Hi Dr. Swagger,

If you ask anyone who knows me, they’ll say that I’m a generally chill and easy to talk to person. However, when I’m near my crush, I turn into a stuttering mess and can’t form proper sentences. It’s like I become a completely different person! How do I fix this?

Sincerely,

Embarrassed

Hello Embarrassed,

As you probably know, I am all about the swag, so you came to the right person. You see, crushes are quite tricky. We often view them as superior beings and get scared that they’ll judge us so we get nervous around them. Here are some tips. Firstly, bring out your acting skills! You might feel like you’re melting inside and that your hands are becoming all sweaty, but draw on what we learnt from drama class and be confident! That’ll win them over for sure. These are some key drama techniques: vocal dynamics, body language, awareness of space, and improvisational techniques.

On second thought... scrap that. Since I am Dr. Swagger, I know swag when I see it and you, my friend, are very swaggy. You don’t even need these acting techniques! Even though you become a different person in front of your crush, I think it is very important to remember that no one is perfect. You should not feel the need to impress them because that only makes you more nervous! I’m certain they already think you’re an amazing person. Maybe you’ll feel nervous in front of Ariana Grande because... c’mon the queen herself, but save your sweat for the summer! If your crush does judge you, it is most definitely not a “you-problem”; they might just be very judgemental. Even if you do end up saying something that you regret, don’t overanalyze. Keep in mind that most people don’t analyse everything you say to them. They most likely won’t even catch it! Be yourself, embrace your inner swag and go get ‘em tiger! If all else fails, there's always WikiHow to teach you “How to be comfortable around that special someone: 13 steps.”

Swag out!

Dr. Swagger

Dear Miss Advised,

My sister is so annoying! Every time I have to answer a question in class, she starts screaming songs at the top of her lungs. It’s like she has a sixth sense or something. How can I get her to shut up?

Extremely Irritated

Dear Extremely Irritated,

Admittedly, I do not have any siblings, but I have dealt with annoying cousins, so I guess it’s the same thing.

I’m sure you’ve tried getting away from her on many occasions, and that has gone as well as you’d expect it to. If there was a way for you to stay away from her, I’m sure you’ve already tried it. Legally, I can’t tell you that you should try selling her for a box of matcha KitKat, though I’m sure you’ve considered it.

Little sisters are just something that you have to live with, even if they feel like an annoying fly that likes the smell of you and keeps coming back no matter how much you wack it. There’s nothing you can really do in terms of getting her to stop annoying you forever, but improving your relationship with each other to ensure that she knows what lines not to cross is always a good idea in some way.

I know you must hear this all the time,but your sister does truly care about you and if you sit down and talk to her, she’ll understand. If she doesn’t…..Honestly, I wouldn’t reason with someone who enjoys being unreasonable. Younger siblings are used to shirking the blame when it comes to conflicts, so you’re really in a tough spot when it comes to getting her to do anything. Pull an UNO reverse card and bring it up with your parents. If they care about your education and you tell them that she’s making it hard for you to focus and do well in class, they might tell her to stop. Or to tell her to go scream in the backyard (fingers crossed).

As your little sister, she probably looks up to you in some way, so if you do choose to talk to her, try not to do so condescendingly. If you just ignore her, she will probably just become desperate for your attention, which may make her even more annoying. On the other hand, if you give her the reaction of blowing up at her, she’ll just consider that a victory and continue to annoy you. Approaching this as finding a way to just “shut her up” isn’t going to ensure that she won’t bother you again. As a general rule, try not to sound like you’re just whining and antagonising her, but like you’re actually trying to have a conversation. “You’re so annoying!” or “Why won’t you leave me alone?” aren’t productive conversation starters but “When you do that, I feel disrespected. Do you like it when people disrespect you?” is better. Try not to place the blame on her — even though it’s 100% her fault, I assure you — no matter how you feel, because it won’t end up helping you in any way.

If you find that your sister is always looking for your attention, you probably need to spend more time with her. If you really want to psychologically condition her, reward her with small things when she respects the boundaries you set, or promise that you’ll spend better time with her if she lets you do what you have to without bothering you. All of this is entirely up to you, but I’m writing this to you in the hopes that your sister is a rational human being, and not a demon sent from Hell to collect on your karmic punishment from one of your past lives. (In that case, give up the fight and let her take your soul.)

If all else fails, bribe her with candy.

