You Can't Ask That is an Australian TV series created by ABC Television that first went to air in August 2016. 

The show is structured around asking outrageous, uncomfortable and shocking questions to uncover the truth behind some of the most marginalised and misunderstood Australians.

The show aims to offer insight into the lives of marginalised communities and break down stereotypes while answering the questions people are afraid to ask. Each episode asks controversial questions sourced from the public to a minority Australian population.

By Simon Copland

For me the questions started when I came out as gay at age 16.

How do you know? When did you find out? Are you sure it’s not a phase?

The questions got even more intense when I entered into a polyamorous relationship 10 years later:

How does it work? What are the sleeping arrangements? Do you have lots of threesomes? How can you really love two people at once?

If you’re in a minority in Australia – gay, transgender, polyamorous, Muslim, disabled, fat, etc – answering these sorts of questions becomes a part of life that many of us dread. Which is why, when I first heard of the ABC’s new program You Can’t Ask That, I was extremely sceptical.

The premise of the show is simple. In each episode, members of minority communities sit in front of a camera and answer questions which have been submitted by the anonymous public. The episodes are themed: polyamorous people, fat people, Muslims, criminals – you get the idea. The questions do not hold back: “Why are you so fat?” for fat people. “Is dwarf tossing OK?” for the short-statured. “Can you shower yourself?” for those in a wheelchair.

To me the whole premise seemed, frankly, insulting. I was indignant at the idea of minority groups being forced to get up in front of national audience and explain themselves. Why does the onus for understanding fall on us, rather than those who don’t, or don’t want to, know about our lives? Why should we have to explain ourselves anyway?

It felt like You Can’t Ask That was asking those from minorities to justify our existence. But as I watched, I began to change my tune.

At the most basic level, the show won me over because it’s been done extremely well. It would have been easy to make this all about the sordid details – a scandalous exposé of the lives of the local freaks, if you like. But it’s not been made like that. Yes, there are questions about sex, drugs and crime – some that could be considered extremely insulting. But the show doesn’t treat those issues as scandalous but rather just as a normal part of people’s lives.

It ends up being extremely genuine and heartfelt: real people, sitting with friends, families or lovers, having real conversations about the realities of their lives.

From these conversations, we can actually learn a lot.

You Can’t Ask That could have easily glossed over the ethical problems of its own premise but it tackles them head on. In the episode on wheelchair users, for example, one interviewee says, “I just wish people wouldn’t want to know so badly why I’m in a wheelchair all the time. It’s not offensive, it’s just boring. I don’t want to be bored anymore.”

Interviewees laugh at the stupidity of the questions, roll their eyes at how often they are asked, and muse on the tough situations they find themselves in because of their social or physical positions. Regularly, they talk about how much they wish people would look beyond their minority status to see the person underneath.

The show offers real insight into the realities of being in a minority in Australia; it shows how even those of us with the best intentions can end up treating people poorly. It puts a human face to those who are often spoken about in the abstract, which is also extremely valuable.

But most importantly, the conversations themselves have the potential to offer us insight into our own lives as well – whether as a minority or not. Listening to other people talk about their lives can help us reflect on our own; whether it is the basic things we take for granted or the social norms we’ve signed up to without critically thinking about them. It gives us the opportunity to question what we value and how we define a “good life”. “Would you be taller?” some are asked. “Would you be skinnier?”

Surprisingly, the most common answer is “no”.

In the ideal world a show like You Can’t Ask That wouldn’t exist. But in the world we live in, there’s a lot we can learn, not just about people in minority groups but from them too.

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