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Post date: Mar 16, 2012 10:7:32 PM
Featuring: Erick's Friend April
“Are you listening to me?” April asks. “Erick? Erick!”
Since Erick got laid off, he and April have gotten together for lunch and/or happy hour once or twice a week. Today, they graced Basix Café in West Hollywood with their presence and were just finishing up their respective meals.
Erick’s eyes pop open. “Yes. I’m listening.”
“Did you doze off?”
Erick thinks about this for a moment. “I’m not sure. What was the last thing you said?”
“I was telling you about Dana’s going away party tomorrow night.”
“Then yes, I probably dozed off.”
“Are you and Chris going?”
“Are you and Grayson going?”
“I told you we were.”
Erick tries to remember hearing about this. “How long was I out?”
“I don’t know. It didn’t look like you were dozing off, but you did have this glazed look in your eyes. I figured it was the mimosas.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m exhausted.”
“From what? You’re unemployed.”
Erick glares at April. “It’s not like I’ve been doing nothing since I got laid off. Never before have I had this many brunches and lunches to go to with friends. I love LA – there are so many actors, actresses and comedians without a day job.”
“And that’s why you’re tired?”
“No. I could never tire of my new job of socializing, meetin’, greetin’, eatin’, drinkin’ movin’ and shakin’.”
“Then why are you tired?”
“Chris.”
“What?”
“Chris is making me tired.”
“How?”
Erick stares at April as if trying to convey a telepathic message. “He’s been very…interested lately.”
“Interested in what?’
“Seriously?”
“What’s he been interested in?”
“Me,” Erick retorts rather emphatically.
“Well, that makes sense. You’re his boyfriend.”
Erick continues staring at April, trying to figure out if she’s really having this hard of a time understanding what he’s trying to say. “But he’s been more interested in boyfriending with me than normal.”
April stares back at Erick for a moment. And then another moment. April tilts her head in a lingering haze of confusion. Erick leans forward and gazes intently into April’s eyes until his telepathic message is received. “Oh….I get it now.”
Erick leans back. “Wow.”
“I’m supposed to read your mind?”
“Either that or I’m forced to say ‘he’s always horny and wants to have sex with me at any random hour of the day’ in front of all these nice people.”
“It’s West Hollywood. I’m sure they’ve heard about sex before,” April scoffs.
“Just because they’ve heard about it doesn’t mean they need or want to hear about it from me.”
“Maybe not but I want to know."
“There’s not much to tell. He’s just always in the mood. Normally we do more cuddling and making out but lately it’s just about the action. I’m not necessarily complaining, but it’s been kinda…porny – not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
“What do you think it is?”
“I’m not sure. It’s just so strange. He’s always had a healthy sex drive. I do too, but he’s been wanting it ALL the time – in the morning before work, at night before bed and even in the middle of the night. He’ll wake me up just so we can make mansex and then he’ll go back to bed. Last week, he came to my apartment three times in the middle of the day. He walked in, pointed in my direction and told me to follow him into my bedroom as he started taking his clothes off. I didn’t even get a chance to take mine off before he started diving in. Then as soon as we were finished, he kissed me, said ‘thank you’ and went right back to work.”
April chuckles. “That’s pretty funny. You know you can say no, right?”
“Why would I deny him? Or myself, for that matter? I like pleasure just as much as the next person. But I’m just so worn out. So is Little E. And I can’t imagine his Little C is faring much better.”
“I don’t know if this is a problem or a blessing.”
“It’s a blessing when we’re at his or my apartment. It’s a problem when we’re not.”
“What do you mean?”
“I met him for lunch yesterday. I went to the bathroom and dozed off at the urinal. He came in to check on me. I don’t know how a man dozing off in front of a bathroom urinal can turn someone on, but it did.”
“Oh no. Right then and there?”
“No. He had the good sense to drag me into a stall.”
“Was anyone else in there?”
“I don’t know for sure, but there was certainly some chatter, snickers and smiles as we walked out. I’ve imposed a self-ban from Swingers on Beverly.”
“I’m surprised they’d have a problem with that. After all, their receipts say ‘ass, cash or grass – nobody eats free.”
Erick eats some of the remaining French fries scattered on his plate. “I’ve always loved that, but I think that’s supposed to benefit their staff – not my boyfriend and I.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I haven’t a clue. I could either talk to him about it or continue to enjoy the rides.”
April takes a final swig from her blood-orange mimosa. “I faced a similar situation with Grayson early in our relationship.”
“What did you do?”
“I turned the tables.”
“Did it work?”
“After he got tired of always having to deliver, yes.”
“Interesting approach.”
“It worked out well. I was able to spare his feelings…and my lady parts.”
“And now?”
“We’ve been together three years or so. We don’t actually have to have sex again until we get married and start trying to have children.”
“It reminds me of that joke about not being able to produce children but at least having fun trying.”
“Be glad you can’t. It sounds like you’d have five sets of quints by now.”
“Then we’d get a reality show on TLC.”
“Before that happens, talk to Chris.”
“What about your table-turning approach?”
“It’s patented,” April retorts as she grabs her purse and the check and gets up from the table. “Now let’s go. Six calls came in from my boss in the last hour. I should probably answer the seventh.”
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