Wishing you luck,

Miss Advised

ISFP (FiSe)

Driving up north to see the fall colours

With your extroverted sensing, you want to get indulged in your environment - noting the leaves around you while you’re paired with the perfect soundtrack as company. You love to live in the moment and may want to continue exploring the world around you - taking a break from what you’re normally around.

ESFP (SeFi)

Have a virtual Thanksgiving/Halloween party

Entertainers, you are the most extroverted types - you love being around their friends and playing interactive games. Since extroverted sensing is your dominant function, make sure to stay safe while having fun!

ISFJ (SiFe)

Planning a fall photo shoot

ISFJs are some of the sweetest people who love remembering their moments through pictures. As your dominant function is introverted sensing, you love to organize their memories and photos are the perfect way to do that!

ESFJ (FeSi)

Hiking with your friends

ESFJs love organizing plans with their friends - they always make sure to check on their friends. Hiking is a way to spend time with your friends while also checking in on them and updating each other. Surrounded by nature, an ESFJ will surely enjoy an environment like this.

INTP (TiNe)

Gaming for the extra hour from daylight savings

INTPs love the intellectual challenge of a game and oftentimes spend a lot of time gaming - especially strategy-based games that make them think outside the box. Fun fact, INTPs are known to spend their leisure time playing games. With the extra hour from daylight savings, INTPs can continue being the night owl they are, and procrastinate on their assignments.

ENTP (NeTi)

Watching the American debate and making your own rebuttals

ENTPs are known as the Debaters for a reason! You love to explore and discover new things to fully understand a topic - and you can bet that with something as huge as the American election, the ENTP will be there! You might find yourself taking notes and exploring the words of the presidential candidates.

INTJ (NiTe)

Cuddle up to a new murder mystery near the fireplace

With your introverted intuition, you will always try to predict who the murderer is. (Don’t skip to the end so quickly!) Normally you’re right too! The warm environment helps the INTJ stay engaged and attentive to not miss any clues.

ENTJ (TeNi)

Going for a run in the crisp autumn air

Sometimes autumn can feel like a slump as we prepare for the winter, but ENTJs love being productive - and a run is a perfect way to do so! Your extroverted thinking means you care about moving forward (with a run!) and mastering efficiency.

ISTP (TiSe)

Go zip-lining through the mountains

Your auxiliary function of extroverted sensing means you prefer being sensationalized in the moment - and this solo-activity of ziplining is the way for you to engage in your environment while also having a blast.

ESTP (SeTi)

Enjoy autumn football with your family

ESTPs are one of the most athletic MBTI types - as their extroverted sensing and introverted thinking lead them to focus on hands-on skills and precision. Even though it may be hard to play football this year, you can still enjoy a game and comment on the athletes’ techniques.

ISTJ (SiTe)

Baking shortbread + autumn snacks

Many ISTJs love to bake because it’s incredibly precise and they love using food as a stamp for their memories. Shortbread is just one of the things you could bake - maybe even look at some of the early quarantine snacks you made in lockdown!

ESTJ (TeSi)

Organizing a town thanksgiving initiative

ESTJs are all about getting things done. They may want to capitalize on the community during the autumn season and take advantage of the weather to organize an event for their town. It could be fall-related; dealing with pumpkins or apple picking!

INFP (FiNe)

Apple picking with your friends

Though INFPs love staying inside, you still cherish wholesome moments with your friends.

Your introverted feeling means that you really care about authentic moments of happiness with your friends - and you try to emulate that every time you’re out with your friends.

ENFP (NeFi)

Jumping into a huge pile of leaves

ENFPs are full of energy and their extroverted intuition makes them sometimes seem idealistic,

but jumping into leaves is the perfect way to use that energy and just be yourself in the season! These impulsive thoughts normally occur for ENFPs and sometimes the best way to work with them is to act.

INFJ (NiFe)

Walking around a university campus and reading in their library

INFJs seek answers to many questions that are answered in books and love to investigate philosophy and morals. A university campus (like UofT) will make you feel in the element to do some deep reflection and introspection into your soul.

ENFJ (FeNi)

Throwing a bonfire with a couple friends

Though ENFJs love being with their friends, most of the time you can only handle one or two friends - and you will definitely use that time to reflect on your life (much like INFJs) and talk about future goals. Your introverted intuition makes you obsess over the future, so you will definitely explore a dream future for yourself.

How do you plan on spending your winter break?

