TUM: What is the absolute worst thing you could name a child?

• xX6DarkFlameMaster9Xx - Joseph Yu, M4

• Joe Mama - Nathan Yang, F1

• Jonathan (trust me on this one) - Jonathan Friedberg, M4

• Little Sweetmeat - Jessica Yu, M4

• Humbert - Wells, F2

• Brantleigh, Kaytelynn, Aleczandrah - an S6 student

TUM: What is the weirdest smell you’ve encountered at Humbert?

1. A fishy kind of smell - Aisha, F1

2. Body odour in the library - Areez Hirani, F1

3. Buttered Popcorn … from the first-floor all-gender washroom - Janice Wang, F2

4. I can’t answer because I don’t know what it was and I don’t want to know - Serena Suleman, M3

5. Like dead rat - Patrick Nova, M4

TUM: If you could be any kitchen object (appliance, utensil etc) what would you be?

• The top of the fridge. Uninterrupted real-estate. No bothersome dusting (unless they have a really long duster). Hopefully no attacks. - Grace Ko, F2

• Dishwasher. After every day, I just rinse, clean, and repeat. - Ed Wang, S6

• A spoon without a handle. - Anonymous

• Slap Chop - Nathan Yang, F1

• The counter, the unsung hero of the kitchen - Jonathan, Friedberg, M4

• A microwave. I am occasionally unpredictable and usually frustrating. - Janice Wang, F2

TUM: What would be the worst buy one get one free sale of all time?

• Hmm … fingernail clippings. Gross. - Grace Ko, F2

• Buy 3 years at Humbert get 3 free. - Alexander Lyakishev, M4

• Leg amputation surgery. - Avielle Spector-Bloch, F2

• An engagement ring - Halyna Bowley, M3

• Coffins, Probably. - Serena Suleman, M3

• DECA donut sale. - Candice Chow, S6

TUM: What is faster than the 63?

• The girls walking home in their heels after semi - Patrick Nova, M4

• A dead snail - Anonymous

• My wifi - Wells, F2

• My brain cells undergoing apoptosis before a test - Jessica Yu, M4

• Nothing. It is obviously the fastest way to travel of all time. - Avielle Spector-Bloch, F2

• Literally everything. The best would be a rocket. - Sophie Wong, F1

TUM: What is/would be your catchphrase?

• You can defenestrate anything but please spare my feet. - Alice Xu, F1

• Condensed milk. It’s milk, but kinda thicc. - Jonathan Friedberg, M4

• Eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. - Jessica Yu, M4

• Yeet. - Sophie Wong, F1

• Mindless screaming. - Anonymous, M4

• Eat sugar, scream, and runaway. - Janice Wang, F2

TUM: You have an elephant. What do you do with it?

• Love it because it was mistreated before. - Brianna Tota, F1

• Ad ludum veniam elephanto. - Anonymous, M4

• Feast. - Patrick Nova, M4

• Put it in a freezer. - Nathan Yang, F1

• Get it to sit on your friends. - Aditya Raman, F1

• Ride it everywhere and park it on the roof. - Daniel P., M3

Ddon’t fall victim to zodiac-y stereotypes this holiday season!)

In the first month of the Zodiac, Aries said to me

“I just want to be free!”

Aries, don’t feel like you have to always be leading the adventure and doing the most. You’re a brave, interesting soul — but make sure to take time for yourself, too.

In the second month of the Zodiac, Taurus said to me

“I’m struggling with love...”

Taurus, it’s no secret that you’re a kind person who’s always down for some winter cuddling. But your relationship status doesn’t define you. Don’t put pressure on yourself if something’s not working out!

In the third month of the Zodiac, Gemini said to me

“I’m fighting with my friends...”

Gemini, it’s okay to get in arguments. We all get frustrated, and it in no way makes you a bad person: it makes you human. Make sure you’re taking enough time for yourself, and don’t overload with too many projects — interpersonal or not.

In the fourth month of the Zodiac, Cancer said to me

“I just can’t find the words...”

