27/02/2026
Jeez, it's been a while huh? Sorry about the break. It actually has me thinking a bit more about my creative process and how I do things, because I thought from the jump that this was something I was going to be a lot more consistent with but it turns out that it's the same as everything else I do. Which is - I can only do stuff when an idea randomly pops into my head for it. I have never been able to sit down and say "Okay, now I need to do this". It's just never been doable for me. Instead I get flashes of inspiration at random points in the day, and much like Triplet, the notes app on my phone is always ready. Sometimes I get no inspiration at all. I have a project sitting in Davinci resolve that should have been completed in AUGUST 2025 but I just havent touched it since starting it because I have absolutely no ideas for it. It's the same for most things with me. Any personal project I do, I really have to just randomly think about it, and then as soon as I do, rush to get those ideas down or else I might not think about it again for a long while. It's a very silly process, but it's the only way I've ever been able to get things done is if they interest me specifically in that moment. Obviously there are a lot of moments where I dont think about things haha. But generally when Im writing these I see myself as a cameraman or as you know, the silent observant friend in a friend group. The conversation just happens and flows naturally in my head, and I get it down a sentence at a time. As always the hardest thing is getting a random idea and starting, because once I start, the ideas and sentences flow very naturally to me. Yet again, Im kinda struggling on what to put in the Side stories section and what to put in the main stories section. The difference is a very blurred line to me, probably because I think every little thing is important because they are my characters and mean a lot to me. I am really trying to make the split effective though. The great news about doing this, is that doing this personal project and being excited for it has got me excited to work on a lot of my other personal projects which is amazing news. People might think "Hey how many personal projects do you have? Are you overworking? Will you be splitting time and contributing to this less due to that?". The answer is I have quite a few personal projects because I tend to have quite a lot of ideas! Some might say Im overworking myself but genuinely, like I said at the start I only am able to contribute to them when my brain has a random idea that works for one. So no, I wont be contributing less to this due to that. I'll be contributing exactly the same amount as I always have, which is whenever my brain randomly decides on a story to tell I'll write it down. How intermittent that is, who knows? I certainly don't. I hope you've all been enjoying the stories and the AU so far! Ive actually started spreading it around to a few more people in the community which is super scary but also very exciting. Like I said, I hope you're all enjoying so far. Feel free to send me messages about the stories and look forward to upcoming ones! I'll try and keep you all more updated and write in the logbook more consistently. Thank you!
The Fall Of Troy - FCPREMIX
Always You - We Were Sharks
Those Without - Took Your Chance
FigureItOut - Endless Nights
First And Forever - Nothing Left To Burn
GRIND FICTION. PASSION AND ENERGY FOREVER. NO NOCHALANT VIBES.
TRYING TO FILL THE NOTHING BY BEING AS LOUD AS WE CAN.
13/02/2026
PHEW! The longest main story and side story yet just released. And with that the backstories of the main 6 and how they joined the band are complete. Honestly, it's kinda a struggle to figure out what stories I want to be "MAIN" stories from here. I know the origins of everyone are all important though. It's sometimes a struggle to figure out the direction I want to go with all of this. I guess I'll figure it out as I go! Yes, I still haven't thought of a name for the band yet! I have a story coming up actually about that, and the running gag is that they all suggest a band or group names that I used to or am currently a part of, so a little bit of 12hakobydeath lore there for you! I wanted to use this space really quickly to talk a little bit about my personal ideology. It feels weird to do that since it doesn't relate to the AU at all but I said I'd be honest here and it feels honest to do that. My biggest motto is "Outplay opponents and win games". Seems like a silly motto since it feels like it only applies to certain things but it really doesn't. See, I like to think everyone is competitive. When someone tells me "oh I'm not a competitive person", I just tend not to believe that. They just haven't found the thing they want to compete in yet. Competition applies to everything. You want a job? You're competing with others. Your CV, your portfolio, your cover letter has to be better than theirs. That's competition. Do you want a promotion at your job? You'll have to compete with others for it. Let's say you knit as a hobby and make a scarf for your friend. Your friend says it's really good and you should start an online store on Etsy or something for your knitting. Now you're competing against every other seller on the platform. For me, I like applying it to menial things, because your opponent could be absolutely anything. You have homework you don't want to do? That's the opponent. Outplay the opponent, win games. You don't want to get out of bed in the morning? Outplay the opponent and win games. The reason this helps me a lot is because well, the feeling of winning is awesome. Winning through your own hard work gives you a dopamine rush unlike anything else ever. As someone who has actively been in competition for multiple things, I can say that feeling, once you have that moment, is unlike anything else. You'll be chasing that feeling for the rest of your life. It is amazing. I guess the reason this works for someone like me is that if I treat something as an opponent my brain remembers the dopamine rush I get from winning other things and then wants to do it more to get that. "But what if I don't win, surely treating it this way will make me more upset, because I'm putting pressure on myself to win". I guess so. But if that happens that loss becomes part of your mental. You learn, you adapt from that experience. Then when you win next time, it feels all the better. Getting my first win in Offline Tekken tournaments after going 0-2 for years is a feeling unlike anything I can describe. All those losses over the years just became part of my happiness at that moment. A lot of people would ask the question "well what if the opponent is just stronger". Through many years of competition I can tell you, there's always a way to win. The opponents physically stronger? Play smarter. The opponents smarter? Play unpredictable. The opponent is all of the above? Play your best. Just don't leave with regrets. There's so many times I've lost my match against my depression to get out of bed in the morning. Sure it does make me feel worse that I can't even do that. But I was already feeling awful anyways. Not really much lost. It just makes the days when I do get out of bed feel all the better. I dunno, I really like my little motto. It's something I think about often. Anyway the songs for today.