At home calling friends and building lego. – Jacob Binder, F1

Composing and releasing casual soundtracks :) – Sophia Wong, M3

eat chips and be sad – Sam Mazurek, S6

Sleeping – Yvonne Wu, M4

Painting 15 hours a day in order to finish every Bob Ross painting ever. – Jonathan Friedberg, S5

Favourite winter activity?

Skiing, drinking hot chocolate (sadly the first option is not possible /_ \) – Ethan Jeon, F2

Watching "How The Grinch Stole Christmas", the real one – Abraham Frederick James Wine, S5

Building a snow fort and going inside after spending some time outside. – Jacob Binder, F1

Sleeping – Yvonne Wu, M4

Skating :) – Amrita Veeraragavan, M3

What are you looking forward to in 2021?

No Corona!! o((>ω< ))o – Ethon Jeon, F2

staying home some more lol – Nicole Wong, M3

2020 being over – Shannon Moudgil Tang, F1

SAT prep. – Jonathan Friedberg, S5

Sleeping – Yvonne Wu, M4

A better year. Please. Give us a better year. 2020 has been horrible. I pray to whatever gods- it doesn't even need to be a good year, just a normal year, please, please, I'm going insane, please- (for legal reasons the insane part is a joke) – Sophia Wong, M3

Best winter aesthetics?

Red on green. – Abraham Frederick James Wine, S5

Sno – Sam Mazurek, S6

Christmas decorations are especially aesthetically pleasing 🎄 – Eathan Jeon, F2

Sleeping – Yvonne Wu, M4

winter, snow, Xmas tree, sleep- – Maya Toussi, F1

What is the ideal gift to give?

A huge, new LEGO set. – Jacob Binder, F1

A composed sheet :)) (or sheet music) – Sophia Wang, M3

A super sappy card about how much you love someone. – Serena Suleman, M4

blankets – Yvonne Wu, M4

A Grinch fursuit/costume, as portrayed by Jim Carrey in the live action version of the film. – Jonathan Friedberg, S5

Happiness – Abraham Frederick James Wine, S5

Poisons

a month of content crammed into a day

brain = overloaded - Wendy

this was a month of content? - Mohammed

*gasp* can’t *gasp* breathe *wheeze* - Janet

watch me forget everything :( - Jessica

a unit a day keeps the sleep away - Joseph

weekly tests and labs

boooo - Wendy

stress - Mohammed

it’s like shoveling the snow while it’s still snowing - Janet

a summative a week turns your brain into a leek - Joseph

cuspidor deadlines

stressful..... - Wendy

stressful but necessary - Janet

hahaha *guilty face* - Jessica

I have no rhyme, because Cuspidor takes all my time - Joseph

less sleep

my eyebags... - Wendy

I’m actually getting more sleep because I don’t have to commute as much - Janet

hahaha *guilty face* - Jessica

no wanakita / geneva

:( - Wendy

nostalgic - Mohammed

missing the spicy midnight games - Janet

They remind me of F1/F2 years! I really want to go back for the nostalgia... - Jessica

(new) shortened Wednesdays

confusing - Wendy

thanksss- Mohammed

Still don’t know why they thought this was a good idea - Janet

Delights

among us

fun but toxic.- Wendy

I should download this - Mohammed

So great that this delight made it into two cuspidor issues and a theme - Janet

Corpse Husband’s voice. Periodt. - Jessica

snowy weather

snow angels!.- Wendy

hurry up - Mohammed

sNoW?? if only - Janet

looking forward to the pretty snow! - Jessica

christmas traditions

bigggg family dinner .- Wendy

we just put up a Christmas tree and it stays there until June - Janet

Christmas warms my heart <3 It reminds me of Christmases past.... (nostalgia again!) - Jessica

favourite movie

inception - Wendy

kill bill - Mohammed

don’t have one :p but spiderverse is pretty great - Janet

How to train your dragon! It never gets old :) - Jessica

fav bubble tea flavour <3

peach green tea with cheese foam with tapioca <3333 - Wendy

missing my classic milk tea - Janet

Matcha! (Matcha everyone is awesome tbh) - Jessica

learning from home

can learn from the couch / bed - Wendy

boring - Janet

so relaxing and cozy! - Jessica

De Crypt welcomes one and all!

Many will triumph, but many shall fall,

Apply my key to the rest of this writing;

The code word for this common cipher is "LIGHTING"

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