To Dr. Swagger,

This is going to sound really dumb, but bear with me here: I stepped on my phone yesterday when it was charging on the ground, and now there are cracks all over the screen. My parents are going to freak out when they see (this isn’t the first time I’ve broken technology). I’ve hidden it from them so far, but I feel like they’re going to have to find out eventually. Help?

From,

Panicking Patrick

Dear Panicking Patrick,

It’s Dr. Swagger here and I can totally relate to this....my phone 100% did not fall into the toilet twice. I have some experience with parents and the biggest piece of advice I can provide is: be responsible. It is inevitable that there will be some sort of reaction from your parents because tech is expensive these days! (do better, Apple).

There are a few things to take into consideration. Firstly, you need to do a full psychological examination of your parents. Did they just have a busy day of work? Did you hear them laugh today? Are the corner of their mouths slightly downturned? Find the day where they are in a friendly mood to break the news. Secondly, think about what you are going to tell them beforehand. My recommendation is taking full responsibility and assuring them of the costs. I would explain how I have learnt from my mistakes and will be extra careful next time. Then, I would promise them a repayment in the future. Think of this as a long-term loan! Once you turn 25-30 ish, then you can pay back the couple hundred dollars. Just kidding. Make sure to emphasize that you will put in the work to research an affordable deal to fix the phone. Oh also, never start with “please don’t be mad at me,” because that only makes them more worried.

Like any presentation, a good first impression is key. This way, your parents will be less worried about the costs and know that they have at least raised a responsible child. Parents are proud of their children-- why else do you think Stacy brags about her daughter's piano results so much? It is also important to be confident in order to let your parents know that you are a mature person having a professional discussion about a cracked iPhone. They are more likely to believe that you will truly take responsibility if you sound like it. Lastly, accept the consequences. If it means you can’t play League of Legends for another week or your TikTok account gets taken away, so be it. Cooperation results in less frustration from your parents. Hey, at least you didn’t completely break your phone like I did in grade 8. Anyway, I really hope it goes well. Keep in mind that if your parents do get frustrated, it is only temporary. In a couple of days, they’ll calm down and you can go back to begging them for another video game. Don’t take these things too seriously, your parents care about you and one small issue will never change that. Good luck!

Keep swagging,

Dr. Swagger

Hi Dr. Swagger,

If you ask anyone who knows me, they’ll say that I’m a generally chill and easy to talk to person. However, when I’m near my crush, I turn into a stuttering mess and can’t form proper sentences. It’s like I become a completely different person! How do I fix this?

Sincerely,

Embarrassed

Hello Embarrassed,

As you probably know, I am all about the swag, so you came to the right person. You see, crushes are quite tricky. We often view them as superior beings and get scared that they’ll judge us so we get nervous around them. Here are some tips. Firstly, bring out your acting skills! You might feel like you’re melting inside and that your hands are becoming all sweaty, but draw on what we learnt from drama class and be confident! That’ll win them over for sure. These are some key drama techniques: vocal dynamics, body language, awareness of space, and improvisational techniques.

On second thought... scrap that. Since I am Dr. Swagger, I know swag when I see it and you, my friend, are very swaggy. You don’t even need these acting techniques! Even though you become a different person in front of your crush, I think it is very important to remember that no one is perfect. You should not feel the need to impress them because that only makes you more nervous! I’m certain they already think you’re an amazing person. Maybe you’ll feel nervous in front of Ariana Grande because... c’mon the queen herself, but save your sweat for the summer! If your crush does judge you, it is most definitely not a “you-problem”; they might just be very judgemental. Even if you do end up saying something that you regret, don’t overanalyze. Keep in mind that most people don’t analyse everything you say to them. They most likely won’t even catch it! Be yourself, embrace your inner swag and go get ‘em tiger! If all else fails, there's always WikiHow to teach you “How to be comfortable around that special someone: 13 steps.”

Swag out!

Dr. Swagger

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