power of emotion-I

Experience the Power of Your Emotions

Step 1: Dispel the Myths About Emotions

During the intake session, I sensed that Jane was trying hard to hold in her profound grief over the recent breakup. I could see her constant attempts to prevent tears from welling up in her eyes. Toward the end, she asked me for advice on how to get over the breakup sooner. I seized the opportunity and provided some psychoeducation on the importance of emotion. Using my favorite “sea wave metaphor,” I explained that emotions are like sea waves; they rise, intensify, peak and eventually dissipate. At this very instant, Jane blurted out, “but my feelings are like a tsunami; it destroys everything along its path!” After voicing her fear over her own emotions, Jane started to sob uncontrollably and let tears of sadness fall in torrents down her cheeks…

Working with emotions is a crucial part of clinical practice. Over the years, my clinical experience has taught me that, in order to work effectively with clients’ emotions, it is vital to first help clients remove the roadblocks—the myths they secretly hold about emotions. One of the common myths, as demonstrated in the clinical example above, is “if I let myself experience/express _______, it will be unthinkable.” This results mostly from clients’ previous encounters, or the lack thereof, with emotions. Some clients’ negative, or even traumatic experiences teach them only too well to avoid contact with certain emotions at all costs. These clients firmly believe that certain emotions are unacceptable and, thus, feeling them will inevitably lead to disasters. A client once told me that the main reason she couldn’t allow herself to show sadness to her husband was “then he will leave me.” However, the harder she tried to play the content, happy wife, the more depressed she grew. As for those clients with little experience with emotion, emotional experience/expression IS unthinkable because they simply lack the proper real-life model. Such clients tend to rely solely on their intellect to comprehend themselves, others and the world. Some of them may be able to “talk about” their emotions, but don’t “feel” them. Entering their emotional world, for them, is like stepping into the vast and usually fearful unknown.

Another myth about emotions closely related to the one above is “if I let myself feel my _____, I will feel _____ forever.” This erroneous belief ignores the fact that emotion is a natural process, with a beginning, middle and end. Yes, eventually it ends. Contrary to popular belief (myth), it is usually our attempts to meddle with the natural process that keep us stuck in certain emotions longer than we can bear. Different clients try to stop the tide of emotion at different points. Some prevent emotion from coming up; some can’t stand its intensity; some wouldn’t allow it to reach its climax; others, interestingly, refuse to let it go. A client troubled with years of clinical depression felt so stuck in her sadness that she cried helplessly in every session in the beginning of therapy. Not until we realized that she was unconsciously using sadness to mask her disowned anger toward her family did her crying stop. She later came to the emotional insight that inability to access the power of her anger, along with other emotions, caused her paralysis in depressed moods.

Another ingrained myth held by many is that “emotion equals behavior.” I still remember my shock at one client’s remark, “I never get angry in my life.” With disbelief, I immediately questioned, “Never!?” He emphatically replied, “ Never!!! I think it’s wrong to feel angry. Don’t you think it’s wrong to yell at others, smash things, punch walls…?” It was then that I realized he had mistaken emotions for the “inappropriate behaviors” of emotional expression. There are no wrong emotions, whether it be fear, anger, jealousy, disgust, shame, you name it. But there are appropriate and inappropriate emotional expression behaviors. We can certainly feel intense hatred for someone, but we’d better think twice before we “lay our hands on that person” with hate.

There are, of course, many more myths about emotions than is covered in this brief article. I’ve listed three of them as a stimulus for you to reflect on your own. What is stopping you from experiencing and expressing the whole range of your emotions? At this point, some of you may wonder why make such a fuss about emotional experience and expression. For one reason, emotion is an important part of us and closely linked to our cognition and behavior. Denying or disowning it constricts who we are and who we can be. To put it in positive terms, emotion enriches us and broadens our lives. Through the release of emotions, we can tap into many of our unused potentials. For another, emotions often carry great wisdom about ourselves and our lives if only we know how to decipher those encoded messages. For still another, emotion is a great aid in making connections with others and can help us better navigate our interpersonal worlds.

So next time when you sense some feelings bubbling up inside you, or when you feel “compelled” to turn to work, TV, internet, food, sex, alcohol, drugs, company, etc. for distraction from yourself, try sitting quietly alone for a little while and listening intently to the whispers, or roars, of your emotions. You may be surprised by what you will discover.