The Gospel Youth - Stay Positive
Eliza and the Bear - Make It On My Own
You vs Yesterday - Remember This
Goalkeeper - Sunshine
GRIND FICTION. PASSION AND ENERGY FOREVER. NO NOCHALANT VIBES.
TRYING TO FILL THE NOTHING BY BEING AS LOUD AS WE CAN.
10/02/2026
Just published the longest stories of the AU yet, and some with some strong backstory implications! At the start I was writing shorter stories, not really understanding how deep I wanted to go with this. Kind of playing it safe to make sure, I don't know that because the stories are so short, there could only be so many bad mistakes or bad ideas in them. But I've started to care about the characters I've created and the world I've built. I care about the storyline. Kind of like when your D and D character finally gets killed after a 2 year campaign or when you start having your favourite Pokémon during a nuzlocke. Despite them not being real or in any way official or something I should really care about, I have really started liking spending time with them. So I started caring about the overall continuity of my AU. To care about a storyline in that way means I have to write longer stories. I have to fill out the world and the people in it and make them feel real. Like actual people with actual problems that you can relate to. Sometimes I really doubt myself and start thinking "What if my writing is bland? What if my characters are boring?". But then I realise that hey if I've got this far and am continuing to write, then I must be doing something correctly to want to keep doing it. I am enjoying it and have at least a bit of confidence that I like doing it and will keep doing it. That's always a good sign. I smile when I write a new story and I think even if someone told me if wasn't good, I'd probably keep doing it anyway, which is awesome. Confidence is a wonderful thing, I wish I had more of it haha! One thing I'm not confident in is writing romance though. A lot of the recent stories have had slight romance hints and I'm becoming very worried that I'm writing it all completely wrong. I do think however, that the relationships between the characters would lead themselves to those sort of emotions evolving, so it really doesn't feel right to exclude them if it feels like it comes naturally. Romance is actually one of my favourite genres to read, especially in manga form. It's always feel good or bittersweet and hits some amazing emotional tones. I hope that I can do that with my writing too! Sometimes I do think I'm leaning into a trope of some sort, but if I chose to think that's how the character would interact with the situation, then that's what they should do because they are my characters and I created them! So whatever I think is right for them to do should be written down on the page. I forget they are my original characters sometimes, it feels like they have evolved a lot from when I first thought them up. It feels scary somehow, like I need to write them for someone else or how someone else would want them or see them. I think I just want to make the past me that made these characters proud of what they have become and that's why I feel like I am writing for someone else sometimes. But I need to remember that no matter what these guys are still mine. They're my ideas and if I choose to change them and evolve them over time, then that is fine, because they are mine. It's all about what the current me thinks is correct for right now, not what past me would have thought if I changed something from it's original vision. Either way I should write the characters and stories in the way that makes me the happiest and what I think is right right now, and that's what I'm trying to do. As well as that I've been thinking about some music that might suit the style of the band in the process of creating music for them, so I will share those here too.
UNBEATABLE - Bookend Song
Chrissy Costanza - But What If I Fly
Puppet - Dynamo
GRIND FICTION. PASSION AND ENERGY FOREVER. NO NOCHALANT VIBES.
TRYING TO FILL THE NOTHING BY BEING AS LOUD AS WE CAN.