Cancer, a lot of people see you as a leader, and sometimes it can get overwhelming: you might not even know where to begin. This holiday season is a good time to take a step back and enjoy some me-time, whether that’s making chocolate bark or binging Disney+!

In the fifth month of the Zodiac, Leo said to me

“Golden hour photos!...”

Leo, it’s no secret you have a big personality. But you don’t need to worry so much about how others see you! Take a step back from social media this winter break and focus on what you need, not what you feel like you need to show the world.

In the sixth month of the Zodiac, Virgo said to me

“I’m always stressing!”

Virgo, being a perfectionist is difficult. Nothing ever feels good enough. But as you approach all of your end of year tasks, remember to breathe and take time to care for yourself every so often. Self-care is totally okay, and a good way to spend this winter break!

In the seventh month of the Zodiac, Libra said to me

“Nothing’s going fairly...”

Libra, justice is very important to you. But it’s not always your job to resolve the conflict in the world around you, especially if it’s just making the rest of your life difficult. Spend time working on projects that matter to you this holiday season, and leave that one group chat for a few hours if it’ll help you take a mental break.

In the eighth month of the Zodiac, Scorpio said to me

Scorpio, you often feel pressured to keep your feelings under wraps, which might manifest as jealousy towards others. Do yourself a favour: be kind to yourself and let others know how you feel! You’ll be able to have more fun hanging out with your friends this holiday season if you give yourself permission to relax.

In the ninth month of the Zodiac, Sagittarius said to me

“This is taking forever...”

Sagittarius, you focus so much on what’s important to you, any slight roadblock makes you feel frustrated and impatient. This holiday season, take a step back from the moment, and work at letting go of this instinctive reflex: you might discover something new you enjoy along the way!

In the tenth month of the Zodiac, Capricorn said to me:

“Don’t even think about it.”

Capricorn, you’ve always been a stickler for tradition. If your holiday plans go quite right, you might feel upset or frustrated well into January! Make sure you work on communicating well this season, though, so you give others room to do things that are important to them as well… and build some new, exciting traditions for yourself as well! It’ll all be okay — we promise.

In the eleventh month of the Zodiac, Aquarius said to me

Aquarius, you like to swim upstream sometimes, and that’s okay. Just make sure you’re giving other people the space they need to express themselves too: whether it’s how they wrap holiday gifts or the way their front porch is decorated. By doing this, you give yourself permission to explore even newer ideas of yours as well!

In the twelfth month of the Zodiac, Pisces said to me

“I can’t stop crying!”

It’s no secret you’re emotional, Pisces. With the decade drawing to a close, all of us are feeling the melancholy and nostalgia. Take care of yourself this holiday season — make sure that you spend a lot of time with others. Don’t feel like you need to deal with your feelings alone. We’re all here for you!

7 Delights

1. Long weekends (and March break!)

1. • I have not been to school for 5 consecutive days in months… - Madi

   • 5 day weekends should be the norm pls - Sonia

   • Sleep!! - Angela

2. All the food options near school!

• Soooo many good places, I really need to stop eating at Tim’s everyday… - Madi

• All that’s left is a bubble tea place to open up near Humbert - Angela

3. Warmer weather (coming soon???)

• I’m so excited to not wear a parka to class!!! - Madi

• March slush brings April showers - Sonia

• Is it really coming soon?? - Sumin

4. New Netflix TV Series

• Jessica in love is blind is a terrible human being. Change my mind. - Madi

• A favourite for procrastination - Sonia

• YES - Sumin

• ...and movies! - Angela

5. Late Starts

• We haven’t had them in so long! I miss before school brunches!! - Madi

• When you have a late start and two morning spares … bliss - Sonia

• ^^ - Sumin

6. The Stall Street Journal!

• I love being informed about the school while chilling in a bathroom stall. - Madi

• I love how it gets updated in every couple weeks… - Sumin

• I < 3 the house horoscopes - Angela

• ^ Very helpful when trying to make important life decisions

7. On sale holiday candy

• • Favourite part of Valentine’s Day and Easter is the half-priced chocolate the next day. - Madi

