against Castro in the Cuban Missille crisis. We listened for the first time in our lives to every speech he made and like the rest of the country felt he was somehow part of out family. How could this happen to our president – the country was in shock and in deep mourning. Schools and many businesses closed for 3 days. On the day of the funeral we were glued to the T.V. as was the rest of the country and the world. John wrote a letter to President Johnson, (he had taken the oath within an hour after Kennedy was pronounced dead on the Presidential plane with his wife and Jackie Kennedy present and had flown back to Washington D.C.) in which he stated his support for Johnson during this critical time . I never had seen John so moved. It was a time in my life that I hope it will never be repeated. .
April 30, 2009 I am still in Oregon and hardly can believe this weather . The words that come to my mind are “it is a day the Lord hath made and rejoice within” probably not ex-actly the right words but for me they will do. Let me tell you what I see. The sky is a light blue with a few feathery white clouds. The ocean is a beautiful medium-dark blue and there is only one small wave about 10 feet from the shore and the wave hitting the shore line looks just inches high. There is one small boat in front of my window probably a mile out and I think on the horizon there might be a freighter but it very miniscule to my eyes. The seagrass in front of my house is only slightly waving and the strangest thing I am noticing is that I don’t see any birds and I don’t know if this is a good sign or a warning sign that something is about to happen like maybe a tsunami, no not really only trying to make this a little colorful. Whoops a little bird just flew by so I guess this scene is about to change.
The year was 1955 and I had my first job as an R.N. at Mt. Sinai Hospital. John was still in nursing school at Orange County Hospital but had every week-end off. He called me that he was coming up to see me on a Saturday night in Hollywood and I informed him that I was volunteering at a Red Cross blood bank at a church so I wouldn’t be able to see him. The facility would be obtaining blood from early evening until around 10 P.M. We were winding down around 9 P.M. when they told me we had a few late arrivals. A person sat down at my station and as I started to put the blood pressure cuff on his arm the shock of looking into this face nearly through me for a loop. Of course it was my John at which time I asked him what was he doing here and he responded he just came to see me and they had him fill out papers and he guessed he had to give blood in order to see me. We both laughed, I took his blood and needless to say we spent the rest of the night together. When I think about it now I realize he really did miss me during the week. Remembering some of these encounters makes me feel good.
A very special person was my husband John – we owned a small house on 2/3 of an acre in Oceanside next to an industrial area. It was a old beat up house and I wanted to tear it down but John insisted it could be fixed up and a family who didn’t have much would at least have a roof over their head. He added a new room and made it the kitchen, painted and put carpet in the 2 bedroom house put on a new roof and found a family with three little children. He wasn’t interested in recuperating his investment just wanted to give a family some shelter. He only charged then $75.00 a month, no security deposit, no first and last months rent, he just said pay me weekly when you get a paycheck. Well they had lived there about 6 months and had really fallen way behind in their rent so John telephoned then around 8 P.M. one night to see what was happening and the man told him that the whole family had been sick for days and he was unable to work and could not afford to go to the doctors and they had little food in the house. As soon as he hung up the phone he told me to gather up asperin, Tylenol, antibiotics, pepto bismol, blankets, toilet paper, Kleenex, Vicks salve, soft drinks, soup peanut butter, bread and any other can food that could be fixed easily be someone who wasn’t feeling good. I remember loading the car up to the hilt.
Next move, we drove to the rental house. We got there and not a light on. I was a little apprehensive but John walked right up to the door and knocked until the father of the family opened the door, John told him to turn on the lights and in we walked. We found the whole family in their pajamas lying in their beds. It was a very sad sight. I immediately took their temperatures and blood pressures and listened to their lungs and realized they had bad colds but thankful no pneumonia. We left all the things we had brought minus the antibiotics and instructed them what to do. Of course John told them to forget about the rent and to call us if they weren’t better in the next few days. We left and went home, took showers and went to bed, just another day in the life of Mr. John Browne