07/02/2026
So, I started creating the first piece of music for this AU yesterday! I really didn't understand how hard this could potentially be. As a reference I am someone who understands music theory. I've done up to Grade 5 Piano, been in multiple orchestras and Jazz Bands and also been in a few informal indie bands during my time as well (All of which broke up due to the age old "NO DATING WITHIN THE BAND" rule [not me I don't have that kinda game]). But opening and trying to work FL Studio for the first time has been an absolute slog. It took me 2 hours to create a simple 8 bar phrase on one instrument. I guess I didn't really understand the complexities and differences of being able to play an instrument live vs having to input something on a piano roll. I could of course plug in my electro-acoustic and play something in, but it isn't the right sound for what I want and I worry that playing something in and then synthesising it into something else will make it something "unnatural" sounding. I understand I am only feeling this way because I'm still learning how to work the programme and it takes time to learn, but I always feel so vulnerable when I cant get to grips with ideas or need to remind myself of things often. It's not an ego thing that I want to be good at everything straight away, I know things take time to learn. I spent many years going 0-2 in fighting game tournaments before getting to a point where I could consistently learn and win. It took me ages to get to grips with editing software and when that software became abandonware, starting over from the beginning with a new software took time. Rather I feel like I should be able to discern, naturally understand or conclude and remember what things do in something. Like "Oh hey this button looks like this, so it should do this, Ill remember that's there for later". But yeah, it really did not work like that when it came to working FL Studio. It feels unnatural. It feels like something I SHOULD understand and get to grips with but really really don't. Like I said, it's kinda vulnerable and nerve-wracking opening myself up to something new and saying "hey I'm bad at this and that is okay". I want to get good at it though. I want to make something high quality. Since this site is my love letter to the game, and I love the game so much - I want it to be really good so I can show how much I really do love it. Also, I want it to be really good so that others enjoy it and so that I can also say I made something cool. Hopefully however many hours of playing around with the system will help. More stories coming soon - both side and main stories in the works right now. Thanks for reading!
GRIND FICTION. PASSION AND ENERGY FOREVER. NO NOCHALANT VIBES.
TRYING TO FILL THE NOTHING BY BEING AS LOUD AS WE CAN.
05/02/2026
As I'm coming up to 25, I've realised that well over a quarter of my lifespan is essentially gone. And I've started to think more and more about what life looks like to me. Not because I'm scared of death, in fact it's one of the things I'm LEAST scared of. But just generally. One of the things I'm MOST scared of is being truthful, which is a pretty wild thing to say while writing a logbook. But going back to my point, I've started to think about it because realistically I struggle with who I am. I'm not a material person and one of the things I value most is experiences. To be able to have the feelings and emotions and experiences necessary to sympathise and empathise with people. That and I want to create a very through storyline of "me" I guess with loads of little side stories that I can tell to be able to relate to people - and I hope the stories I write here will relate to you as well. But I think I'm that way, well because I hate upsetting people. It's another thing I'm very scared of, doing something wrong that could upset someone because it will just become another situation where I think about what I could have done better and how I could have fixed it, despite potentially not even being in the wrong or the situation having nothing to do with me at all. Going back to the being truthful bit - it's why I mask a lot. I don't know how people see me, but when I see myself associated with any sort of positive emotion, I think - that's not the real me. That's the mask. Despite how many people argue it. The real me is the person very few people know that blames themselves for every situation that's ever occurred in their past, despite it not being their fault. That constantly thinks on how I could have handled situations better or made something work out. I don't really know who I am because you know I perceive myself as one thing and others perceive me as the mask I put on. UNBEATABLE is a game that taught me maybe I'm all of those things at the same time. All of those experiences are me even if I don't know what that means. The nothingness, the past I carry with me and the person that I am now, and the emotions I feel in the moment that are not me. The mask maybe is a part of me. And just because I don't know who I am, it doesn't mean I'm nothing. All the things I've experienced and lived mean I'm SOMETHING. It doesn't really matter what it is. I'm something. Thanks for reading the logbook so far. Like I said, being honest and having people read my writing is probably the scariest thing I've done yet, and the response has been really nice so like yeah... keep sending me messages about what you think. They're always appreciated.
GRIND FICTION. PASSION AND ENERGY FOREVER. NO NONCHALANT VIBES.
TRYING TO FILL THE NOTHING BY BEING AS LOUD AS I CAN.