  • Always a delight!!!! - Sonia

  • :)) - Sumin

  • Time to stock up - Angela

7 Poisons

1. The weather rn…

• Disgusting. - Madi

• The snow seems pretty from afar, much less so when you’re actually walking through it :( - Sonia

• Grey & moody :( - Angela

2. Crunch period

• Uni marks are in, summatives no longer have meaning to me. - Madi

• Is it really called a crunch period if it’s like a continuous thing… - Sumin

• ^ - Sonia

• Senioritis say who? - Angela

3. The temperature of the school.

• Arctic tundra tropical vacation chic. - Madi

• All I ask for is consistency,,,, please - Sonia

• Never the right temperature - Sumin

• Always a pleasant surprise - Angela

4. The smell of the bathrooms.

• *Goes home to pee on spares* - Madi

• ^ I wish - Sumin

• L’eau d’Humbert - Angela

5. Messy people!!!!

• Can someone pls claim the mouldy sandwich on the floor in the commons? - Madi

6. The alleyways.

• Lowkey this is a delight. Lots of culture and a shortcut to Timmies. - Madi

• I wish there was a crosswalk like right there - Sumin

7. Senioritis

• I didn’t believe in it until I had it. - Madi

• Oop - Sumin

• Hitting hard - Angela

Dear Fellow Inquirer,

Thank you for another excellent question. To answer such a philosophical question, one must define what life is. If we look at the google definition, this is what is stated: “the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.'' So now that we have a starting place, we can answer the question. We as humans are already distinguished from plants AND animals by having the following: opposable thumbs, the ability to multiply by 1.6*10^-19 coulombs, the ability to put up with nonsensical presidential leaders etc. Therefore, by already existing, you are already “life-ing” successfully. I hope I was able to give you helpful advice on how to “life successfully” but please use it sparingly (it’s not a good look to show off how we are able to life better than others in vain)...

Your Higher Source of Wisdom,

Miss Advised

Dear Conflicted,

Toxic relationships don’t just apply to romantic partnerships. Sometimes, friendships with people can turn out just as abusive and damaging. Rather than bringing company and comfort to your life, a toxic friendship will bring exhaustion and frustration. There are quite a few signs that you should look out for to tell you whether or not a friendship isn’t healthy. One thing you can guarantee from a toxic person is drama. There always seems to be problems surrounding them, either they’re always arguing with someone and causing problems. Another thing is that a toxic friend will never really listen to you, they’re always waiting for their turn to speak, or to turn the conversation back to themselves. A good way to test for this is by bringing up random topics that have nothing to do with either of you. A toxic person will have the uncanny ability to manipulate the conversation back around to themselves again without skipping a beat. Finally, a toxic friend will never support you or congratulate you on your achievements and are constantly competing with you. You’ll realize that you’re never actually happy or relaxed around them because they don’t make you feel good about yourself. No friendship should be transactional, but if someone is draining all your energy, you should ask yourself whether it’s good for you. Now that you’re aware of the signs of a toxic friend, there are certain actions you can take to deal with friends who are dragging you down.

The first step is to recognize when a relationship has become toxic, using the signs I talked about above. After determining that your friend is not good for you, take the time to understand what exactly is causing their behaviour. It’s important to not jump to conclusions and explore different possibilities by talking to your friends and understanding what’s going on in their lives. Then, it’s important to think about the positives and the negatives this person brings into your life and how much of an impact they have on your lives. Once you finish doing this and determine that you should cut ties with this person because they’re not good for you to contemplate a way to achieve a more balanced approach. Instead of completely cutting the person off and throwing a friendship out the door, find a way to redefine it - maybe you won’t be the type of friends who spend a lot of time anymore. Finally, once you made a decision, follow through with it and not look back.

It’s important to recognize when you have a friendship that’s affecting your life negatively and be able to take action to deal with this issue. No matter how fun a friendship may be or how much history you have with the person, it’s not okay if it’s hurting you. I hope I have given you a new perspective on your relationships and valuable advice that you can apply to your relationships with different people.

I hope this helped!

Dr. Swagger