04/02/2026
Well, it's finally up! I've made my own site with my own characters and my own stories and honestly? It looks pretty good IMO! Yes I know, writing in script form might throw off a lot of people, but genuinely it's the way I find to be the most comfortable writing, so I hope you can forgive me for that! It's really nerve-wracking sharing my writing to other people like this. I've done a lot of other things where I've put myself out there for people to see - Streaming and Content Creation, Commentary and Competitive Play and TOing in Tekken, and even letting people into my very personal projects like Heart Trigger (which is an Indie Trading Card Game I'm working on). Out of all of those things this might be the scariest. Why? I guess because in those I can really show my passion and excitement for the project or the thing I'm working on to other people, and hopefully people get some sort of energy from that. I can see the response right away if you get me. With this, I write, I don't know when you'll read it, and I don't even know if you will send me a message about it. I just have to assume that it's good or live in this limbo of constantly worrying if my creative ideas are interesting, exciting or insightful. As well as that, this is a deeply personal project to me. I haven't had OCs since I was like 15, making Sonic the Hedgehog characters and UNBEATABLE is a very very personal game to me. SPOILERS FOR THE GAME AHEAD. My dad also passed away from Stage 4 stomach Cancer, and it was right at that point where I was growing up, trying to find myself and my own independence and who I was. Not having a dad to like, direct me where to go and what to do was a struggle. Given my dad has defined most of my personality, from my taste in games like Tekken, to my taste in music and Shows I watch (He introduced me to Anime at the age of 4 years old and we watched the entirety of Dragon Ball together) and my hobbies, from even playing video games to Card Games, I kinda felt a lost sense of direction without him. He was always the chill one in my family. Whereas my mothers side was always asking me to do more and achieve better and reach higher, he was always content as long as I was happy where I was. Sometimes I think I got into Grind Fiction in general because of him. My dads side of the family is Portuguese and because of that, my dad played characters like Eddy Gordo in Tekken (Who I also do now!). Eddy fights in a style called Capoeira, which has elements vested in Dance, Music and Speed. Portuguese speaking characters in media in general (especially Brazilian Portuguese) always tend to have a connection to music. Eddy with his Capo, Lucio from Overwatch with his just general character story and even Raze from Valorant wears headphones and bops to a beat in her character select animation. Grind Fiction has a big connection to music generally - And I love music partially because of the characters I associate my dads country and language with, but also I've been actively playing music for most of my life, playing piano from the age of 4 and my dad being a massive music head with a massive collection of physical CDs he would always show me or put on in the car. The Grind Fiction to Music connection lead me down the path of Jet Set Radio and Sonic The Hedgehog (Yes I kind of class Sonic as Grind Fiction - Sue me) [Also I didn't realise this before but it always tends to be SEGA games huh] and obviously now UNBEATABLE. UNBEATABLE is an amalgamation of everything I love. During the ending of the game, I felt like I AM BEAT. I have felt these exact feelings, and have experienced these exact things. It's one of those games where I felt like it was made for me and the Devs ripped a page right out of my life to put in their game. I cried multiple times during the experience of the story. After my dad passed, I felt very cut off and very "Nothing". I didn't even cry at my dads funeral which is something I regret to this day. Everyone there was looking at me expecting ME to do something, especially since Im an only child. But I just stood there. Stone Face, Stone wall. Nothing. And even after that day I still haven't cried for dad. As life goes on, it feels like he faded away out of other peoples minds or thoughts. People don't bring him up in conversation or have a laugh about the things he used to do. I know people do still think about him, but like I said, I feel very "cut off" about the whole situation. My Mums side of the family are nothing like my dad - they never shared his hobbies or his interests or really anything he did. It's kind of hard to relate to them really, since I've taken so much from him. It very much feels like I have "nothing" left of him or any semblance of him left in my life at all. I've in my own head kind of split off in a way from them - losing relationships I didn't really have in the first place despite still living with my grandparents on my mums side. I just know I carry so much of him and his personality and everything he's shown me with me every single day of my life. UNBEATABLE is a game that made me cry for my dad for the first time. Ever. "With All these memories, I guess Ill never be, Without You". I'm not "Nothing" without him, he isn't "nothing" to me, it isn't a bad thing that I didn't cry for him at his funeral. "I cant stand it, It's Brain Poison". I can't stand the fact that I didn't cry for my dad at his funeral. I thought there was something completely wrong with me for such a long time, that I couldn't muster up some sort of emotional response to my own dad passing away. Like I said, I felt like "nothing". Nothing without him, I didn't know who I was or who I could be. But I carry him with me every day and Ill never be without him. Thank You UNBEATBLE. My top 1 favourite game of all time is Celeste. The story of that game helped me with my anxiety, my sense of self and my motivation. Celeste actually has saved my life. Without Celeste, I wouldn't be here to play UNBEATABLE. UNBEATABLE is my second favourite. The UNBEATABLE story helped me by showing me it's okay to keep the past with me, it helped me with my sense of self. Like I said, I felt like the game had taken a page out of my life and my thoughts. I felt like Beat was just saying things I had said or had experienced the same things I had experienced and it was all happening on the screen in front of me. UNBEATABLE is the game that helped me with emotional turmoil of the past and to try and live in the now. Thank you UNBEATABLE.
GRIND FICTION - PASSION AND ENERGY FOREVER. NO NONCHALANT VIBES. PASSION AND ENERGY ALWAYS.
TRY TO FILL THE NOTHING WITH THE LOUDEST SOUNDS YOU CAN.